No idea how I got here but need to get out of this place!

dorothy52

Oh Darling, you sound so p1ssed off and stressed - life can be a real bummer at times, can't it? Hope the rent a room thingy comes off, that should generate some cash.

Try to relax a bit this weekend - easier said than done, I know.

brizzledfw

dorothy52 wrote: »

Oh Darling, you sound so p1ssed off and stressed - life can be a real bummer at times, can't it? Hope the rent a room thingy comes off, that should generate some cash.

Try to relax a bit this weekend - easier said than done, I know.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Take it easy and do NOT be hard on yourself

X

missrlr

S that was a disaster, didn't do very well at hobby and gave up, said i would get some tuition. DH end up insulting me telling me i was rubbish for simply giving up and how dare i just walk away rather than trying to sort it out there and then. He even said i told you so and so and you looked at me like i had kicked you. he didn't quite get it when i pointed out if that was the reaction thens SURELY what and how he said was Horrid. which he followed up with a rub your nose in it comment that i had no option but to tell him was beneath him and so low i was shocked at him. Still no apology unless you count "I don't mean to make you cry" as he had reduced me to tears and then complaining I don't speak to him nicely. S apparently that makes it ok then. And now we have to go to a friends 40th part which I am looking forward to about as much as a hole in the head.

I just want to cry a lot more and got it bed. He will drink, probably end up being a complete and utter knob jockey and I will probably end up crying AGAIN which will only serve to make me more flat. Then the cycle starts again tomorrow when I broach the subject. Unless of course I simply boot him out of the car and leave him there to sort himself out.

Right one and all unto the breech we go!

dorothy52

Is your OH a bit of a !!!!!! then, or is he basically a nice bloke and just behaves like one sometimes? I know I should go back to the beginning and read all your diary but the last time I did that was with New Leaf's and I lost a whole evening. It's such a shame cos you sound like such a nice lady, you always provide insightful and sound advice on the other diaries I read.

Being in a toxic relationship is so debilitating, it sounds as if you have your hands full with the financial situation (but again I don't know the history behind that) without a bad relationship thrown into the mix.

You don't have to answer of course, but it might be worth you imagining that one of your other mse friends were in this position, what would you advise?

For what it's worth I have walked away from several relationships that weren't working for me, with massive financial losses ensuing, yet I regret it not one jot. Each time I rebuilt my life and I am now in a place where I have financial security and a good marriage (having said that Mr Dot has got right on my wick today lol)

The last marriage ended when I was in my mid 30s and now that I am in my fifties I am so glad that I am not with him now.

Chin up my lovely, you can always come on here for a moan, and I will lend you my virtual frying pan so that you can give him a virtual smack round the head with it, not that he will feel it but I will make you feel a lot better!

Dotxx

NewLeaf_2

oh god babe. Let us know you are ok. That sounds like emotional terrorism and I am sorry you are going through H$%l

missrlr

He was a complete and utter (insert relevant word here) yesterday, but last night was an absolute normal guy. And I don't mean sweetness and light just NORMAL communicating and generally being nice sane person. I drove so he did have a few drinks but nothing.

I have no idea where his evil comments came from yesterday. Did make me think. I too have walked from 2 previous relationships at great financial costs and emotional upheaval loss of friends (well they weren't rally friends then were they?) and I have no doubt I can do so again. But the sad part is we have been together 4 years and married for nearly 2 which is not A position I thought I would be in with anyone. Mum and Dad finally did the decent thing after many years of complete trauma so marriage was not somewhere I wanted to go. I don't want to do divorce. I know how badly cut up Dad was from the whole thing. Mum was more vocal from before the end IYSOKWIM. I don't want to be made to cry by the person who is supposed to love me unconditionally, support and help me, talk to me and be my friend. !!!!!! now I am crying again. This may have something to do with me , it has happened before when I can't get a grip of emotions. I found myself getting very cross after the event with a stupid woman and her dog who forced me to change my route walking because she demanded it.

We shall see when he wakes up what today brings.

Oh and the debt, it is his from pre living and being married to me. But it impacts so much on him and therefore on us a problem shared is a problem halved.

I read a piece on PTSD and depression from a charity we volunteer at. Most of the things in there I have suffered from since I was about 9 how is that?

Now as to what I would say:
Get a grip and sort out the emotions if necessary go speak to a doctor
Lay out the facts of life regarding behaviour with DH
Sort out an emergency evacuation plan

2 and 3 I can do.
1 I know I can't I have tried and all that happened I found myself going backwards it make life worse not better so that needs a different option.

Doglet now well today, that is a worry I can deal with. Poor boy not eaten breakfast yet!

*Robin*

Hi Missrlr,

Wonder if you too are going down with the lurgi? Feeling hopeless in the couple of days before it hits appears to be common..

Your DH sounds like my Ex. Hope he isn't really; worth remembering most men are selfish little boys at heart - our job is to nurture the hero within.. Though I admit sometimes it's just not possible. Some time apart can help - then at least you've got something to talk about when you're reunited (nb. am not suggesting you should leave him, just make time for yourself without him).

Promising news on the financial front that you have a spare room. Whether or not your friend stays with you while he's working locally, the rent-a-room scheme is worth looking into.
I had to do it after my Dad died; suddenly lost his contribution to the household and had a spare room. Took a couple of goes to find a compatible lodger, but the rent helped so much (meant I didn't have to ask my dear PC to bail me out [again ]).

missrlr

If I am honest I don't think I ever really got over the lurgy. It is not helping me and I need some time for me. I cannot stop feeling like crying. Saw a little old doggie staggering gently down the road with his owner stopping sniffing the grass and taking in the air, aside from the oldness just tootling along and enjoying life. I felt so sad for his owner the old boy can't have much longer to go and it will be so sad for him. I found myself sitting in the car in tears. Goodness me I need to get a grip! Empathy is one thing but clearly this is beyond a joke.

We do need to do stuff separately and we also need to talk, the redundancy issue needs to be solved.

I think he has a security issue wrt to work and this is not helping, I mean it scared the you know what out of me when I was made redundant. THe trouble is if he is nervy and not positive he won't get any other job. And it is up to him at the end of the day but if he is not happy with it then it will not work for him or us.

So I will now go cook roast chicken dinner.

And try to stop feeling like bursting in to tears at the slightest drop of a hat.

NewLeaf_2

Oh dear girl. You need to feel loved and supported and I can tell you feel you are walking on eggshells. I dont like the thought of you being lashed out at.

How did the dinner go? Was it all peaceful?

dorothy52

Hmmmmmm, have I got this right then? He brings a load of debt to the party, you take control of paying it all off and he treats you like !!!!. Is this the state of play? Sorry Darling if I am being blunt, but as you know I am playing catch up here and want to make sure I have all the facts.

I am seriously worried about you, but don't want to make the situation worse by bombarding you with unsolicited advice. Do you just want us to hold your hand while you find your way out of this crap situation? This we can of course do if it will help you. I just remember many many years ago when I had also been married for two years and realised that I had made a mistake and was talking to a much older colleague who would have been about my age now. She told me in no uncertain terms to leave him at whatever cost, and that she wished that she had done the same when she was young, as she was trapped in a miserable marriage and had been for thirty years. I took her advice and never looked back, and often wondered over the ensuing years what would have happened if I hadn't confided in her that day.

Keep strong love, we are all here for you

Dot
xx