fffurious with OH

euronorris

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Beggur yuor ligoc.

The logic might be right. It probably is. The point is that as a couple, you do not speak on behalf of your other half without speaking to the OH first.

I would be mortified if either I or Mrs Shadow had to renotify people of a change to our decision resulting from one of us shooting our mouth off and then reconsidering after the other had had their chance to give their input.

If Mrs Shadow said we were not going, but I really wanted to, I would still hate to be changing that decision. There is a certain amount of pride and possibly advantage in being able to speak as one. Part of that is not speaking out before you are sure you are speaking as one. Mrs Shadow and I have learnt that speaking as one has a lot going for it.

Well, it seems you two don't like to do that ever. We, and others it seems, don't mind that happening on the smaller things. In fact, my OH got quite annoyed with me checking with him so much over the smaller things, that I had to adjust how I approached the smaller things.

Would always consult him on the bigger things, and vice versa.

Neither of us have a problem with changing plans where needed. Though it doesn't happen often.

What's important, for this thread, is what the arrangement is between OP and her OH. They've been together quite some time, so I imagine this stuff must've already been discussed and agreed upon. Question is, what was that? And did OP go against what was agreed in respect to this kind of thing?

tiff

If this situation happened with DH and I, we both would know that that sort of money would be out of the question and DH wouldnt have a problem with me saying we wouldnt be going. Saying that though, I would probably speak to him first so we are together on what reason we would give for not staying at the hotel. You dont always want to say "we cant afford it". So I agree with Euronorris that it depends on the usual relationship between the OP and her OH.

melancholly

i have never known anyone be expected to book hotel rooms for a wedding over a year in advance..... mad! plus the expectation to be there for two nights - very presumptuous.

meer53

I was invited to a close friends wedding last year. In Positano. She very kindly emailed me the details of a package they had negotiated for guests, hotel, flights etc. For 5 days it was £1400.00 !!! She said i would struggle to get cheaper accomodation as it's a very small place. No problem, i said, i cant afford it, sorry. What would i tell my daughter ? Sorry we can't have a holiday this year because Mummy is going to a wedding ?

I did manage to watch the ceremony though from the comfort of my living room, there was a webcam set up in the church, i watched it online ! It was beautiful, i would much rather have been there but £1400 ? Not on your nelly ! It was her second wedding too !

I think the OP should have discussed it with her OH too, would have saved a lot of aggro !

victory

euronorris wrote: »

What's important, for this thread, is what the arrangement is between OP and her OH. They've been together quite some time, so I imagine this stuff must've already been discussed and agreed upon. Question is, what was that? And did OP go against what was agreed in respect to this kind of thing?

That is a very good point. If they have been married a lot time they would know the workings, how they expect the other to react/deal with/sort out the big stuff, the OP would have known if her OH would have minded/not minded his wife dealing with the situation there and then without a discussion.

I agree about the small stuff, we do that, hardly worth discussing it is just small but the big stuff is 50/50 no doubts, nothing decided without the other.

Very good point what is the answer?

Stephb1986_2

Hi op I don't blame you for saying no, I'm getting married in 2014 and the hotel we picked is expensive but we can get the guests room discount if people don't want to stay there that's not a problem I will also be providing a list of local b & b's. I don't see how someone can expect you to pay that sort of money for a friends daughters wedding it's totally ridiculous the hotel we've picked is around £120 per night but that will be reduced with the rate we would get. Stick to your guns

Steph xx

poet123

I think the crux of the matter is whose friend this is primarily. In the same situation even if I knew we wouldn't be going I would have said I will speak to OH and get back to you. If it had been a friend of mine primarily I would have said what the OP said.

In the OP's husbands position I would have been a bit annoyed if my OH had answered for us as a couple when it was my friend. That said, my OH probably wouldn't be annoyed if I had done it if it had been a friend of his as those kinds of thing rarely bother him.

I do think that there is more to his reaction than meets the eye here though, given his input to his own daughters wedding.

meritaten

tbh, OH is such a tightwad it never occurred to me to say yes or discuss it with him! as it never crossed my mind he wouldnt react with total horror to that amount being spent on a hotel room (for two nights).
So, I was rather taken aback that he was so annoyed with me!
yes, it could be he felt that I had shown him up - and I think the jealousy issue is his - not mine! his best friend does very nicely for a living and I think OH feels he has to 'keep up with him'
to be fair to OH - DD arranged and paid for her own wedding and took great pride in doing so - I think OH did offer her money and she turned it down. so that was wrong of me - difficult to think clearly when there is a red mist in front of your eyes!

I now realise most of you think of me as ''the pearl necklace woman'! lmao - should I go into business?

geoffky

Well done...

DVardysShadow

euronorris wrote: »

Well, it seems you two don't like to do that ever. We, and others it seems, don't mind that happening on the smaller things. In fact, my OH got quite annoyed with me checking with him so much over the smaller things, that I had to adjust how I approached the smaller things.

Would always consult him on the bigger things, and vice versa.

Neither of us have a problem with changing plans where needed. Though it doesn't happen often.

What's important, for this thread, is what the arrangement is between OP and her OH. They've been together quite some time, so I imagine this stuff must've already been discussed and agreed upon. Question is, what was that? And did OP go against what was agreed in respect to this kind of thing?

£300 might be a small thing, but it being too much indicates it is a big thing. But it is OH's best friend's wedding. If that is not a big thing, I don't know what is.