So - your 8 year old is having a tantrum... do you?

mishkanorman

Thanks, I look a right dumb !!! now best I got was divorce

POPPYOSCAR

mishkanorman wrote: »

Thanks, I look a right dumb !!! now best I got was divorce

Don't worry. I had to think about it.

Padz_2

mishkanorman wrote: »

absolutely it does, it shows you had quite an exchange.

Im puzzled why you didnt tell the whole story in your opening post, you say the mother was abusive - did she not offer up any apology/excuse ?

No one tells the whole story in their opening post. I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested in any of it to be honest. It isn't until people start asking questions that you realise that they are interested and want to know more.

She offered no apology or excuse at all. Her child started crying while her mother and I were debating firmly. The mother accused me of making her cry. I can't see how I did that.

jamespir

C i would take the child home so it didnt hit anyone

ska_lover

Padz, sounds like the mother was a right charmer - she was probably severly embarrassed by the entire episode..If that was my 8 year old daughter behaving like such a spoiled brat, I would have demanded my daughter apologise, and march her home - given her plain toast for tea, a sound telling off and sent her to bed early. She would have been lucky not to get a smacked bottom.

POPPYOSCAR

:(:( oh dear.................

POPPYOSCAR

ska_lover wrote: »

Padz, sounds like the mother was a right charmer - she was probably severly embarrassed by the entire episode..If that was my 8 year old daughter behaving like such a spoiled brat, I would have demanded my daughter apologise, and march her home - given her plain toast for tea, a sound telling off and sent her to bed early. She would have been lucky not to get a smacked bottom.

I doubt that very much!!

More like she was annoyed because someone had dared to say anything about her little darling.

ska_lover

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I doubt that very much!!

More like she was annoyed because someone had dared to say anything about her little darling.

On what grounds would you 'doubt that', I assume you were there then? Or do you personally know this childs mother??!!!

My point was that maybe her embarrasment made the mother go on the defensive. Wrongly, yes - but that may well be the case.

A lot of petty arguments seem to have sprung up on this thread by assumptions and patronising.

People only patronise because they lack confidence & have low self esteem. Shame really - this thread seems to have brought out the worst in a few people!!

daska

Funny, the specifics of the way the child behaved with the arm flapping etc sounds just like DS2 when he's going into meltdown so I wouldn't be surprised if there were a disability, possibly one that the mum doesn't begin to understand even if she cares (which it doesn't sound like she does). Thankfully the mum doesn't sound anything like me though

With DS2 it's sensory processing (often found in conjunction with autism but also without) that's at fault so, thinking about the surroundings there were probably lots of people (Padz mentions a queue), bright lights, chatter, kitchen/serving noises, music etc. Combine hypersensitivity to those stresses with having to wait and then find out that the 'reward' for putting up with all of it isn't going to be forthcoming and cue overwhelming distress, anger and violent reaction. None of DS2's teachers, or the other early years professionals involved, had encountered a child with proprioceptive problems before so hardly surprising that the OP and others reading this thread may not have either. He is happy, affectionate and very polite so it does lead to enormous confusion when he behaves in a way that people think is inappropriate for his age or the situation.

And no - for the benefit of those parents (and possibly non-parents) who have been lucky enough to avoid having a disabled child and think it can be dealt with by a slap and/or other punishment - it can't, all that does is aggravate the situation. It can be helped by having firm boundaries, clear expectations, coping techniques, good manners and in DS2's case some physical interventions before the meltdown occurs, which isn't always possible.

POPPYOSCAR

daska wrote: »

Funny, the specifics of the way the child behaved with the arm flapping etc sounds just like DS2 when he's going into meltdown so I wouldn't be surprised if there were a disability, possibly one that the mum doesn't begin to understand even if she cares (which it doesn't sound like she does). Thankfully the mum doesn't sound anything like me though

With DS2 it's sensory processing (often found in conjunction with autism but also without) that's at fault so, thinking about the surroundings there were probably lots of people (Padz mentions a queue), bright lights, chatter, kitchen/serving noises, music etc. Combine hypersensitivity to those stresses with having to wait and then find out that the 'reward' for putting up with all of it isn't going to be forthcoming and cue overwhelming distress, anger and violent reaction. None of DS2's teachers, or the other early years professionals involved, had encountered a child with proprioceptive problems before so hardly surprising that the OP and others reading this thread may not have either. He is happy, affectionate and very polite so it does lead to enormous confusion when he behaves in a way that people think is inappropriate for his age or the situation.

And no - for the benefit of those parents (and possibly non-parents) who have been lucky enough to avoid having a disabled child and think it can be dealt with by a slap and/or other punishment - it can't, all that does is aggravate the situation. It can be helped by having firm boundaries, clear expectations, coping techniques, good manners and in DS2's case some physical interventions before the meltdown occurs, which isn't always possible.

I think a lot of us can relate to having to cope with a difficult child, and are sympathetic, we have been there to some degree or another.

I don't think the problem here is the child but more the fact of the mother turning on the OP that is difficult to understand and accept.