So - your 8 year old is having a tantrum... do you?

daska

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think a lot of us can relate to having to cope with a difficult child, and are sympathetic, we have been there to some degree or another.

I don't think the problem here is the child but more the fact of the mother turning on the OP that is difficult to understand and accept.

Agreed! I was really responding to: the OP's comment that that it couldn't be autism because she'd have recognised it, the comments that advocated smacking and the comments that stated that any behaviour like that over the age of 3 was automatically the fault of bad parenting. And as I said, good manners are one key to tackling problems - what I had in mind was dealing with unsuspecting members of the public who, despite your best efforts, encounter the less sociable aspects of disabilities such as DS2's.

POPPYOSCAR

daska wrote: »

Agreed! I was really responding to: the OP's comment that that it couldn't be autism because she'd have recognised it, the comments that advocated smacking and the comments that stated that any behaviour like that over the age of 3 was automatically the fault of bad parenting. And as I said, good manners are one key to tackling problems - what I had in mind was dealing with unsuspecting members of the public who, despite your best efforts, encounter the less sociable aspects of disabilities such as DS2's.

Yes I understand.

Savvy_Sue

Padz wrote: »

She offered no apology or excuse at all. Her child started crying while her mother and I were debating firmly. The mother accused me of making her cry. I can't see how I did that.

Some children become distressed if they see adults around them arguing. I'm not saying you 'made' her cry, but by entering into a spirited discussion with the mother, you may have added to the 'trigger factors'.

Or the child may have thought that 'turning on the waterworks' would get attention back if she felt it had drifted away from her. Impossible to tell.

I just don't know why you entered into debate with someone who didn't have the grace to apologise on behalf of her child. But it's pointless to speculate on why she didn't do that - maybe she has no manners herself, and maybe she was just at the end of her tether and didn't need someone pointing out what she already knew, that her child was behaving inappropriately in public. We don't know if the child has a disability of any kind or is just badly brought up.

Mind you, I do know that some adults are quite sensitive to being pushed / hit / jostled by others. I knew one lady who was very wary of children pushing shopping trolleys and fairly vocal if she felt there was a lack of control: she'd been hit by a trolley and her knee had never been the same again. While I had my arm tied to my body I'd have been quite vocal if anyone had come near me with flailing arms because it would have hurt, a lot, if I'd been hit. If I'd been in a queue and arms had started flailing nearby, I'd have got out of the way pdq!

thunderbird

- I wouldn't have mentioned to the mother that the child had hit me as, from what you say, it wasn't an intentional 'hit', you weren't really hurt and she was obviously having a bad enough day as it was.

- I wouldn't judge the mother or the way she has brought up her child based on an incident like this.

- I think any apology should have come from the child not the mother.

LisaB85

make_me_wise wrote: »

How dare you. You are a liar. It is you that has the agenda Nikki and no-one else. I have never ever called a victim of DV pathetic or said that no one wanted to read her 'snivelling drivel'. I have gone out of my way to help people on this site who find themselves in that situation. How low can you get, you are sick. If this post gets removed for me telling someone like you what I think of you then so be it. I will not sit back and let anyone suggest I would say such things. I am horrified by you.

I can vouch for that....

Dontknowanymore

pigpen wrote: »

Apologise to the lady who was hit.. it wasnt deliberate.. take my child home and send them to their room and they would get toast later if they were lucky and Id treat myself to a takeaway.

BUT... it is quite possible a child of that age having a tantrum may have an unseen disability such as Aspergers or other autistic spectrum disorder or learning difficulty.. while many children run amok, many middle aged women are too quick to jump to the conclusion it is the parent at fault.

It doesn't even need to be a disability.
Some children have been through enough stuff to send an adult off the rails, some children are emotionally under developed etc etc.
I think so many people are too quick to judge children as being spoilt little brats or their parents rubbish.

EDIT: in answer to the OP I would of apologised profusely(sp?) and took my boy home.
But to be honest I wouldn't of let it get that far, my son can be a little SHiote bag sometimes but if he started to kick off in a restaurant, infact anywhere, he gets 2 choices, carry on and face the punsihment or stop and we carry on as normal and he can have the meal, or whatever it is. He aint silly, good choice always wins out.

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

If you were hurt and yelped - I would have apologised to you immediately, if you were knocked and made an 'owww' in that whingy whiny voice some drama queens have just to highlight and complain about something that did not hurt - I'd have likely rolled my eyes and got on with the important task of dealing with my daughter.

If my child had knocked you and you had remained calm and waited while I'd got the situation in hand I would then have apologised to you and thanked you for your patience, asked my child to apologise to you and then offer to buy you a drink.

milliemonster

I would have removed my child before it escalated to the point where they were lashing out at complete strangers, however in this case I would have apologised profusely and made my child do the same, then taken them home and they would have had a jam sandwich for tea and then sent to bed!

Treed

You apologise for your childs behaviour, and you ask your child to say sorry. Failure to do so.. No carvery and straight home.

elvis86

OP, what you obviously should have done is;

• Apologise to the child and parent for being in the way
• Considered the fact that the child might be anything from newborn to 18 (despite appearing to be around 8 years old)
• Considered that the child might have Autism/Aspergers/ASD/ADHD/HIV/GBH/TGI Fridays
• Considered that the woman and her child might have just been to a funeral/just been in a car crash/just landed from Mars

God, woman. Have some common courtesy to others!:cool: