Nice people thread part 5 - nicely does it

misskool

I won't reply on that thread but she puts someone I know to shame. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and instead of giving up and taking sick leave, she came in to work when she could in between chemotherapy AND radiotherapy and she's on drugs for the rest of her life but she's not going to give up work because she wants to do something.

If that woman put half as much energy into organising her life and sorting out coping strategies, they would be so much better off than trying to fight for benefit money.

ah well.

LydiaJ

There was a teacher at the school where I teach who had cancer. She had a lot of time off for treatment, etc, and then got too ill to work for a while. Then she had several months when she felt well enough to do a little work.

School sorted her out with a cover supervisor role - covering the hall where Y7-9 kids go if they have a silent study period or if their usual teacher is absent and the relevant department hasn't been able to find another teacher to teach the class instead. We don't usually have cover supervisors - cover in the hall is done by a rota of teachers. So her job was to come in and cover when she felt up to it, giving whoever was on the rota a bonus free period. If she didn't feel well enough, or had a medical appointment, then the rota teachers would cover as usual.

I've no idea what they paid her - none of my business - but she was so glad to have the job: a place to belong and feel useful and get out of the house to see workmates without feeling artificial about visiting a former workplace. And she appreciated the way they'd organised the role so that she was useful and appreciated if she turned up, but not letting anybody down if she wasn't able to.

Sadly, she deteriorated and died recently. I miss her. She was such a great person.

lostinrates

When i was first ill i didn't work because i couldn't. When i was working with language again working as a solicitors clerk was amazing. I had to hand write, fast and get about london, often with sticks and a wheely suitcase full of files.

I did this because i had to have an income, i had to have some pride and because ...what else is the choice? The work was flexible, i only had to commit a couple of days before, or even the night before, and i could pace myself, so doing full days when i could and half days other days, there was apool of other people to pick up the slack. It was not lucrative work, but it meant my savings were untouched for living on, and that sometimes i could even put some in at the end of the week. Dh did it too and kept gigging, even though he was on a full time course.

I would love to work in the waitrose locally, but i am not reliable enough to commit. But i worked when MUCH, incomparitively, more ill and sore on a more permanant basis....some days i am no worse than an ordinary person after a heavy night these days.

I am convinced that while grind doesn't lead to success automatically, it builds skills and stamina needed for it, so increases the chances of success in an ordinary person in a 'top' career.

Finally, if i could afford to i would employ pn like a shot. I am convinced she would come up with a business plan that would help pay for the wreck, and sort out all our issues caused by indecisiveness, procrastination, and lack of planning and commitment. She could whisper them to me, or email me, and i would do the communicating. Which is a shame, because she is smart and bright and funny.

zagubov

SingleSue wrote: »

I didn't know that either!

Sorry, I'd discussed it on other threads and thought I had mentioned here before, but I realise that I might have only mentioned it in PMs. When discussing what posters here have in common, I realised that familiarity with ASD was a recurring theme, albeit a minor one.

DS isn't statemented, we drive him to a private school miles away that's great for him but that's at our own expense.

He's a great kid and he's getting better and better at coping with problems.

LydiaJ

lir

Could you perhaps come up with a plan to get PN involved with your wreck? Perhaps you could sort out one of your outbuildings to be a workshop where she could make jewellery, and then you could let her have free use of it in return for a couple of hours a week of putting her business skills towards sorting things out for you.

OK, that wouldn't work because your outbuildings aren't ready and she wants to live near a beach. But there must be something. Could you just pay her for an hour a week of sorting out your business remotely? If it got the wreck to profitability more quickly it would pay for itself, and she could continue rescuing her online empire with the rest of her time. As the wreck became more profitable, you could employ her a bit more, but in the meantime at least she'd have that extra string to the bow of her income stream.

Finding a solution to this requires some out of the box thinking. Can the combined creativity of all the NP come up with anything?

