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SandC

There is a clue in the person you spoke to on the phone's reaction about this. She clearly didn't know you weren't included so it can't be the case that a collective decision has been made en masse to exclude you.

Also, if they had intentionally done so then you would have been dropped off the radar before now, surely? You know you would have just thought nobody was in touch with anybody but turns out it was just you?

I would hazard a guess that the person you originally spoke to has had to go back to the group and demand some answers for herself as to why she was put in that situation.

As you have tried to get some answers I think you need to, difficult as it is, draw a line and walk away. At some point I would guess one or two will get in touch when things are less raw and guiltily try to weedle their way back in as if it never happened. At that point you can make a judgement over what you do.

I honestly don't think this is personal though.

fluffnutter

Women bully each other by social exclusion. It's learnt in the playground and, unfortunately, some women never grow out of it. If anyone dismisses how hurtful this can be, ignore them, poltegeist. It is hurtful, it's meant to be and it's understandable that you feel upset.

Find some new friends, ones that don't feel the need to big themselves up by bullying others. TBH, gangs of school friends who still hang around together decades later seem to be the worst for it. There'll be a couple, possibly even just one woman, who's instigated this deliberate exclusion. The rest will have gone along with it for an easy life. Perhaps it's time to move on and find some adults to be mates with.

It could all be a simple misunderstanding though... but from what you've said, I doubt it.

poltergeist

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sassyblue

poltergeist you poor thing That is cruel, if it was unintentional then l think by now you'd have had someone ringing to apologise and begging you to come along.

Anyway, l'd be happy to move on and ignore the lot of them, they aren't worth it as friends - seriously!

xxx

poltergeist

............,.,,

FunnySaving

I can completely understand why you want to pursue this and find out what the problem is - after all, if you are going to walk away from the friendship anyway, then you may as well know if there was a reason that they have excluded you, so you've got nothing to lose by trying to find out.

fluffnutter

I think it's useful to remember that this is about them, and not you. Whilst it's personal hence you can't help but wonder 'what did I do wrong?' try to instead tell yourself that whomever's instigated this has got their own reasons for doing this and they're actually no reflection on you. In my experience, this kind of thing is inevitably about jealousy or envy. For some reason you and your life strikes a chord with one of the group and they've decided that, rather than be reminded of what's lacking in their own life, they'll simply exclude you. That way, they feel like they've got all the power.

Never attempt to find out what this is all about. Any requests for explanations will just make you look weak. This is one time that it's useful to be proud (pride's often overrated I feel). But in this instance, gather your dignity, rise above it, and try to look forwards.

In time, with no effort from yourself, the picture will become clearer. Women can't help but talk, and you'll find out who's behind this. I also think you'll pick up the friendships with the others too - most of the group will be feeling pretty uncomfortable about this, but probably don't want to make a fuss. It will sort itself out. Trust me, in June/July, when they're all back from this trip, you'll be given the full story by someone.

LandyAndy

SandC wrote: »

There is a clue in the person you spoke to on the phone's reaction about this. She clearly didn't know you weren't included so it can't be the case that a collective decision has been made en masse to exclude you.

.

Really? I would have thought stuttering and embarrassed back tracking showed she knew perfectly well that the OP had been frozen out and that she had let the cat out of the bag.

On the other hand what were these people going to do when they got back from their holiday? Never mention it to the OP? Perhaps they hadn't thought that far ahead.?

Acc72

In reality, are all of you "friends" or is it some convenient arrangement whereby a group of people who were friends as children drift apart for 20 years and then via facebook get back in touch and try to recreate their youth?

Were you really great friends in the first place 20 years ago? (if so, how/why did you all drift apart? - I know it is not as simplistic as that, but hopefully you know what I mean).

Social media is great, but it also creates a kind of time warp.

You all knew each other 20 years ago, and in the meantime have all had different life experiences and are essentially different people from what you once were, however you have all come together and are probably all expecting everybody to be exactly the same as they were all those years ago.

Maybe you have all just grown apart and this "friendship" is actually stopping you from you from pursuing other interests and making other friends ?

LandyAndy

No matter how many of these threads I read (and there are plenty) I am always surprised by just how two-faced and unpleasant women are, particularly to each other.:(