Not sure what to make of it

fletch3163

How long have you known him? To be honest he is being sneaky, especially about the jar money, but maybe that cos he did not want questioned about being skint? Maybe he would have put it back. He's your husband, surely he gets the benefit of the doubt.

My husband is not sneaky, just a miser. We share e the same bank account but he still scrounges my change for parking, or a paper, or takeaway. Is there something deeper causing your mistrust?

Gavin83

You guys would end an otherwise perfect marriage (presumed from the post) based on this? I guess people have different opinions but I'm quite blown away by this.

Do you know what he spent the money on? You definately need to sit down with him, let him know how hurt you are and ask for an explanation. It is unreasonable to borrow something from someone without asking. Just bare in mind if you do break up over this half the contents of the jar is effectively his anyway!

tinktinktinkerbell

Gavin83 wrote: »

You guys would end an otherwise perfect marriage (presumed from the post) based on this? I guess people have different opinions but I'm quite blown away by this.

Do you know what he spent the money on? You definately need to sit down with him, let him know how hurt you are and ask for an explanation. It is unreasonable to borrow something from someone without asking. Just bare in mind if you do break up over this half the contents of the jar is effectively his anyway!

im sorry but theres no excuse for stealing

if my OH was short of money i would happily lend it to him (assuming i had it) but to just go ahead and take it in the hope that i wont notice, nah sorry i wouldnt be standing for that

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

would i end it if my partner was stealing from me?

hell yes!

I know but it seems like the worst way to interpret his behaviour and I wonder if it's fair?

I'm always raiding dh's wallet and neither of us consider it stealing. And if he got 20 fags instead of 10, so what? Maybe it's just me...it seems it is. But the op said that until this week dh was practically perfect, at least trustworthy. I just don't think 20 fags and £40 should break a marriage.

Have you asked him if anything is wrong at the moment?

edit: Apparently, it's not just me and I'm a really slow poster.

KiKi

Dare I suggest you both behave like adults and sit down and have a sensible, considerate, calm conversation about it? To find out what's wrong? He's your husband, not someone who walked in the house and stole from you.

I genuinely don't understand responses that say "dump him" like you're talking about a pair of bad shoes.

Maybe he's not a good person, but I wouldn't end a marriage in one evening based on one thing we hadn't talked about.

However, the fact that you seriously thought he had no bad points up until now suggests you really are seeing relationships as perfect, or through rose-tinted glasses. No-one has no bad points.

He's your *husband*, !!!!!!. Talk to him.

KiKi

tinktinktinkerbell

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

I know but it seems like the worst way to interpret his behaviour and I wonder if it's fair?

I'm always raiding dh's wallet and neither of us consider it stealing. And if he got 20 fags instead of 10, so what? Maybe it's just me...it seems it is. But the op said that until this week dh was practically perfect, at least trustworthy. I just don't think 20 fags and £40 should break a marriage.

Have you asked him if anything is wrong at the moment?

sorry but taking money from me without my permission is stealing

there is no excuse for stealing

KiKi

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

there is no excuse for stealing

But there may be a reason.

And to suggest that someone end a marriage because of something that might be able to be easily resolved is crazy.

People make mistakes, and in a relationship you have to work at that, not drop someone the moment they screw up or need help, in what was otherwise a good relationship.

KiKi

meritaten

I find this a tricky issue - on the one hand surely their money is 'joint' money (tho from lots of posts many couples keep their own finances separate) - but OPs 'savings jar' should be sacrosant? tho I have borrowed the occasional tenner from OHs wallet and always told him and given it back!
Hun - is he having cash flow probs right now? sounds to me like you are on a limited income.
I would sit him down and ask him, without sounding accusing, why he needed to do this? Did he overspend at Christmas and is now penniless and ashamed to tell you?
But, I would make sure he understands that 'borrowing' out of your savings jar is NOT acceptable unless you ok it! neither is buying 20 fags not 10! that is decietful and I would tell him that it erodes your trust in him!
Perhaps you need to sit and work out how much money is available to you both until 'payday' and how you are going to spend it?

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

sorry but taking money from me without my permission is stealing

there is no excuse for stealing

Only if you look at this in the most dramatic fashion does this fall in the remit of stealing. It's just not that bad.

tinktinktinkerbell

KiKi wrote: »

But there may be a reason.

And to suggest that someone end a marriage because of something that might be able to be easily resolved is crazy.

People make mistakes, and in a relationship you have to work at that, not drop someone the moment they screw up or need help, in what was otherwise a good relationship.

KiKi

im sorry but stealing is not a mistake and there is never ever a good enough reason to do it