Been looking at husbands internet history..

Carl31

whatshouldido wrote: »

Open question to men: what are your views on cybersex - do you view it as just an extension of !!!!!!, or does it mean you are wanting to relate to/reach out to another real person sexually, someone who isnt your wife/GF.. could it lead to meeting up with some of these women or does it never go beyond the online sites?

ive never done it, but i certainly wouldn't view it as cheating

its just a bit of an escape, like watching movies, playing computer games, just a hobby i suppose

I think most men that use chat types rooms know these women arent 'real', its just a modern equivalent to a !!!!!! mag, it moves and responds, just a bit of a thrill

The fact that a man uses this as an outlet probably means he doesnt actually go to other women, what would you prefer?

whatshouldido

Carl - he said to me that it stops him from cheating (which I think was a horrid thing to say) but I do wonder if thats true.

I read that men who look at !!!!!! are more likely to cheat..

And the other thing I worry about (I am a worrier!) is that it could lead to the real thing, though I did check out the upforit site and it seems that theres more on video sex chats than actually meeting/dating..

Peater

Ok, as a virile young chap, i do 'from time to time' frequent such sites. However, these 'chat' things pop-up on most free !!!!!! sites nowadays (more of an annoyance to me). So it's unlikely that he has intentionally searched out such an avenue to start with, but perhaps he has clicked on one of them and discovered that texting some random desperate for cash skank in America to show him her bits and bobbins is what he likes. It could become mildly addictive i imagine, but i dont see that it would be a gateway for him to cheat on you.

As it is bothering you, i would mention it. But perhaps word it as 'Oh, by the way, you might want to think about clearing your internet history from time to time matey. I'm onto you!'. Get him worried!

Just remember - !!!!!! is !!!!!! and sex is sex. Please don't feel betrayed, it's just like draining a cyst. It needs to be done for our own well-being aswell as those around us.

VestanPance

whatshouldido wrote: »

I would confront him about this but we are going through a slightly rough patch, our marriage has always been hard, but its been getting better and I don't want to ruin it by throwing this into the mix

This is the most alerting thing to me. You've been married a year and it's always been hard!

Viewing !!!!!! for most blokes would be normal, in a relationship or not. Cyber sex or sex dating websites I'd say is going way beyond that mark personally. !!!!!! is nothing more than a visual stimulation to blokes while erm relieving some stress! Cyber sex or viewing dating sites of any form would make me think there are deeper issues at hand. I'd be upset over that certianly, only about the !!!!!! if he was using that rather than having sex.

stayingupright

Carl31 wrote: »

ive never done it, but i certainly wouldn't view it as cheating

its just a bit of an escape, like watching movies, playing computer games, just a hobby i suppose

I think most men that use chat types rooms know these women arent 'real', its just a modern equivalent to a !!!!!! mag, it moves and responds, just a bit of a thrill

The fact that a man uses this as an outlet probably means he doesnt
actually go to other women, what would you prefer?

But he HAS gone to another woman - albeit not in a physical sense, but he HAS chosen to interact sexually with this stranger, rather than having sex with his wife... and that IS cheating, if he gets off, by telling a woman what to do, and watching her, then it is taking away from the marriage. And it can't possibly be viewed as the same as !!!!!!, that is not an interaction.

I see it as no different to cheating.. why won't he then step it up a notch and visit a prostitute?

I agree that !!!!!! is normal for men to watch, but the minute he has interacted with another woman sexually, then he has cheated...

I'm sure the OP would rather her OH wanted her to please him, and would rather he pleased her, than a random stranger.

If women were having cybersex with men, it wouldn't be tolerated.

And the OP has said their sex life is suffering, her OH is NOT addressing that, and in fact will find it hard to rebuild a satisfying sex life with her, if he has women who can get him off, without the need for a loving, intimate sex life

Mojisola

whatshouldido wrote: »

So today I checked his history and found that he's been using sex chat videos, you know the ones where you type stuff in and the woman does what you ask.

I would confront him about this but we are going through a slightly rough patch, our marriage has always been hard, but its been getting better and I don't want to ruin it by throwing this into the mix

whatshouldido wrote: »

We havent had sex for almost 2 weeks - our sex life isnt the best, basically since we got married. It was great before that..at the mo, we have sex about twice a week, which for both of us is really not enough

He has a very high sex drive and could have sex every night, and I could too, but he has this thing about me initiating all the time, and I get fed up with that, and we end up with a 2 week dry period if I leave him to his devices..

I'll be the first to admit, our relationship isnt the healthiest in terms of communication about issues, but we love each other to bits and had to fight a lot of issues to be together..we're still not there in terms of communication but im trying to get there slowly

He won't initiate sex with you but will ask the sex workers on screen to do things? It sounds more like a communication problem than an issue with !!!!!!.

Get professional help with communication.

You both want a lot of sex and you're not getting it - life could be very good if you talk about this!

sassyblue

mgdavid wrote: »

'cos blokes are very simple and trusting animals and don't go snooping in browser history.

You're clearly new here, you'll learn - they do.

JimmyTheWig

Sounds to me like he's got women on the internet to do what he says. So in the marital bed he wants something different - i.e. his wife to do the initiating.

The two issues might be linked.

Lotus-eater

whatshouldido wrote: »

Open question to men: what are your views on cybersex - do you view it as just an extension of !!!!!!, or does it mean you are wanting to relate to/reach out to another real person sexually, someone who isnt your wife/GF.. could it lead to meeting up with some of these women or does it never go beyond the online sites?

It's a difficult question.

!!!!!! is fine, no problem with people looking at that. Free cams are also fine.
I wouldn't much like my wife talking to a bloke online and him doing what she wanted, on the other hand, it's a hell of a lot better than her meeting someone in real life.

I would class cybersex as meeting someone somewhere and the conversation turning to sex, maybe a cam involved. I don't really class it as cheating, but it does have the potential to turn into a real life relationship. A one off with one person, I wouldn't be too bothered, but again and again with the same person, that's too much.

Anyone you pay for sex online IMO isn't cheating, you're never going to meet them in real life anyway. It's just like a sex chat line. And while I think it's daft to pay for that and it's not my bag at all, I know lots of men do like it.

Lotus-eater

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Sounds to me like he's got women on the internet to do what he says. So in the marital bed he wants something different - i.e. his wife to do the initiating.

The two issues might be linked.

Maybe he gets the women online to order him about? And that's what he wants at home?
Who knows, it's guess work.