Is there such thing as a happy marriage?

poet123

thorsoak wrote: »

How many beds have you got through in your marriages?

We are on bed number four after 30 years of marriage.;)

thorsoak wrote: »

I'm another who married young - met OH when I was 16, married at 20. We were lucky in that as we matured in marriage, we still liked each other - I swear we both did more growing up once we were married than before.

I agree with this we were married young too, and had children young too, and we have grown up with each other. I actually love and appreciate my husband more now than when we married and I feel that he feels that way about me too.

thorsoak wrote: »

Some people do make mistakes, some people are just not what they seem to be, and I would never, ever, suggest that people should stay together just for the sake of it - where there is mental cruelty/physical violence/cheating - sexual and financial - then I'm amongst the first to say go now.

I agree with this too, if there are serious issues such as the above self respect and self preservation are important.

thorsoak wrote: »

But when people ask, as did Stormy waters at the beginning of this thread "Is there such thing as a happy marriage" then I can say yes - but it is bl**dy hard work! But it is so, so worth it when, like me, you can look back after 48 years and say I wouldn't change a day of it (well apart from the day he had the accident).

Nor would I, and I know how lucky I am to be able to say that, but it is not just down to luck, but also to perseverance and the will to get through the low points.

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

And I'm saying that there are as many who've had "serial relationships" simply because they (or their partners, or both) have been unhappy and moved on, NOT just because they think the grass is greener.

How can you quantify that? You may think there are as many, but that is simply an opinion not a factual comment backed by any evidence.

Happiness is also subjective, what one person sees as a blip which makes them down for a period of time, another may see as a bigger deal which induces unhappiness which they cannot tolerate.

Gingham_R

We're on our third mattress after 10 years of living together. Not cheap ones either. First one was my husband's when we met and it didn't last long Next one lasted 8 years and this one is brand new.

However, I must add that I was bedbound for 18 months out of that time and I tend to sit on my bed rather than downstairs because I can spread out all my paperwork and I HAVE to tidy it up when I'm done, so I can't blame our rampant sex life completely! The bed is occupied more often than most beds!

Torry_Quine

poet123 wrote: »

How can you quantify that? You may think there are as many, but that is simply an opinion not a factual comment backed by any evidence.

Happiness is also subjective, what one person sees as a blip which makes them down for a period of time, another may see as a bigger deal which induces unhappiness which they cannot tolerate.

I do think that for some people happiness is expected and if the marriage doesn't meet that expectation all the time then it has to go. Realistically this will not happen so people are just setting themselves up for a fall.

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

How can you quantify that? You may think there are as many, but that is simply an opinion not a factual comment backed by any evidence.

Happiness is also subjective, what one person sees as a blip which makes them down for a period of time, another may see as a bigger deal which induces unhappiness which they cannot tolerate.

Of course it's an opinion - just as you believing the opposite is just an opinion.

And of course happiness is subjective - that goes without saying. What you find fantastic I may not and vice versa. If that second person cannot tolerate that "blip" then they shouldn't have to try to just because it's not such a big deal to someone else.

lostinrates

Beds? We need a new one now. We broke my parents bed once. That was fairly embarassing.

There is a bigger dip on my side because i am heavier, oh the shame, i sleep in it everynightmand he is only in in three nights a week, and he or the cats sleep in the middle, and i get pushed of the edge a bit so we all sleep in the same three feet of bed really.

When we first moved intogether for some reason we had a single bed. Dh said for ages and ages he never wanted a double bed, but always to sleep in a single together.

After a whle i got a four foot six bed i had put of storage. Then we moved to a five foot bed later. I am thinking about a sperking next time. Its not the distance from each other, its trying to have a little more room on mysode, and fit us and the critters all in.

We sleep with our legs all knotted together....us, maybe a cats legs too, and dh loves that even if i am deeply as.eep when he gets into bed my legs wrap around him. He calls it ' legs of love'. I used to always want my oen space in bed before. I don't know whether dh being him makes the difference or if being closer in sleep has helped make the relationship different.

nickyhutch

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I do think that for some people happiness is expected and if the marriage doesn't meet that expectation then it has to go. Realistically this will not happen so people are just setting themselves up for a fall.

I wonder why someone would get married in the first place if they did not expect to be happy.

Torry_Quine

nickyhutch wrote: »

I wonder why someone would get married in the first place if they did not expect to be happy.

I meant that people expect to be happy all the time. :rotfl:

Gingham_R

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I meant that people expect to be happy all the time. :rotfl:

I left an ex boyfriend that I'd been living with for 4 years because I realised I'd feel a deep sense of disappointment if he asked me to marry him. There was nothing particularly 'wrong' but nothing very 'right' either.

I really hoped that one day I'd jump for joy at the prospect of marriage.
When my husband and I were pronounced 'husband and wife', that's exactly what I did. :j

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

Of course it's an opinion - just as you believing the opposite is just an opinion.

And of course happiness is subjective - that goes without saying. What you find fantastic I may not and vice versa. If that second person cannot tolerate that "blip" then they shouldn't have to try to just because it's not such a big deal to someone else.

I don't believe I ever said there were "as many" serial leavers as those who leave for other reasons. I and others merely said they existed.

No one has to do anything, but when assessing their tolerance levels they should be realistic about whether their expectations are too high, or their ability to work at a difficult situation too low. Cost v benefit ratio for all concerned.

There are situations where a marriage cannot and should not be saved, equally, there are those where it is easier to walk away and look elsewhere than face the problems head on. I think the latter scenario is a much more common occurrence today than it used to be.