Can't bare to have toddler son sleep on his own in his bedroom

conradmum

CFC wrote:

Conradsmum, I really can't be bothered arguing with you.

And yet you continue to do so! Make your mind up!

CFC wrote:

You're just making snap judgements instead of just giving your opinion, as you did before.

This, from the person who states: if you keep him in your room till he's 5, then that is rather strange.
What snap judgements have I made about you, exactly?

You choose to discount the evidence of research when it makes you look silly, saying:

Five cohorts of parents and 60 children between them. Hardly a massive representation.

Yet you cite studies with even smaller samples!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5197440.stm

Professor Gerhard Kloesch and colleagues at the University of Vienna studied eight unmarried, childless couples in their 20s.

And what on earth is this supposed to mean:
And I'd suggest you consider learning more about counselling methods. Asking if people agree with you or not, a la the OP, is asking for people's opinions, it isn't the same as asking for support. There's a big difference. Same as judging someone's psychological state from a few words in a forum - tell you what, it doesn't need advanced psychological knowledge, it's as simple as this: I actually read what people write and respond to that, not what I think they are writing. It's a useful tack in life generally, I find.

What's that got to do with counselling methods? Making judgements about people's mental state isn't counselling. It's doing precisely what you say you aren't doing - responding to what you think they're writing. Your opinion wasn't asked for, and certainly not your unqualified assessment of the OP's real reason for keeping her son in her room. Just because someone happened to post something about their lives that you found unusual, it's suddenly okay to start making rude comments and judgements about her! Whatever happened to 'be nice to Moneysaver's'?

As to whether I'm an attachment parent because I quoted from an attachment parenting site, I don't know - are you a member of the BBC because you quoted from the BBC site?:rolleyes:
That was the first time I'd been on that site, and you seem to have more knowledge of what an attachment parent is than me, so I don't know - please tell me! What relevance does your question have anyway? If I were an attachment parent, would that exclude me from giving an opinion? Is it only people who disagree with what the OP is doing who are allowed to participate in this debate?

As I've said several times, I do whatever I feel is best for my family - I don't subscribe to any philosophy or method - and I certainly would never criticise others for doing the same.

conradmum

nickyhutch wrote:

But people posting questions leads to discussion, doesn't it? Is that not the point? The OP just asked "are you like me, do other families work the same way also?" Are you suggesting everyone simply answered "yes" or "no"?

Posting a question on here is inviting comment, particularly a question like this to which there is no straightforward, right or wrong answer.

I'm not saying people shoudn't comment, but some of the comments the OP has received have been pretty negative. It's not very nice for your parenting behaviour to be called weird and strange. If people want to be rude, then fine, but I also have a right to say ' hey, that's rude!'. What the OP is doing has been shown not to be harmful, why can't we live and let live and let her get on with it? As I said above - be nice to Moneysavers!

Carmina_Piranha_3

glad I'm not the OP - pregnant, probably hormonal and having her parenting skills questioned! happysad i hope you're getting pm's from supportive people!

most research is likely to be about bed sharing rather than being in separate beds but in the same room, so can we please stop arguing?

and OP has not said she has sex in the room while her son is asleep - she mentioned other rooms in the house.

nickyhutch

I've not for a minute said don't let the OP get on with it. But I'll say again, if you come on a message board asking questions, you are inviting comment, and it wont all be positive.

Carmina_Piranha_3

yes i suppose so. i hope the OP isn't too upset by it though. i know that when i'm pregnant i can really take things to heart.

i'm as guilty as anyone else of giving un-asked-for (?) advice and i have 'taken sides' in the discussion. but i was thinking today that some debates don't do much for the OP.

parenting discussions always get heated don't they. shall i start one about my son having a dummy?

nickyhutch

Lol, I say let him have one if he wants one. Never harmed my son. There you go, my two pen'orth :-)

plane_boy2000

My elsest (now 4) lasted 2 nights in our room- He was so noisey in his sleep he was driving us mad! I remember getting up at 2 is and us lifting the cot and carrying it with him in it to his nursery!

No2 lasted about 3 months, and no 3 lasted about 4 months.

For me I like my bedroom to be mine, and it sthe one place in our house where I can have some peace and quiet.

I dont think that there is anything wrong with what you are trying to do, but your reasons are wrong - it sounds like you are passing your insecurities onto your children. who knows - they might enjoy having their own space!

CFC

conradmum wrote:

And yet you continue to do so! Make your mind up!


Yet you cite studies with even smaller samples!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5197440.stm

I think most people would find it just interesting or amusing. It's a good example though of small studies bringing up things which perhaps are not necessarily true.

Professor Gerhard Kloesch and colleagues at the University of Vienna studied eight unmarried, childless couples in their 20s.

So. Conradmum, do you think the study of five parental cohorts and 60 children in Sweden is valid, because it agrees with your opinion, and yet this other tiny piece of research is not, because it does not support your opinion? I do not believe either of these pieces of research are valid because the sample group is far, far too small.

And what on earth is this supposed to mean:
And I'd suggest you consider learning more about counselling methods. Asking if people agree with you or not, a la the OP, is asking for people's opinions, it isn't the same as asking for support. There's a big difference. Same as judging someone's psychological state from a few words in a forum - tell you what, it doesn't need advanced psychological knowledge, it's as simple as this: I actually read what people write and respond to that, not what I think they are writing. It's a useful tack in life generally, I find.

It's doing precisely what you say you aren't doing - responding to what you think they're writing. Your opinion wasn't asked for

Don't think yours was either, was it?

