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SandC

poltergeist wrote: »

Thank you once again for the replies.



sandc i can see what you are saying , a reaction like that seems like she did not know and I put her in an awkward position by talking about it, everyone has been in touch with everyone.
Would you be able to tell me how you think it is not personal? It seems very personal to me and very hurtful, unexpected, cruel and unjust maybe? I cannot 100% swear on everything I own but I am very very sure I did not do anything otherwise why did they still keep in touch?

A bit like fluffnutter said, in so much as this is about THEM and not you and it isn't likely that they all sat there in a group and decided to leave you out of things. Fluff is probably right and there might well be an instigator in the group that the others follow on to.

I also meant that you don't have to 'do' something for people to just turn into nasty individuals. So even if you did inadvertently do or say something then someone should have said something and not act like this.

So, that's what I meant and of course it's hurtful and cruel - I just didn't want you to think we're all sitting here going 'well you must have done something' cos I'm sure we are not.

LandyAndy

Perhaps they don't want the OP along because of all the flying vases etc.?;)

balletshoes

If all the rest of the group who are going to Zante are what you consider to be close friends to you (now I mean, not however many years ago you were all together in one location), then in your shoes, I'd want to know if there was a reason I hadn't been told that the holiday had been booked and I hadn't had an opportunity to go with them. You are hurt and upset, and if your friends are real friends then you should tell them that.

But, are they real friends? Do the rest of them, due to living closer together etc, actually see each other more than you do?

You've been in phone contact with 2 of them, and not got to the bottom of it. If they are friends, I don't think theres anything wrong with phoning the others and asking the question. You feel excluded and hurt by their actions already, how much worse can it get? As others have said, it could still be a complete misunderstanding.

fluffnutter

LandyAndy wrote: »

No matter how many of these threads I read (and there are plenty) I am always surprised by just how two-faced and unpleasant women are, particularly to each other.:(

It's usually women in groups that are the problem, Andy. This is why I avoid all-female cliques. I have some girlfriends, of course I do, but I tend to see them singly. Nor do they all know one another that well so there's little likelihood that a group will form.

Once women group together, that's when they start ganging up on each other.

peachyprice

Do you know which one has made the booking and is making all the arrangements? IMO, this is the one you need to talk to.

If it were my friends I'd feel more than comfortable to be able to turn around as say 'Oi Mrs, why haven't you booked me for Zante?' for which I would expect a truthful answer. If you feel you can't do this, are they really friends, or more acquaintances?

As balletshoes has asked above, do they all see each more regularly than they see you?

And what was your intital response to the idea? Where you 'hey yes lets do it', or 'hmm probably can't because of money and the children and my OH probably wouldn't like it'? Could they have deduced from your first reponse that you were a no-go so didn't want to embarrass you further by asking again?

LandyAndy

peachyprice wrote: »

Do you know which one has made the booking and is making all the arrangements? IMO, this is the one you need to talk to.

If it were my friends I'd feel more than comfortable to be able to turn around as say 'Oi Mrs, why haven't you booked me for Zante?' for which I would expect a truthful answer. If you feel you can't do this, are they really friends, or more acquaintances?

As balletshoes has asked above, do they all see each more regularly than they see you?

And what was your intital response to the idea? Where you 'hey yes lets do it', or 'hmm probably can't because of money and the children and my OH probably wouldn't like it'? Could they have deduced from your first reponse that you were a no-go so didn't want to embarrass you further by asking again?

That's possble but doesn't tie in well with the person's reaction on the 'phone, does it? Would they not have said 'Oh, gawd, we thought you didn't want to go because you said xyz'?

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

If it were my friends I'd feel more than comfortable to be able to turn around as say 'Oi Mrs, why haven't you booked me for Zante?' for which I would expect a truthful answer. If you feel you can't do this, are they really friends, or more acquaintances?

You're hardly going to get a truthful answer from a person that excluded you though, are you?

You're going to get a weak argument that they thought you couldn't go for whatever reason.

Landys right, the spluttering tells you all you need to know, she'd forgotten you were excluded. Someone in there doesn't like you, whether it's one or all, you won't know. But if they are all going along with it, then none of them are worth knowing.

Draw a line and stop all contact, find new "friends".

peachyprice

LandyAndy wrote: »

That's possble but doesn't tie in well with the person's reaction on the 'phone, does it? Would they not have said 'Oh, gawd, we thought you didn't want to go because you said xyz'?

I suppose. Although it could have just been an 'Oh gawd, so and so said she was going to tell her we were going without her but obviously hasn't' moment.

peachyprice

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You're hardly going to get a truthful answer from a person that excluded you though, are you?

You're going to get a weak argument that they thought you couldn't go for whatever reason.

Landys right, the spluttering tells you all you need to know, she'd forgotten you were excluded. Someone in there doesn't like you, whether it's one or all, you won't know. But if they are all going along with it, then none of them are worth knowing.

Draw a line and stop all contact, find new "friends".

That's the point I was making if they my were friends they yes, I would expect and get a truthful answer, that's what real friends do. So perhaps they're not the 'friends' OP thought they were.

fluffnutter

Women's Hour are running an article on the psychology of female friendship tomorrow. (R4 10am). Bet it mentions this kind of thing!