So - your 8 year old is having a tantrum... do you?

lostinrates

Nicki wrote: »

As for "staying up" to post, if only. I've been awake for 48 hours straight now with a sick disabled child, and filled in some time while she was briefly settled in the early hours.

Without wanting to get entangled in something that appears to be longstanding dispute, up for 48 hours and worrying about an ill child is bound to tire someone, and getting into vehement internet discussion of any sort is probably not terribly helpful.

Ots certainly not reflecting terribly well on any one. The mse ignore feature is very useful for dealing with someone who Pushes ones buttons. It is terribly underused, and if people who had longstanding illhumour between them would both use it their mse experience, and that of other univolved users, would probably be much better.

lostinrates

[QUOTE=pinkclouds

If I'm going to pick anyone out here, can I please recommend POPPYOSCAR to you as the voice of reason? And perhaps lostinrates too?

My quote thingy is being awkward, but i am very cleary not the voice of reason, but rather the vice of reason. As it says in my sig, before something about pants::o

Lunar_Eclipse

Padz wrote: »

Your child is kicking off because the carvery restaurant have run out of gammon and turkey and you need to go somewhere else. You've given the child the choice of staying there and eating something different from the menu but she demands a carvery. You decide to go elsewhere and tell your child but your child says "But I wanted to eat HERE!" and throws herself round in a temper hitting a stranger on the arm in the process.


A) Apologise to the poor innocent middle-aged woman in the queue who was struck by your child flailing their arms around in a temper? Or maybe ask your child to say sorry?

Have a stand up row with the stranger because they complained about being hit?

Thoughts appreciated. Thanks.

In this scenario I'd say A, but in reality I doubt I'd take my child to restaurants if I thought that behaviour was possible at the age of 8.

I'd be mortified and can only assume the parent was so stressed out by the behaviour also, that they reacted in the way you describe.

The stranger has been accidentally hit by an 8 year old having a tantrum. My heart goes out to the child's poor mother, dealing with them 24/7.

POPPYOSCAR

pinkclouds wrote: »

Simply by feeling that way.

Someone's words can only hurt you if you give them the power to do so.

I do agree with this, but it would seem to me that a great many posters on here could quite easily be in an emotionally 'fragile' state of mind.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I do agree with this, but it would seem to me that a great many posters on here could quite easily be in an emotionally 'fragile' state of mind.

This is a good point, and prompts me to say something i wasn't going to.

I agree there are some very vulnerable children who need compassion and tolerance. However, in defending them and supporting them their parents or carers sometimes fail to realise the childs behaviour can be impacting on other children, or indeed, adults, who are also vulnerable or damaged and having the behaviour continue an apologised for can create issues for others in the environment. The parent can no more be expected to know this than the bystander can know that the child is in someway vulnerable, which imo is probably part of why society developes guidelines for acceptable behaviour.

thunderbird

elvis86 wrote: »

OP, what you obviously should have done is;

• Apologise to the child and parent for being in the way
• Considered the fact that the child might be anything from newborn to 18 (despite appearing to be around 8 years old)
• Considered that the child might have Autism/Aspergers/ASD/ADHD/HIV/GBH/TGI Fridays
• Considered that the woman and her child might have just been to a funeral/just been in a car crash/just landed from Mars

God, woman. Have some common courtesy to others!:cool:

in other words - Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Wise words

pollys

Padz wrote: »

. Plus it was a girl and autism is less common in girls.

True but the 8 year old child with autism in my class is a girl, meltdowns have happened in the dinner queue because there were no tuna wraps left.

Pollys

mumps

I don't think you can diagnose a child that easily OP. If you can you should come and get a job where I work, the time psychiatrists spend trying to decide if someone has ASD, personality disorder or something completely different when you could just have a quick look and tell us. I understand why you were annoyed but I do think you should have a little thought about what the mother might be going through, having an 8 year old behaving like that isn't much fun whether it is ASD bad manners or whatever.

I can look back and think of two incidents when I don't think I behaved well but I think I did deserve some sympathy. On one occasion I was driving home after spending the last two days of my mother's life by her bedside. I was doing a 200 mile drive and feeling very sad. I stopped for a coffee as I was feeling lousy and realised I needed a break. Well an old chap with a tray tried to push in front of me to join his friends, they were all on a coach. Now did it matter? Not really, not a big deal but I was feeling fragile and I blocked him, he tried harder and so did I, it was stalemate. The poor young man on the till didn't know what to do when we got to him. I said in a loud voice, "This horrible little man is trying to push me out of the way, I am on my way home from my mother's death bed, I have a sick child at home and I am not going to let him do it." The whole place went quiet, he looked like he wanted the floor to open and I burst into tears. What a spectable.

On another occasion I was travelling with husband, in very early stages of pregnancy and started to feel unwell. Went to loo and found I was bleeding. I came out trying to be brave and started to tell OH. A poor man was rushing past and his coffee was knocked and some landed on me. Well it was hot and not very nice but really in other circumstances I wouldn't have said anything. But I was feeling bad and I burst into tears (honestly I don't do it very often in fact I can't think when else I have cried in public) and said, "Well at least you could apologise." He turned and came back to say sorry, clearly mortified and thinking he had fatally injured me I think. My OH gave me a cuddle and reassured the guy.

I am sure they both still think I was a mad woman/loud mouthed lout or who knows what. I always try to remember those moments when someone over reacts or reacts badly. Sorry for the ramble.

System

Padz wrote: »

Are they genuine questions? I'll answer them if they are.

of course they are ! answers please .

System

make_me_wise wrote: »

I am a teacher of year 3. Yes autistic children do attend maintream schools. The spectrum of Autism is huge so in some children it is very obvious that they suffer from it. In other children it is not obvious just by looking at them. In school we are trained in all manner of techniques to help the children achieve as much independance as possible. We believe this involves them feeling happy and comfy in their environment and being able to manage their behaviours. Whether this be small visual prompts, timers, stickers etc. As most parents will know when you go out and eat with kids you take things to keep them entertained, colouring books and the like. With an autistic child you could take things to help them cope also.

Had this child in the restaurant been autistic then the whole situation could very easily have triggered the reaction and incidents described. However from the sounds of it, at best the OP got very short and rude shift from the mother. Assuming she has no learning difficulties there is absolutley no reason for her to have been rude or offensive back to the OP. Apart from anything else it would not help the child to see or hear their parent become aggressive or nasty.

I got the impression from the OP that the main problem was with the mothers handling of things not what the child did.

i fully understand how to deal with a autistic child as i have one , my questions were regarding the sweeping statements from someone claiming to be a teacher.