feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

pyjamadays

hi,
new user for hide my identity from family reading this.
ill try to keep it simple.. 2 & half yrs ago i split with my husband after 14 years, me and my 2 children aged 14 & 10 now live in a seperate house. 2 yrs ago i meant my current partner- to get all slushy, he is amazing and makes me very happy. the only problem is he lives nearly 300 miles away in the town im originally from. the last 2 years we have been visiting each other every month but decided this would be the year to move in with each other. we decided i would move because as i said it's where im from originally so have a lot of family there.
all was fine, my kids knew about it and were happy to go.....but now my daughter has a boyfriend and is refusing to move :-( i understand that it would be hard for her in the beginning to meet new friends and stuff, but in this hi tech world now of texting & facebook she can easily keep in touch and visit. she has asked her dad if she can live with him if i moved, but i can't move without her...if she wants to stay with her dad then so will my son! i hate my job, i hate where i live, everything that has been getting me through each day was knowing that i would be moving soon and be much happier, but now i feel like its all been snatched away i know that sounds incredibly selfish because she is my child and i should do what makes them happy. but in a couple of years time she'll be off at college ect and living her own life.
im really feeling at the moment that if i can't move then there's no point in carrying on the relationship with my partner, its expensive to visit each other and neither of us or on a great wage. he can't move here because he has joint custody of his 2 yr old and the mam wont let him move here with him.
what should i do???:(

Seanymph

If it's 'only a couple of years until she's at college' then waiting for her to leave won't be that difficult.

Rikki

Do you think your daughters relationship is likely to last? I wouldn't be letting a fourteen year old dictate my future happiness.

pyjamadays

i don't really think her relationship will last it's her first boyfriend and young love ect. but im not sure how to go around it, i can't make her come with me but i don't want move and leave her here with her dad either, id feel like i'd abandonded her!! ther.es no reason she can't stay with her dad but it feels wrong, if sure most mothers would agree

Lotus-eater

I would talk to your daughter properly and explain it as you have explained it here.

In the end she's 14 and you are the adult.

McKneff

Would dad agree to having them both though, have you asked him.

pyjamadays

if i do wait the couple of years until she's got her own life then my son will be at the age where his freinds are his main thing and he's finding girls, then i need to wait for him to be at college too, so really well, i don't know...

pyjamadays

their dad would agree to having them both, but there's no way i could ever do that.

19lottie82

Sorry OP, I have to agree with the others. She's a child and you're the adult.

pyjamadays

in what way do you mean tho? do u mean she is the child so i should put everything on hold for longer, or not to let her dictate my future ect?

19lottie82

Dont let her dictate to you, you're her Mother, it's not the other way around!

As a compromise maybe tell her to give the move six months and if she's not happy then poss review the situation re her moving back to dad?