GDB2222

LydiaJ wrote: »

She's astonishing. She claims that her husband's autism makes it so difficult for him to cope with any kind of change that he couldn't possibly handle the disruption of having to attend even a single interview. She ignores all attempts to point out that he has evidently adjusted to the changes involved in getting married and having twins. She also finds it outrageous that anybody could suggest that she should put her twins in childcare and go to work herself, because she wouldn't be able to concentrate on work knowing that her children were with somebody else, and seems unaware that any women before her have had to do this.

I have not read the particular thread you are talking about, but people with autism have their ups and downs. Anxiety can be a particular issue. I know a young man who was able to complete a university course, but was totally unable to find a job. Indeed, he ended up in hospital for over a year because of the anxiety issues. So, based on the little I know about autism, I think it is possible that the woman you are quoting is telling you the truth about her husband, even though it seems implausible from your point of view.

As far as her going out to work is concerned, that is surely a financial issue? For anyone without decent work skills, childcare is going to cost as much as she can earn (or more). Did she say whether her husband could provide childcare?

I know this all seems like a complete insult to you, as you have overcome greater difficulties. However, you are highly skilled and exceptionally well adjusted.

PasturesNew

The workplace can be a very difficult place.... and full of annoying idiots, incomplete instructionss ....

I find I am often asked to do stuff I am not able to do - and not given the resources to do it ... yet still expected to. This puts your head in a spin.

e.g. I was once employed as a project manager - and the first task was to research the marketplace and make a recommendation to the Board and do a full presentation to the Board to advise how to proceed.

Researching the marketplace, in an industry I didn't know at all was difficult enough - but presenting (and making a presentation) to the Board, with my recommendations, in my opinion was bad business practice. I was, effectively, being asked to determine the company's direction and platform for delivery.

Heck - I wanted to project manage, not be the Business & Technology Development Director of an international business in an industry I didn't know and had no experience in!

So - although I managed it, it was very stressful as I didn't have the confidence in my choices and had no basis on which to form my opinions, opinions which were taken as gospel because I'd made a presentation.

There was nobody looking at what I did, advising, conferring.... I researched and presented my findings. And it was done.

I don't like "final responsibility". I like to manage a project that's been chosen from somebody else's decisions.

I deliver on time, on budget.... their decision. I advise of risks and issues. I document projects and communicate.

I don't do decision making!!

GDB2222

LydiaJ wrote: »

OK, that wouldn't work because your outbuildings aren't ready and she wants to live near a beach.

Finding a solution to this requires some out of the box thinking. Can the combined creativity of all the NP come up with anything?

Well, after the Olympic beach volleyball finishes on Horse Guards Parade, there will be 120 really large lorryloads of sand looking for a home. Given the cost of landfill these days, they might be glad if LIR offers to take it. That would be the beach problem solved.

SingleSue

GDB, I know it is hard for those with autism, I have two of the beggers myself but it is the frustration that this woman does not want to help her husband improve at all which made me go grrrr.

I believe that no-one should be given up on, no-one should be written off, we all have (no matter what our disabilities), something to give, even if that is only in a very small and limited way. Even if that is in a non working/non earning setting, we should never give up, improvements can be made and those improvements can make a huge difference to the person and their self esteem.

Believe me, you need to read the thread to get why I am so frustrated and arrggghhhh.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

lir

Could you perhaps come up with a plan to get PN involved with your wreck? Perhaps you could sort out one of your outbuildings to be a workshop where she could make jewellery, and then you could let her have free use of it in return for a couple of hours a week of putting her business skills towards sorting things out for you.

Because of the last year's events.... I am not in a position financially, nor skills-wise, to be able to take my former dream forward in any shape or form in the foreseeable future.

LydiaJ wrote: »

OK, that wouldn't work because ...she wants to live near a beach.

And that

LydiaJ wrote: »

But there must be something. Could you just pay her for an hour a week of sorting out your business remotely? If it got the wreck to profitability more quickly it would pay for itself, and she could continue rescuing her online empire with the rest of her time. As the wreck became more profitable, you could employ her a bit more, but in the meantime at least she'd have that extra string to the bow of her income stream.

Finding a solution to this requires some out of the box thinking. Can the combined creativity of all the NP come up with anything?

You can't save the world in a forum you know