A typical 3yr old....

Sambucus_Nigra

AimeesMum wrote: »

It's not about a viewpoint really. My partner has mental health problems so we now have the involvement of a social worker who has made observations in those three situations - daughter being taken away to play when we were at a meeting, me crying and me and her father arguing and said that she doesn't respond like a typical three year old. I'm interested in peoples views on what a 'typical' three year old acts like x

Taken away by whom? What happened when she was 'taken away'? Why had you taken her to a meeting?

Parents really shouldn't cry or argue in front of young kids; it really can have long reaching effects; but kids can respond in all sorts of ways so I can appreciate you calling people's posts 'pointless' but in all honesty, it this not a pointless thread? Without knowing the particular context in which you are asking or what you are trying to achieve...

January20

I don't think it's helpful to the OP to say that a 3 year old should not be exposed to 2 and 3. It's obviously happened so all tales of "oh I would never put my child through that" are unhelpful and judgemental. No point having multiple posts saying the same thing really. It's not always easy to be the perfect parent (oh how I envy some of you guys [insert sarcastic smiley]) especially if one of the parents has mental health issues (am I the only one who has read this bit?). It's not always possible to get a sitter to avoid 1. either.

OP, what I would be concerned about is that a so-called professional is labelling your child as not acting like a typical 3 year old as, like many other posters has said, there is no such thing as a typical 3 yo, or 5yo, etc otherwise we would all be the same adults wouldn't we. What do you think of your 3 yo? What has been her behaviour in the 3 examples you gave? Do you think her behaviour was "normal"?

victory

AimeesMum wrote: »

But then surely the social worker shouldn't hae boxed my daughter into behaving untypically :S

She said that she was very talkative and open when chatting to people and this wasn't 'normal'. I just think it's an unfair statement to make

Why would she say that she was very talkative and open and this was not 'normal' Normal according to her guide books, to her written down list of what a 3 year old should be like, normal there is some areas where a 3 year old could be expected to behave in such and such a way sure by all the polls/thesis/etc they do yes but why is it not normal for a 3 year old to be chatty?

morganedge

Social worker probably doesn't know his/her !!!! from their elbow. Don't worry about what they say. Just trying to make themselves look like they know what they're talking about.

AimeesMum_2

We had to take her to the meeting as that's part of what the meeting is about. The social work must see the kids once a week and be taken to the social work centre as part of their monitoring while my partner is getting help (he recently tried to commit suicide).

He has actually left the family home and is staying in a B&B while he gets help so that there is less impact on the children and so he can focus and attend all his appointments etc and I needed a break from trying to hold down a full time job as well as run a house with someone with all the problems that he has and look after a 1yr old and a 3yr old.

The lady never actually came into the room. The social worker started asking some questions about how I was feeling and I started crying, my daughter just continued playing with the toys that we brought to keep her entertained (social worker says this shows that she is used to seeing my cry - which isn't true). She has met the social worker twice now for quite long periods of time (about 2 hours both times) and the social worker asked if she wanted to go and play with her friend in a room that had lots of toys in it. She went happily (again apparantly this isn't normal behaviour).

JC9297

Regarding question 2, at the age of 3 my autistic son would not have reacted at all to me crying but my other son would have been upset by it.
If we had been arguing my autistic son would not have been bothered unless it became loud and then the shouting would have upset him, my other son would have been very upset by us fighting. My OH had to stop tickling me because when I screamed/laughed my youngest got upset because he thought I was distressed.

Alikay

How your daughter behaved could be indicative of a child who is used to living with heightened emotions, and going off with a stranger without concern, can indicate some attachment disorder, but there would be lots of other things to consider too.

Telling you this after spending such a short time observing you as a family looks as though she's fresh off a training course, though. How children behave in familiar surroundings is much more reliable and I'd expect her to spend much more time with you all before reaching those conclusions.

foreign_correspondent

Obviously, I have little idea of the circumstances, or the social worker's concerns, but could it be that the child has seen quite a few arguments and disagreements, so these are normal occurances in her experience? It could be that as a result, she doesnt react so much as another child may, who had never been exposed to such incidents?

For example, some parents shout at their kids very rarely - and so the child may be very shocked by a raised voice - other parents shout at their kids all day, every day, and the kids often pay very little attention, because it is the norm... (This does not mean it is healthy, or not affecting the child negatively, just that we all establish what is normal from our own experiences, and react accordingly)

Alternatively, it may be that your child is very confident, knows that rows always blow over quickly, and that they are not a threat...

... ot there could be other, different, hypotheses...

Rather than asking us whether this is normal - which really means second guessing what the social worker observed, what s/he meant, and whether it was appropriate, it may be worth asking the social worker what s/he meant, and what the underlying concerns are?

I think it would be remarkable if the current difficulties you are experiencing did not have some impact upon your child, and it is the social worker's responsibility to be aware of this... engaging in some real, honest dialogue about this with the Social Worker would be useful. The early years are critical to a child's development, and it is important to be aware of the impact family strains can have on a small child - it is not about labelling, or criticising, just about being aware of the impact of the current situation, and thinking about ways you can moderate this.

Bear in mind that the social worker will see lots of children in similar circumstances and will have a good idea of what range of behaviours is typical...

Good luck, it must be a very trying time for you

Xaniwoop

AimeesMum wrote: »

The social worker started asking some questions about how I was feeling and I started crying, my daughter just continued playing with the toys that we brought to keep her entertained (social worker says this shows that she is used to seeing my cry - which isn't true). She has met the social worker twice now for quite long periods of time (about 2 hours both times) and the social worker asked if she wanted to go and play with her friend in a room that had lots of toys in it. She went happily (again apparantly this isn't normal behaviour).

Well this would be totally normal behaviour for my daughter at 3, she was more outgoing than her peers but now she's at school she's considered normal but very bright. She doesn't lack an understanding of people's emotions either but she is used to seeing me cry cos I'm a total weeper, one sad advert and I'm off!

dizziblonde

I work a lot with 3-4-5 year olds. Question 1 - would vary wildly... some would be clingy, some would b*gger off without a second thought to see what new shiny things were on offer, some would be so nosey they didn't want to leave their parents alone!

Similar sort of thing with the crying (at least if you take the example of a peer of theirs falling over or something - less emotive) - some are real steamrollers of kindness when they see another child crying, some would leave them splatted on the floor in tears and shimmy up the nearest climbing frame!

I'd expect parents arguing to shake them up and unsettle them - whether they show this directly to you, or whether it comes out in them being wobbly at nursery or whatever is another matter.