Not sure what to make of it

tinktinktinkerbell

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

Only if you look at this in the most dramatic fashion does this fall in the remit of stealing. It's just not that bad.

no

its stealing, end of

KiKi

I think things are a little black and white in tinktinktinkerbell world.

I guess we'll agree to disagree.

KiKi

Lotus-eater

KiKi wrote: »

I think things are a little black and white in tinktinktinkerbell world.

I guess we'll agree to disagree.

KiKi

A little? She's a bit of a nut job if you ask me.

tinktinktinkerbell

so taking money off someone without asking them is not stealing?

think i can go do this to a stranger in town tomorrow or is it only not stealing when in a relationship with the person *roll eyes*

Lotus-eater

How can you steal off your husband?

Isn't that impossible, all that's yours is his and vice versa.

So he went out and got bladdered without telling you first.........hardly the 1st bloke to have ever done that.

He bought 20 fags instead of 10, not the crime of the century.

He took your savings money without asking. Not good, he should have asked and the same about the fags, but its far far far from a reason to end what the OP has said (I think), is a decent marriage.

Is there more of a story behind this? Has he always been bad with money? How hard up exactly is the OP? All questions that need asking.

If I spend £40 from my OH's bank account, it would hardly be worth talking about. If I spend £400 without talking about it, then I'm sure we would have a good discussion
Different values for different people maybe, we need to find out.

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

Well I wouldn't raid just anyone's wallet, just the one human in the world I had promised to love in sickness and health, for better and worse, make babies with and promised to grow old with.

To be honest, we pool all our money, even the spending - sorry savings jar, and I just can't get my head around this 'stealing' malarkey.

KiKi

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

so taking money off someone without asking them is not stealing?

think i can go do this to a stranger in town tomorrow or is it only not stealing when in a relationship with the person *roll eyes*

I'm not saying his behaviour is good. I'm not saying that some people won't see it as 'stealing', as I accept that not all married couples pool their finances.

What I take umbrage at, tinkerbell, is your immediate reaction of 'dump him'. This is a marriage, not a reality TV show. Two people who have made a commitment to each other. When someone does something like that, there's usually a reason behind it. It doesn't make the behaviour right, but it's still a reason. When you're committed to someone and they screw up, you talk. You try to help. You try to understand what's going on, not chuck them out the house the first time they do something out of character.

It's also very easy - and damaging - to feed someone's insecurity by encouraging them to react immediately when you're not the one who has to deal with the consequences.

This is the first time she's had cause to doubt her OH, and you suggest she ends her marriage on that basis. It's not about the stealing, as you so determinedly want to share your principles on that. It's about someone acting out of character, and what you do to try and resolve the problem together before going to the drastic action of ending a marriage.

*rolls eyes*

KiKi

meritaten

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

Well I wouldn't raid just anyone's wallet, just the one human in the world I had promised to love in sickness and health, for better and worse, make babies with and promised to grow old with.

To be honest, we pool all our money, even the spending - sorry savings jar, and I just can't get my head around this 'stealing' malarkey.

I am with you there - cos I am pretty sure I promised to 'share all my worldly goods'.
however, I am not so out of touch with modern life that I dont realise that many couples have separate 'financial' lives.
OH has 'borrowed' from my purse - and always told me and reimbursed me. Likewise with 'his' wallet!
I dont see it as 'stealing' - rather 'borrowing without permission'! and in an otherwise good relationship - I wouldnt advocate 'ending it'.
rather, I would want to know why the OH did this?
It ISNT nice - he should have asked for a 'loan' to tide him over. but OPs other half may not have been brought up as nicely! OP needs to know .............why OH borrowed without permission..........when then are going to pay it back ...........and why they felt it was ok to get 20 fags when they were told to get 10.

peachyprice

bell12 wrote: »

Yesterday me and husband go to the petrol station, he pays for £5 petrol and says I owe him the money. We make our way to Asda and I offer to buy him a pack of 10 fags and give him my debit card to buy them as I looked around the shop.

He bought a pack of 20 instead and hid them so I wouldn't know.

Why, if you borrowed £5 off him for petrol, were you only willing to reimburse him half of it by paying for 10 cigarettes? That seems like double standards to me.

I wouldn't mind betting he overspent at christmas but knowing how you are with money didn't want the agro of telling you that he didn't have enough to get through to payday so borrowed your money.

Yes, he did wrong, but truthfully, what would you have said to him if he had told you he was skint?

As for the suggestion you end a MARRIAGE of £40, I've heard it all now.

balletshoes

peachyprice wrote: »

Why, if you borrowed £5 off him for petrol, were you only willing to reimburse him half of it by paying for 10 cigarettes? That seems like double standards to me.

I wouldn't mind betting he overspent at christmas but knowing how you are with money didn't want the agro of telling you that he didn't have enough to get through to payday so borrowed your money.

Yes, he did wrong, but truthfully, what would you have said to him if he had told you he was skint?

As for the suggestion you end a MARRIAGE of £40, I've heard it all now.

a pack of 10 cigs are around £4 aren't they, depending on the brand (my OH is trying to stop because they are getting so expensive).