A typical 3yr old....

milliebear00001

AimeesMum wrote: »

Hi all,

Hoping some of you might be able to answer my questions about 3/4yr old children

1) If you and your OH were at a meeting, and your child was asked if she wanted to go and play with someone who she has never met before - would she be timid? reserved? or just go off with the stranger as she was getting to play with toys and games.

2) If you have ever cried in front of your child, how did she react? for example did she look upset, try to console you, just ignore it.

3) If you and your partner have ever argued in front of your 3/4yr old. Quite a decent arguement with shouting. for example Was he/she scared, tell you to stop, or just ignore it and continue playing.

Hoping you can respond to any of the questions, even if they all aren't applicable xx

As stated by lots of others, there's really no such thing as a 'typical' three year old. I will tell you what my experiences have been:

1. My daughter would have gone off like a shot with a stranger to play, my son would have pulled his fingernails out before leaving my side.

2. I have not (and wouldn't0 cry in front of a three year old. I do remember my mum crying in front of me (I was about 5) and I was extremely upset and cried myself.

3. I didn't argue with anyone in front of my three year olds - in fact I made concerted effort not to! My parents argued all the time and so I eventually became immune to it. When my parents shouted in front of my daughter (not at her, but around her) on the odd occasion, she was very distressed (and they, shocked by her reaction, immediately stopped!)

bigmomma051204

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Taken away by whom? What happened when she was 'taken away'? Why had you taken her to a meeting?

Parents really shouldn't cry or argue in front of young kids; it really can have long reaching effects; but kids can respond in all sorts of ways so I can appreciate you calling people's posts 'pointless' but in all honesty, it this not a pointless thread? Without knowing the particular context in which you are asking or what you are trying to achieve...

Can i just say what an utterly ridiculous statement this is? I agree that of COURSE in an ideal world children shouldnt be exposed to copious amounts of angry arguments and extremely depressed parents who cry ALL the time BUT a) children NEED to witness adults crying - it shows that people have different emotions and need to cry to express their emotions. Otherwise you have children growing up believing that to cry is a sign of weakness and should be avoided at all costs. Leading to adults who cannot express their emotions in a healthy way - yes, crying is actually HEALTHY! And b) children also need to see that people DO argue sometimes but are able to resolve their disagreements after a period of time. Otherwise you have adults who grow up believing that nobody argues and everyone agrees all the time.... an extremely unrealistic viewpoint and one which will only lead to disappointment!

I struggle to believe that a child who witnesses their parent crying will be left with with "long-reaching effects"...... can you expand on this or were you generalising and really just talking about people who, as i meantioned earlier, are severly depressed and/or who argue constantly and/or violently in front of their children over a prolongued period of time?

dizziblonde

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I think the SW should wind her neck in and shut up.

Junior, when he was that age was used to going to nursery every day so much so that when he had a 'taster' day when he first started school he waved us off without even looking backwards and cried when we (literally) dragged him from there .......no doubt that SW would assume we beat him up and he was glad to see the back of us.

Friend's little girl turned around on the first day of school and told her mum to go home and make a cup of tea for herself!

Sambucus_Nigra

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I struggle to believe that a child who witnesses their parent crying will be left with with "long-reaching effects"...... can you expand on this or were you generalising and really just talking about people who, as i meantioned earlier, are severly depressed and/or who argue constantly and/or violently in front of their children over a prolongued period of time?

Depends on how much they are crying and in what context really; isn't that the whole point of the thread?

skintchick

AimeesMum wrote: »

Hi all,

Hoping some of you might be able to answer my questions about 3/4yr old children

1) If you and your OH were at a meeting, and your child was asked if she wanted to go and play with someone who she has never met before - would she be timid? reserved? or just go off with the stranger as she was getting to play with toys and games.

My DD is 2 and a half, but advanced and bright. She would not want to go without me or OH going. If it were a place that she knew well she might be OK but I think she'd prefer us to settler her in and then sneak off, I don;t think she'd just go off.

2) If you have ever cried in front of your child, how did she react? for example did she look upset, try to console you, just ignore it.

She hates it! She comes over and wipes my tears and tells me not to cry and not to be sad. She will say things like 'I cuddle you Mummy and make you better'.

3) If you and your partner have ever argued in front of your 3/4yr old. Quite a decent arguement with shouting. for example Was he/she scared, tell you to stop, or just ignore it and continue playing.

We have never done this so I don;t know, but I'd imagine she would watch us in awed silence, or try and stop us. It would definitely upset her.

I have posted this without reading the thread, I'll go and read it now.

brians_daughter

AimeesMum wrote: »

Hi all,

Hoping some of you might be able to answer my questions about 3/4yr old children

1) If you and your OH were at a meeting, and your child was asked if she wanted to go and play with someone who she has never met before - would she be timid? reserved? or just go off with the stranger as she was getting to play with toys and games.

2) If you have ever cried in front of your child, how did she react? for example did she look upset, try to console you, just ignore it.

3) If you and your partner have ever argued in front of your 3/4yr old. Quite a decent arguement with shouting. for example Was he/she scared, tell you to stop, or just ignore it and continue playing.

Hoping you can respond to any of the questions, even if they all aren't applicable xx

TBH it depends what day of the week it is with my 3yo!!

Some days he will happily play with children.people he doesnt know, other times he wont. Crying again sometimes he will hug me other times he will carry on as normal, Never argued infront of him so cant comment on that one

ali-t

AimeesMum wrote: »

But then surely the social worker shouldn't hae boxed my daughter into behaving untypically :S

She said that she was very talkative and open when chatting to people and this wasn't 'normal'. I just think it's an unfair statement to make

The SW's assessment would probably be based on an attachment model and s/he would have already identified whether your child has secure or insecure attachment etc This is a really simple model of it http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm

With regards to the crying and responses to arguments the assessment would look at whether the responses were in line with this being an unusual situation at home or perhaps less of a response would indicate that this is normal for the child so their response is less extreme.

The only way to find out is to ask the social worker what they meant. What do they consider to be 'normal' reactions? What model are they using to make the assessment etc.

grey_lady

I think that your in a very serious situation - SS wouldnt be having weekly meetings unless they were concerned about your child...

AnnaLicious_2

I don't know you or your child, so please don't take this as my trying to show any insight into your situation.

Years ago when I worked in a children's centre you could easilly tell apart the 'confident and chatty' 3 year olds from the 'someone pay me attention' 3 year olds. One boy always stays with me, he was so adorable. His Mom had quite bad attachment disorder. He was in nursery from 8 am till 6 pm, even though she worked shorter part-time hours. He would do anything to get female staff's attention. One of the social workers became concerned when he walked up to her and hugged her the first time she ever met him.

Another young girl almost had me in tears some days. her Mom would drop her off and the child was hysterical crying because she didn't believe anyone was coming back for her. She would run up to anyone that looked in her direction and cling to them for dear life. A constant string of people collected her, and she would go happily with them as she had no constant caregiver.

When the social worker indicates 'too friendly' these are the sort of things she's referring to. I'm not saying this is what is happening with you at home, but you could see the difference between precocious children and children that were craving a strong emotional attachment and time with one person.

michelle2008

So sorry you are having such a rough time - it sounds like your little girl is very resilient and no one should be adding to your stress by making rash judgments.

I can only answer one - I have criedin front of my three year old niece - who completely ignored me! Not exactly the same I know, but hope it is some help.