Whats the best way to ask for money on a wedding invitation?

PinkPrincess83

JOHN1982 wrote: »

Over 60 replies in 4 days! That's got to be some sort of record!

Perhaps one of these should become a sticky thread?! Save everyone having the same argument every time someone asks!







I'm definitely asking for money in our invites. Think I may simply word it as;
"We've lived together for half a decade, don't bring us presents, bring us cash!"

Im on the fence with asking for money in invites. We personally, arent asking for anything, but I have no problems with giving money as a gift when people ask for it, (and wouldnt give less just because the couple have openly asked for it), and although I think putting bank details in an invite is one step to far I do almost wish people would be as honest as your quote above rather than trying to pretty it up with some of the poems you find online.:D

(just my opinion before any one jumps on me:))

MrsDrink

JOHN1982 wrote: »

Perhaps one of these should become a sticky thread?! Save everyone having the same argument every time someone asks!

But then where would be the fun in that :rotfl:

SandraScarlett

I've found the posts on this thread really interesting, and also quite an eye opener. I think any couple getting married must accept that they are inviting a lot of individuals, probably with a wide difference in age, and attitude, and whatever you do, someone, somewhere will be offended about something!

I know things are hugely different from when I married in the 1960s, when my Mum and I went into raptures of delight that I had been lucky enough to get some lovely gifts, including three sets of sheets and pillowcases, a set of saucepans and a broom - which I still use!

But I think the couples who have said that it would be very time consuming to answer questions about what they want, need to think about it from the point of view of the guest. If the guest is a good friend, a close relation or a work colleague, they have probably spoken frequently about their wedding plans, and that guest would have had ample opportunity, to ask, in normal conversation, what they would like as a gift.

If they are "my Mum's friend, who I used to call Auntie, but she isn't really", that guest would have been having endless conversations with the Mother-of-the-bride-to-be about the stress, her outfit, the bride's outfit etc, etc, and would enjoy listening to the details (I've done this with countless friends, and they did it for me!) and would ask her about a gift.

Which really doesn't leave a large percentage of guests who haven't a clue! Would it be too much to answer their calls/emails/texts? It's pricey being a guest, and if they are spending money on an outfit, fares, perhaps a hotel, then it's far nicer to then say, in answer to their request "well, as we've been together in our flat for 2 years/6 months/3 weeks, we have everything we need at the moment, but we are saving up for a new TV. Some of our guests are giving us a contribution towards that".

But you know what I find the worst thing? When you're an invited guest who, for whatever reason, can't attend the wedding, you send a cheque, or gift, and you never get even a thank you!

I know it's a very busy time for everyone concerned, and some people seem to send their thank you cards out months after the wedding, but if someone can't attend, and sends a gift or cheque, it means a lot if the couple send a card. It doesn't have to be wordy, but just "we're sorry you can't attend our wedding, but thank you so much for your kind gift" means a lot.

Bank details included with an invitation? :eek::eek::eek:

Good luck to all couples getting married soon.

xx

MoneyMiser

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I dont see whats wrong with declining invites, i dont go everywhere i'm invited too.

I decline wedding invites asking for cash as i think weddings are special events to be cherished and shared with family and firends, I dont want an invite just so the bride can have the honeymoon etc paid for by others.

So if your daughter/son or someone very close to you sent you an invite and just so happened put in a poem which was basically asking for cash you would decline the invite??

I think not

MM

burnoutbabe

I'd just give them gift vouchers for debenhams or similar if i didn't know what they wanted (or vouchers for wherever their gift list was). thats not beyond the wit of most people to work out.

asking for cash is just strange. if you can't afford a honeymoon, don't have one or have a cheaper one.

jemb

We've asked for cash and I know when I was asking a few months ago it was mixed reviews. BUT, our friends and family know us well enough to not take umbridge over it and the feedback we have had has been great about the poem we did. We're asking for money as although we've lived together for nearly 4 years, we've just moved and want to do the bathroom up. As our friends and family know this (hence no Tom, !!!!!! and Harry invited to make numbers up but everyone knows us properly) people are more than happy with us asking as they would prefer to know what will help us - after all, the reason people did gifts to start with. For those that are a bit older and stuck in their ways, we have a small gift list for those not comfortable with giving cash. If you don't want to do either then that's cool, but people don't generally turn up empty handed and it caters for all this way.

DaisyFlower

MoneyMiser wrote: »

So if your daughter/son or someone very close to you sent you an invite and just so happened put in a poem which was basically asking for cash you would decline the invite??

I think not

MM

If my child did that, i'd not be very happy at all. I very much doubt it would happen as we teach them money and gifts are delightful to get and should be appreciated not asked for.

I dont think age comes into it, i'm not from the older generation and dont mind a discreet wedding list thats available upon request but marriage is supposed to be about the vows and the joining of the couple not what they can get out of the guests.

wanchai_2

JOHN1982 wrote: »

Over 60 replies in 4 days! That's got to be some sort of record!

Perhaps one of these should become a sticky thread?! Save everyone having the same argument every time someone asks!


I'm definitely asking for money in our invites. Think I may simply word it as;
"We've lived together for half a decade, don't bring us presents, bring us cash!"

I disagree with asking for money tbh, but I'd rather have John's wording than those AWFUL poems!!!!!!!!! Please, no more begging poems in invites...

Raksha

I think there's a difference between outright asking for cash and saying if we are lucky enough that you are thinking of getting us a present, we are fortunate enough to have just about everything we need, but we could really use a little help with getting together the deposit for a house/honeymoon. My partner and I weren't able to make a huge donation for my son (he has two half brothers who were still at school when he got married, and I'd just been made jobless for the 2nd time in 10 months)

loracan1

SandraScarlett wrote: »

I know things are hugely different from when I married in the 1960s, when my Mum and I went into raptures of delight that I had been lucky enough to get some lovely gifts, including three sets of sheets and pillowcases, a set of saucepans and a broom - which I still use!

I have to ask; has it had many replacement heads or handles?