Is there such thing as a happy marriage?

jayII

poet123 wrote: »

No, not necessarily, because to be honest, in the scheme of things, I haven't had to try too hard, but, had the need arisen, I would have tried extremely hard.

However, undoubtedly and obviously there are some people who split up who wouldn't have been prepared to try as hard, for whatever reason. How you would judge who those people are from the outside I am not sure, but I am sure they exist. You only have to read some of the posts on this board (not this thread) to know that.

I totally agree with the above.

I misunderstood your original post, I thought I might have. Apologies.

Oldernotwiser

nickyhutch wrote: »

And I'm saying that there are as many who've had "serial relationships" simply because they (or their partners, or both) have been unhappy and moved on, NOT just because they think the grass is greener.

I think that serial relationships are one thing, serial marriages quite something else.

I also think it depends what you mean by unhappy; I'm sure nobody would advocate staying in a violent marriage or with someone who's a serial philanderer but unhappy for many people just means bored or out of love or just not ecstatic, which also seems different to me.

Torry_Quine

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think that serial relationships are one thing, serial marriages quite something else.

I agree only to a point. A relationship as in living with someone should be worked at just as much as marriage.

Oldernotwiser

Torry_Quine wrote: »

At the very least I would have thought that living with someone you expect it to be for ever just the same as marriage.

You can live with someone for many reasons and often a lifetime commitment isn't one of them.

Oldernotwiser

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I agree only to a point. A relationship as in living with someone should be worked at just as much as marriage.

For me that's one of the main differences - if you're living with someone and things get sticky you can just walk away.

Torry_Quine

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You can live with someone for many reasons and often a lifetime commitment isn't one of them.

Sadly true. Not for me though.;)

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

For me that's one of the main differences - if you're living with someone and things get sticky you can just walk away.

That's one of the major differences between living together and marriage.

mumps

I realised my first marriage was over when I was watching Educating Rita. I was going with a happily married friend and a friend of her who I didn't know. This woman was going through a marriage break up. When the film got to the part where Rita's mum is in the pub crying while they are all singing, I started to cry and so did my friends friend. My friend didn't know what to do with us, we cried as if our hearts were breaking because they were. Until then I had never admitted how unhappy I was. When people talk about being lonely if they are on their own they have no idea how much worse it is to be lonely with someone. Sometimes you need to recognise when something is over.

meritaten

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm certainly not criticising the OP but rather talking generally that some couples are not willing to work on a marriage but rather walk away.

but that isnt relevant on THIS thread is it? as the OP is desperate to save the marraige?
to you - you are talking generally - the OP may think your post is aimed at her.
I am not having a go at you specifically Torry - but there does seem to be a general feeling of 'well we made it work - you should try harder'.
none of you know how hard this poster has tried - and if her OH hasnt tried at all - how dispiriting that is!
When you are trying really hard and nothing is working - when you are really unhappy and you tell them - and they dont take it in - when you serve divorce papers and they react with amazement and shock - and say 'but I thought we were happy!' you are dealing with someone who doesnt really care - they are quite happy with you trying really hard - they dont bother. then they are upset that you are about to rock their little perfect (for them) world. They dont actually CARE you are unhappy - they just dont want to have thier life upset!

nickyhutch

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think that serial relationships are one thing, serial marriages quite something else.

I also think it depends what you mean by unhappy; I'm sure nobody would advocate staying in a violent marriage or with someone who's a serial philanderer but unhappy for many people just means bored or out of love or just not ecstatic, which also seems different to me.

I agree with your first point.

By "unhappy" I mean just that - not "bored" or "out of love" or "not ecstatic" - unhappy. As someone has said, happiness is subjective and I don't think it's for people on the outside looking in to pass judgement on whether someone is "unhappy enough" to leave with our blessing.

Gingham_R

mumps wrote: »

When the film got to the part where Rita's mum is in the pub crying while they are all singing, I started to cry and so did my friends friend. My friend didn't know what to do with us, we cried as if our hearts were breaking because they were.

The exact same thing happened to me when I was watching Frasier and Daphne and Niles finally got together. I completely understand this reaction.