No T Words mentioned at all - a fresh start

LaineyT

Ivyleaf, what a true and apt quote.

Thinking of you Fuddle, it's the most natural thing in the world to still be mourning your Mum, like others have said each milestone will bring on such feelings, it's the way the heart heals itself until the grief dissipates leaving nothing but good memories. What good news on the house.
SM, you are so right, it is very hard to know what to do for the best re Mum coming here, given her weakening state we are so mindful of it all becoming too much for her but neither do we want to stop her if she says she is up to coming. It's a mine field for sure.
Talking of which am spending today at DB's and if she feels up to it bringing DM back with me this evening, it also gives my SIL time to catch up a bit if she knows Mum is being cared for. She has been an absolute rock during all of this and it's certainly brought the two of us much closer than we have been for a long time, always something positive.

Glad to read that you are feeling better Lyn, hopefully you managed to find some brown paper.

Hoglet, that certainly sounds like a lot of cycling to me, but I guess like me with horse riding when you find something you love it doesn't just feel like exercise does it?

Glad you are also feeling better Polly, thank you for the candle x

Monna, love the idea of you patting your Dad's cap of an evening, what a lovely way to connect with him every day.

Right, better get going and start my day, hugs to all x

fuddle

Given we found letters from solicitors about her overgrowing garden I am at a loss what to plant. She did like a vase of flowers though so maybe flowers. I'm not very florally educated so will have to give it some thought.

The market is dead Monna. Our little house had been up for 2 months with no interest. I think it's why the vendor took our offer without quibble. We have let Mam's go for a minimal amount. I don't need a lot of money and what I am getting will kit out my new home to a good standard and allow me some savings. We have been spoken to by the estate agents (family member) that we are letting it go too cheaply. Our response is quite simple. It's enough and we'd rather not have the pain than have money.

[Deleted User]

Well done FUDS, good sense and another thing sorted out and in the past now, sad for you being so weepy yesterday but even that helps you along the path to acceptance and then on to your new life my girlie!

We had a lovely afternoon and evening with Maisie yesterday, she was much more relaxed and I got lots of cuddles and tail wags and she's beginning to accept He Who Knows although is still wary if he stands up and she's beside him, he's well over 6' and must be very large to a medium sized doggie. One thing says she's getting used to us, a log dropped in the stove with a 'flump' and shower of popping sparks and she shot over to me and sat as close as she could and wanted some comfort, real progress as a couple of weeks ago she'd have shot to the front door and squeaked for ages. She's a good girl!!!

Today is St.LUCIAs day in Sweden when it's a festival of lights and the custom is to have Lucia Buns which are yeasted buns flavoured with saffron. Many candles are lit and in my advent calendar today I got an 8 hour night light which will be lit as it starts to get dark this afternoon. I love the festive elements from other lands and times that have crept into our English Christmas. We celebrate St. Nicholas day on the 6th, Lucia on the 13th, I have a Tomte made from soft grey felt and wood( a Swedish house elf ) who is called Knut who keeps the house and all things in it safe, I have 2 Jul Boks ( Swedish Christmas Goats who help Santa) on one of my windowsills, we have a hearth dragon called Horace, 6" high made of wood who lives beside the stove all year round to protect the fire and we'll burn a Yule Log from pagan times on Christmas day, wonderful stuff!!!

fuddle

I really enjoy hearing the Swedish, amongst other things, traditions. I shall light my candles today too and break my rule of having the tree on during the day. It's very dark here anyway. Here''s to a cosy day. I'm gift wrapping at some point so I might just enjoy the day now.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. If I'm honest I felt really annoyed at our family member for questioning our decision. I know she was protecting us but it's tough. We're being judged by other family members (mam's sister who also drinks, I've seen twice in 15 years) for putting the house on the market 'too soon and being disrespectful to Mam's memory. So we're either money grabbers or we're clueless kids who don't know how to play the housing market. Neither. I'm a strong women with sense and warmth. I've moved on from judgemental view points and if having the house is exposing us to that sort of stuff again then it can go.

No one helped mam. I tried my best and in the end my sister did too. We were alone in an unhealthy, negative triangle with no support.

It's only now , being amongst folk from old, that I see how far I've come and I see a glimmer in my sister and I think it's now my duty to pass on to her what your influences have given me.

