No T Words mentioned at all - a fresh start

hoglet121

Hello everyone,

Sorry I've been so quiet lately, I have been reading a long. TBH it's been nice just to have my own space back now Mum's gone. I spoke to her on Sunday and she asked if I had any news of the family - i had to remind her she'd only been gone 6 days and had seen everyone when I last did too.

After much grotty weather last week the last few days have been glorious, alhtough with a ridiculous wind. The mornings are nice and still but yesterday going home on my bike I thought I was going to get blown off it. Cycled in this morning again, didn't want to be a) the weather is good and must be made the most of and b) I must get used to cycling everyday if I'm going to be doing my epic in February. I will have to spend some time on my foam roller tongiht, it took 8 miles for my legs to loosen up this morning. Small incident where my chain came of fin heavy traffic and up a hill but I got it sorted. It's never dull!

Must dash - gotta get onto some work and there's an Indian bakery shouting for me.
Much love to you all


Hoglet xx

[Deleted User]

LAINEY love guilt is time wasted and wasted time when time is limited you'll never ever get back again. You are being with Mum and doing things for and with her too as much as you are able to, your brother and his family have the right accommodation for mum and being comfortable will be a huge factor in keeping her with you for as long as is possible. Would it help if you both talked over your taking a more active role and perhaps went to stay over sometimes to be mums carer overnight, you've said that your brother and his wife don't get much time on their own since they've been accommodation Mum, that way you'd feel more involved and it might be a respite that they wouldn't be comfortable putting into words, to give them time out together. Mum won't mind who is there because she loves you all but she would be sad if she felt she was causing angst with her loved ones.

fuddle

Morning everyone

What a night for many I expect. We didn't escape here. I awoke to road closures about the locality. I didn't sleep at all well. I decided at 1.30am to just get up. I spent the night wrapped up in my blankets on the sofa reading my feel good book about Christmas, knitting, picture perfect village and romance with a cup of tea and a buttered cheese scone. I may not have been sleeping but I felt on top of the world, relaxed while the world battered about outside.

I will pay for it come 2.30pm though.

[Deleted User]

Hi FUDS we were wild, wet and windy here last night too so I cheated and used a pair of wax earplugs that I take travelling when I go, shut the noise out beautifully and let you doze through the storm. They sell them in Boots and they're not expensive but worth their weight in not being shattered the next day. Hope you make it through the afternoon without dropping off pet!

pollyanna_26

Hello everyone . Yet again I've been missing for nearly a week .
Just skimmed through this page and although Lainey will have seen her brother already I would agree with Lyn . I experienced family problems when my first husband was terminally ill and it can be very destructive and last into the future . There will be a way you can both be equally involved and support each other in the time to come and keep the famous five as they were in your memory and in the future x
I will read back and possibly get online either tonight or in the next couple of days . We've had nights when neither of us even got to bed or averaged 3 hours max .
Not comparable to other peoples sadness and fears here but the first time ever I felt like saying to someone I can't do this anymore . Luckily I was able to say it to our dear doctor and his wise counsel put the steel back in my spine .
No sleep for both of us last night but something hopeful today ( fingers crossed ) means we should be in bed early and we wont need much rocking .
Fuds Some flooding here front and back garden as usual but no sea defences or rivers breached . Glad you've got the knitting out again - it's kept me semi sane over the last few weeks . Wishing you some restful sleep and hope the injection is given soon .
Sending love to all who post or read . You are always in my thoughts and candles even when I go awol
Much love
polly x

[Deleted User]

POLLY you're a marvellous mum and your dearest daughter is worth all the extras that you do so unquestioningly, I so hope you both manage some sleep tonight and both feel immeasurably better for it tomorrow. Hugs and love to you both, will keep you in my prayers Lyn xxx.

candlelight_2013

Good evening all,

Just a shorty from me to say Lainey I hope Mum was well enough to go for her scan, and that you and your brother have managed to talk.

Lyn was right,don't waste time because later you will wish you hadn't. You say your DBs home is better set up to look after your Mum, and I know you have her as often as she is well enough to go to your home. I know also that your DB and SIL must welcome a little respite now and again when you have Mum, so in effect you must both be sharing the responsibility of looking after her.

You are both under enormous pressure, and you even more so having lost your dear boy. Be kind to each other, which I know you are normally, it is just that there is this enormous elephant in the room, and the uncertainty of the future.

I am sure you didn't sleep well last night, I hope you have a better night tonight.

Much love to you Lainey

Candlelightx

LaineyT

Hello all, oh my dear friends, how I do respect and cherish your wise words x
We all sat down after Mum's visit to the hospital and talked things through, my DB and his family are simply exhausted so it's been decided that Mum will come to ours for what will hopefully be a few days but we will just see how it goes. As my DB said we have all just been taking it one day at a time, rightly so, but it's been nearly 8 weeks now and they need some respite. By her own admission and with no wish to be morbid, Mum didn't expect to still be around and whilst it was absolutely the right decision to get her out of hospital I don't think any of us could have anticipated it would have been so long. Time to reassess.
The last thing any of us want is for this to cause a breach in our family, Mum knows how loved and cherished she is, at the end of the day family is all that matters.
Talking of which I do hope you had a better night Polly dear after the doctors wise words, can only echo Lyn's words and say you are clearly a marvellous Mum who is doing her best, love and strength to you x
Hope you had a better night Fuddle, mind your description of your cosy place was wonderful x
Thank you Candlelight, I read your post before going to bed, I was too tired to post in reply but it cheered me no end to know you were thinking of us x

[Deleted User]

Glad you've talked to each other LAINEY, it's such a difficult thing to watch someone you love so much wondering if each visit made will be the last and being stressed and on edge all the time is wearingly wearying. 8 weeks is a very long period to have to endure under those conditions and I suspect you're all, including Mum, tired out. If you can, and it's a big ask, try to put out of your mind Mums 'allotted time' on this earth and simply enjoy every second you have with her like you would have when you were a child. It can be done and if you can find the inner child in yourself it will make the rest of Mums journey so much easier for ALL of you. Carpe Deum my friend, live the day, tomorrow we have no control over and can deal with it and anything it brings when it arrives BUT today, today you can live, you can smile, you can love and you can enjoy each others company and just be together in warmth and joy so seize today and hold it tight and have some quality time with Mum xxx.

The best treat last night, He Who Knows phone went bingley bong at around 8.30 and two photographs came in, to begin with I couldn't 'see' what I was looking at but Ruthie and Nell told me how to orient the photos and what to look at and the most magical thing emerged.....3D scans of my new grandsons little face, he's beautiful, he's so utterly cute, we can see the cleft and know the size and position of it and it's small and he looks just like my Zebra, Oh goodness I love him so very much he's wonderful!!! Happy now xxx.

monnagran

Oh, Lyn, what happiness to see your little grandsons face. It makes him such a real little person already. Not long now!

Lainey: You know that you are in the arms and prayers of everyone who reads your story on this forum.
Letting a beloved parent go is the hardest thing and being strong for them is the last service we can offer them.

I can do no better than to offer you the words that a young friend of mine has tattooed on her back.

"Live today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one."

It sort of puts everything into perspective.

x