Smoking around kids .... how bad??

FattyBettyBoo

I just wanted to check with some impartial people whether I am being rational and see if anyone has any suggestions.

My ex's partner smokes in the house when my 5 year old is staying there and I hate it but not sure what to do.

I don't smoke, never have never will, and would never date anyone that did. When I was pregnant I would remove myself if people smoked around me and when we stayed with my Dad after DD was born, he stopped smoking so as to not expose my daughter and smell of smoke.

DD has been staying at the home of her Dad and his partner for about a year and I noticed a while back that her clothes were coming back stinking, but assumed that it was just picked up from being around her. Only just found out this week the his girlfriend smokes in the room when my DD is there. I'm furious but not sure what I can do.

The relationship between me and my ex is friendly but he's not easy to talk to. Also, its her house so I feel like I can't tell her what to do, and he may not have much say either. DD loves her Dad and staying there so really not sure what to do.

balletshoes

I think all you can do, in the circumstances, is mention it to your ex. Thats all.

Mandles

I would flip if that was me. Your poor little 5 year old is passive smoking. Why cant they at least smoke outside while he is there?

I saw a man with car windows shut , sitting, smoking inside for ages with a baby in a child seat. Things like that make my blood boil. Do what you like to your own lungs but give kids a choice!!

Tropez

I think you're right to be annoyed.

I don't smoke around children or even my dogs because it isn't right for them to be inhaling my fumes. I switched to e-cigs a while back and still don't do it out of habit.

I think you'll have to bring this up with your ex. There's plenty of scientific research into the effects passive smoking has on young children.

victory

http://chestjournal.chestpubs.org/content/109/2/446.short

http://www.smokingstatistics.org/passive_smoking_statistics.asp

Plans_all_plans

I would be cross too, I'd also bring it up and tell him about the dangers of children (or anyone for that matter) passive smoking. However, if he refuses to listen there's not much you can do, other than stop her from seeing her dad, which is probably not in her best interests if he's a good dad in every other way.

Mandles

victory wrote: »

http://chestjournal.chestpubs.org/content/109/2/446.short

http://www.smokingstatistics.org/passive_smoking_statistics.asp

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/nov/26/passive-smoking-deaths-who-report

That is good too. Maybe print some of these off and ask nicely if there can be no smoking in house with your son. then see how it goes from there.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd be very annoyed (having gone out with a few smokers in my time, they really don't give a monkey's about anyone else when it comes to their addiction in their own home - whatever anyone may claim to the contrary - and will insist that they never do anything that could possibly have the slightest effect upon anyone else), but if it went to court, you wouldn't be likely to get contact stopped on the basis of her continuing to smoke.


So the best you can do is speak to your ex as non confrontationally as possible, say that you would be very grateful if he could deal with it and get his partner to at the least go outside to smoke as you know it's his and her house, but it's his and your child and as he wouldn't dream of doing it, please fix it so she doesn't.

Much better than waving newspaper articles at him.

And it could be that it bothers him anyway, and your involvement will be the impetus he needs to insist on it.


[eta: My eldest's father knew my boyfriend smoked (but only when outside), and constantly whined about DD stinking of smoke and having chest infections that started on a Friday evening and spontaneously evaporated by teatime Sunday, when she came back. Wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't split up with the bloke about 18 months previously, as he certainly wouldn't have looked quite so neurotic when he was shouting it at me in the school playground - so the key is not sounding demented about it ]

meritaten

I am a smoker - but, I have never ever smoked in the house since my son was diagnosed with asthma over twenty five years ago!
I still dont even tho he moved out years ago! out of consideration to other half plus I quite like the fact that my home doesnt smell of old fags!
It is totally wrong to smoke around children - but as it is her house you cannot exactly tell her what to do.
I would however review whether I was willing to let my child go there - but that is up to you to decide!

daska

He may not have any say in whether she smokes in her house, but he has a say about whether he exposes his child to it. I think I'd approach it as a "we have a problem we need to find a solution to. He has a number of choices: talk with his partner, have overnight contact elsewhere, have all contact elsewhere. All those options are open to him. I bought my ex an e-cig kit for Xmas, worth every penny because I don't have to put up with the fug he carries round with him even for the brief periods he's here.

pinkclouds

I would say it is normal to go outdoors to smoke, whether or not there are children in the home. I am not aware of any acquaintances who smoke indoors - nor am I aware of any who would consider it appropriate - and I do know several parents who smoke or who have previously smoked.

Tbh, I kinda feel it's on par with swigging alcohol and strewing bottles about when there is a young child in the room. Tobacco and alcohol are adult products.