Nope, I definitely remember that there wasn't a post saying 'CFC keep out, Conradmum only please' at the top of this thread.
This is an open forum so opinions are invited. Don't post in a public forums if no opinions are wanted. For some reason you appear to think that only positive agreement should be posted in a public forum. I understand that you don't like my opinion, but I don't care.

As to whether I'm an attachment parent because I quoted from an attachment parenting site, I don't know - are you a member of the BBC because you quoted from the BBC site?:rolleyes:

I don't know - I pay my license fee, so maybe I am! (By the way, that is a joke, just need to spell it out for you as you don't always seem to get the point when I post)

That was the first time I'd been on that site, and you seem to have more knowledge of what an attachment parent is than me, so I don't know - please tell me! What relevance does your question have anyway? If I were an attachment parent, would that exclude me from giving an opinion? Is it only people who disagree with what the OP is doing who are allowed to participate in this debate?

No, I was just curious as you seem to think that unusual is normal. Like I said, I don't care much. And it's interesting as it does show that I've researched the subject (different ways of bringing up children) and you clearly haven't, or you'd know what attachment parenting is. You just said that I know more about it than you, so there you go. Point proved.

Perhaps you should look into it, if you don't know what it is. You might find it interesting, or you might find it weird. Take your pick. As to whether I think that attachment parents should be allowed to post an opinion, why not? This is a public forum!

It shows you don't actually research much though, if you don't know what attachment parenting is. Yet you accused me of lying earlier over actually checking research. You said that you thought I was just saying I'd read it, so accusing me of being dishonest.

I don't fink dat's nice.

And you quoted a very obscure bit of tiny research based on 60 children in Sweden and then accused all of the people that I know, or am related to in Sweden, (and that's a lot) of being strange because we don't conform to that tiny bit of research.

Whatever happened to 'be nice to Moneysaver's'?

And here's you now saying to me, that I'm not being nice to Moneysavers, because I put an opinion up and we didn't agree, so you posted that I was basically a Nasty Rude Liar whose whole family is strange and whose opinion hadn't been asked for,and then you felt morally superior all over.

I don't fink dat's nice either.
......................

Good job I do not care two hoots about your opinion.



As I've said several times, I do whatever I feel is best for my family - I don't subscribe to any philosophy or method - and I certainly would never criticise others for doing the same...

I think it's fine you do what you think best. Everyone's opinion is their own, as I previously stated. People can try to change other people's points of view or opinions, but a person's life is their own and so is their opinion.

There were loads of other points I could make on your comments, but I really can't be bothered to invest the time in your arguments (or rather, lack of depth to them.)

And anyway, this should stop, because the OP has better things to do than reading chit chat between us. She's quite capable of reading a whole lot of opinion in this thread, all of which is kindly meant, no matter how much those opinions differ, and making up her OWN mind.

You stick to giving your opinion, and I'll stick to giving mine, OK?

conradmum

CFC, you accuse me of making snap judgements about people when you have made them yourself.

You refuse to give any credit to research I cite, and when I point out you have cited research yourself that is from a small sample, you try to make out it was supposed to be an example of how research isn't necessarily credible or true, when there is NO mention of this fact in the post where you cited it.

I didn't say your study wasn't valid. I pointed out the inconsistency of not giving my quotes any credit because of the small sample, when you had cited a study that was far smaller.

In the next part of your response to my post, you've quoted me out of context. What I actually said was:
Your opinion wasn't asked for, and certainly not your unqualified assessment of the OP's real reason for keeping her son in her room. Just because someone happened to post something about their lives that you found unusual, it's suddenly okay to start making rude comments and judgements about her! Whatever happened to 'be nice to Moneysaver's'?

And I stand by that point. Opinions are one thing. There's no need to be rude.

I don't know what point you're trying to make about my lack of knowledge of attachment parenting. At one point you tried to discredit my viewpoint on the OP by accusing me of being an attachment parent who breastfed her child to the age of ten, now you're trying to make out that not having a good knowledge of attachment parenting lessens my credibility.

And regarding the earlier research, you said it was statistically insignificant. There were a few studies referred to in that article and I've been back and checked on whether the details of them are available on the internet. I can't find a single one. So please enlighten us as to which ones were statistically insignificant, if you did read them all, as you said.

My statement that your husband's family was strange was in response to your assertion that the OP was strange. As you well know. Or maybe that just went over your head?

As to this:
And here's you now saying to me, that I'm not being nice to Moneysavers, because I put an opinion up and we didn't agree, so you posted that I was basically a Nasty Rude Liar whose whole family is strange and whose opinion hadn't been asked for,and then you felt morally superior all over
:rotfl:

You should be a politician, really, for your ability to go back on what you've said, quote out of context, contradict yourself and confuse the issue.

If you're unprepared to be either fair or rational, what really is the point?

I've shown that what the OP is doing is not harmful to her child.
Enough posters on here have said they do the same for it to be clear that it isn't that unusual or abnormal.
If you're happy with your attitude to people who do things differently to you, then good luck to you.
I can see no point in continuing.
Enjoy your last word.

Lyndsay_21

The way i see it is do whats best for you!!! My 1st born went into her own room at about 3/4 months and my son joined her when he was about the same age (only have 2 bed flat) however they were both good sleepers so did a full night from early on however if they'd have been worse sleepers i would've had them in with me longer.
I sometimes wake up to find one of them in bed with us which i dont mind i'm not one to put them back into bed i dont mind them being in our bed esp as we have a super king size theirs plenty of room.

as my mum always says their not gonna be 15 and still sleeping in your bed so why worry!!!