Ok, I'm off to start my day. Now where are my matches

pollyanna_26

Fuds you are totally right to go ahead with the sale of mams house .
You and your sister already know you are doing the most sensible thing , you've both had the pain and the hard work and now is the time to move towards closure . Toxic and unhelpful comments will not move things forward . Somewhere in all the pain and stress you have gained wisdom and insight into your own needs and learned to trust what your heart and mind tell you . Money is not a factor in this , peace of mind and moving forward can't be bought with a bit extra from the sale . A new life waits for you ignore the unhelpful comments and go and get it .
Loved the idea of you setting your sister on the os journey , I think that's lovely and all any poster on the threads would love to read .
The only reason I suggested Rosemary is because it's for remembrance I have a couple for family members , as an evergreen it looks good all year , mine have winter violas in with them at the moment and snowdrops which live in the pots all the year round and are followed in spring by tiny white tete a tete .
I'm sure you'll come up with you own ideas .

I hope today goes well Lainey , the morphine will be a factor in mums tiredness and also her fragility now
I don't know if you are aware or will be able to listen but The Boss is the castaway on desert island discs on Sunday 18th . I haven't listened for years but will listen on Sunday .
Take care
Love polly .

fuddle

I may well copy poly. If rosemary is for rememerance well it makes sense and ticks my 'everything should be useful' headspace plus if I can work out how to get bulbs in there that will flower year round then it will be like Mam's vases of flowers when I was a girl. Thanks poly as my other option was a cheese plant like she had when I was little - it was huge and never going to work in my new house! :rotfl:

pollyanna_26

Oh Fuds cheese plants In the 70s and 8Os I had a couple and I can't imagine why now . I do have a few peace lilies and a couple of spider plants but prefer my plants in the garden .
My rosemarys are in pretty big pots , I'm lucky bulbs seem to survive in there all the year round even when dormant . I add the tiny violas which I've had for a number of years - I let a few go to seed occasionally and sow the seeds for new stock . I have the pale original primroses which come back each spring and a number of other lowish plants which vary through the seasons . I go for plants that as long as they are deadheaded etc don't need a lot of fussing . This has been a blessing as the past year has meant survival of the fittest in the gardens - luckily everything is either evergreen , bulbs and perennials and tough as old boots . I usually have scented geraniums but not this year as they can't survive on tough love , will see next year .
I'm trying to motivate myself to sort out some things for the charity shop as they are badly in need of fresh stock so will bite the bullet and do a bit .
polly

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE if your buyer has bought the house after seeing it I think I'd leave the garden as is, just have a tidy up and make it look neat rather than planting it up with expensive plants and shrubs. That way the buyer can make it the way he/she wants it and I'd hate to see your contributions dug up and discarded because they want to pave/grass over the whole thing rather than have flower beds.

Would you like your own Tomte? if you like the idea I'll get you one next time we go to Sweden and he can look after you and yours in your new home. Tomten are very loyal and very thorough and take the greatest care of their charges and their charges posessions and pets, keep all safe from harm. I find it a charming idea and it's out of folklore so it must be true???

pollyanna_26

Sorry Lyn I may have confused you . I was talking about the new garden not mams .
I loved your post about the log reindeer , HWK is a bit of a treasure isn't he .
polly xx
ps i hope Ruthie is keeping well and Nell who must be looking forward to term end .

[Deleted User]

He's a good man POLLY, he's kind and funny and practical and he keeps me sane (well almost) and makes me reindeer when I need cheering up, I just wish he'd been born with a tiny %age of tidiness gene, sadly he wasn't and is the most chaotic human being I know and prone to losing things constantly, but I luvs him anyway!!!

Ruthie has 2 days to go before she starts her maternity leave, she's fed up with being pregnant she says and the baby is sitting high and is very wriggly. Poor love has constant back ache and will be glad when he arrives. Ezra is being a really good boy for mummy and keeps saying Hello baby when he wanders into the room she's in, so cute and Nell finishes on Thursday too. Tonight there is the end of term carol service in the Cathedral and the head of music wandered up to her yesterday and asked her to turn music pages for him in the organ loft during the service and also adjust the stops for the organ. She phoned me in some glee this afternoon and the information that tonight she is in charge of the 'magnificent old lady' which is the 32' biggest deepest organ pipe they have and literally makes the building shake if played loudly, to say she likes the idea is putting it mildly! it's something she's always had an ambition to do, bless her!!!