fffurious with OH

mountainofdebt

Well as I understand it the cost is for 2 nights so at £150 per night its not that unreasonable if its an up market sort of hotel.

As for being asked - could it be that all the rooms have been booked up by the wedding party and they are being allocated by the family ?

It sounds as if the wedding is some distance away and when we found ourselves in a similar position, we used a local b&b for the 1st night and then stayed at the place where the reception was the 2nd .....which was nice as we could go to our room when we wanted and didn't have to worry about booking taxis and hoping that they would come when I wanted them to (ie not early enough so I missed some of the evening or late so that I was just hanging around)

I think the OP's OH is more concerned as to how it appears and I do think the OP could have said she would get back to the bride's mother...even if there was no intention of staying the 2 nights.

Sooki

It's quite normal and reasonable to not put guests in such an embarrassing position at events.

In fact it is probably more normal to make suggestions about alternative accommodation and organise transport accordingly that way everyone is leaving at a similar time.

I would guess that the bridal party committed to these rooms early on and everyone has had much the same reaction to the price and they are working their way down the guest list. Why else would the mother be ringing round surely this kind of stuff would have been on the invite!

picnmix

I'm sorry OP but I can see why your OH is put out. If my BF daughter was getting married and my BF spoke to my OH and he said no we won't be doing that, without discussing it together, I would be peed off.

If you can't afford it, or don't want to spend that on someone elses wedding party, fair enough, but I think you should have just said, "oh will discuss and get back to you".

You and OH could have had a "discussion" and he could have then spoken to his BF and explained the situation however his male pride wanted to.

Hope you start talking soon, and try not to do him in - frowned upon in most circles

euronorris

DVardysShadow wrote: »

This is OP;s OH's best friend, not OP's best friend. If it were my best fiend I would want Mrs Shadow to give me an input into the decision and opportunity to think of other ways of doing it if money was tight and above all to take time to think the thing through.

Mrs Shadow would not do this to me, but I can tell you that I would thoroughly resent being bounced into a decision which I might have taken anyway. There is more to it than the outcome, there is the matter of getting the process right, exploring other options and delivering the decision to the friends in the best way.

But my logic there would be: If it wasn't viable for us to do it for our daughter (without her help), then it won't be viable for us to do it for the daughter of his best friend.

Besides, regardless of why he's annoyed, that isn't really the issue. How he's dealing with it is. It's fine to be annoyed about stuff, it's not fine to completely over react and refuse to explain why you are feeling so upset in a rational and calm manner.

Add to that, if he then went to great lengths for this wedding, when he didn't for his own daughter's, then we'd be having serious words.

I'm curious, why is this wedding important enough to warrant such an extreme reaction from him?

Even if he was annoyed about not being included in the decision making process, why couldn't he just say 'I'm annoyed you didn't speak to me about it first. Please check with me first in future. Now, let's discuss if a) we're going and b) where we will be staying if we do.'.

It's not like they couldn't call up and say ' sorry, there was a misunderstanding, we will be staying at X hotel and are looking forward to it.'. The OP's OH has over reacted massively, IMO.

BitterAndTwisted

Eh, if they stop talking completely the OP won't have to face being given yet another nasty, cheap necklace for Christmas. I'd say that would be a bonus whatever way you look at it.

marywooyeah

me and OH had a penthouse suite which took up 1/3rd of the top floor of the hotel with a living room hottub and bay window overlooking the city on our wedding night - it costs £210.

what does this £310 room have? it's own personal staff and resturant? OP you were competely correct to refuse to pay that and good on you for being honest about the reasons why.

kaylee*

I would be wondering why he got so angry because of what you said to this woman.
Sorry to say it, but does he secretly fancy her?
What a horrible thing to say to his wife. He would be in serious trouble, if he spoke to me like that!

sassyblue

meritaten wrote: »

Oh didnt contribute any money to our daughters wedding and much to my shame she paid for our room at the hotel. her dad didnt give her a penny!
I am so angry with him - if I disappear off here its prob cos I have done him in!

I can understand why you're furious with him but the bit above.... why didn't you TELL your hubby you would be contributing or paying for the room?? It was your daughters wedding after all. :eek: I wonder if your daughter will find out about this wedding and the cost of the room l'd be devastated if l found out my parents contributed more towards a virtual strangers wedding.

DVardysShadow

euronorris wrote: »

But my logic there would be: If it wasn't viable for us to do it for our daughter (without her help), then it won't be viable for us to do it for the daughter of his best friend.

Besides, regardless of why he's annoyed, that isn't really the issue. How he's dealing with it is. It's fine to be annoyed about stuff, it's not fine to completely over react and refuse to explain why you are feeling so upset in a rational and calm manner.

Add to that, if he then went to great lengths for this wedding, when he didn't for his own daughter's, then we'd be having serious words.

I'm curious, why is this wedding important enough to warrant such an extreme reaction from him?

Even if he was annoyed about not being included in the decision making process, why couldn't he just say 'I'm annoyed you didn't speak to me about it first. Please check with me first in future. Now, let's discuss if a) we're going and b) where we will be staying if we do.'.

It's not like they couldn't call up and say ' sorry, there was a misunderstanding, we will be staying at X hotel and are looking forward to it.'. The OP's OH has over reacted massively, IMO.

Beggur yuor ligoc.

The logic might be right. It probably is. The point is that as a couple, you do not speak on behalf of your other half without speaking to the OH first.

I would be mortified if either I or Mrs Shadow had to renotify people of a change to our decision resulting from one of us shooting our mouth off and then reconsidering after the other had had their chance to give their input.

If Mrs Shadow said we were not going, but I really wanted to, I would still hate to be changing that decision. There is a certain amount of pride and possibly advantage in being able to speak as one. Part of that is not speaking out before you are sure you are speaking as one. Mrs Shadow and I have learnt that speaking as one has a lot going for it.

Valli

and, once again, Valli is glad that Valli is single.

FWIW I think he feels you've 'shown him up' by admitting/implying that the hotel is too expensive.