A typical 3yr old....

Lotus-eater

carefullycautious wrote: »

I would rather have a confident child that a whiny clingy shy child who you cant move away from.

Plus if you were weeping silently she may have been unaware you were even crying.

I think her choice of words is debatable too. Psychobabble most of it

Agreed.

Mine would have acted differently on different days as well, depends how they were feeling.
I can never predict how they are going to act.

Sambucus_Nigra

mumto2loves wrote: »

i disagree with this statement, i think children need to see that their parents are human beings with feelings. If they were to grow up not knowing that its ok to be sad sometimes or cross or upset they could have even more long reaching effects. They need to be taught that all types of emotion is ok, and they need to learn how to express it in the proper ways.

Is this the 'proper' way then? Interesting...

AimeesMum_2

I did ask the Social Worker to expand on what she was saying and she said that :

1) She thinks that as my daughter was so ok with going away with the stranger that it shows that she is used to being uprooted and doesn't settle anywhere. We have had a number of house moves in recent years (mainly due to the fact the we are rent privately)

2) That as she doesn't react to me crying or me and my OH arguing that it must be a daily scenario that she is used to. This isn't the case. My and my partner do argue but not often and very rarely in front of them.

3) That being open and outgoing isn't normal and children of her age shouldn't be constantly seeking praise and being very 'look at me'. It's been an ongoing joke within my family that she'll be famous when she is older as she is always trying to be the centre of attention but I didn't think that was because of any psychological damage by her father being mentally ill.

It has really hurt me as I thought as a family we shielded the kids pretty well from the ongoing problems that her father has. The social worker has no kids of her own so maybe if she did she would realise that they are all different

Thank you for all your replies. We are taking any support that we are offered and I am trying hard to look to the future having basically become a single mum to two kids overnight while still having to financial and mentally support their Dad. The social workers have actually so far only made things worse for me

Emmarillo

I have two daughters and they are complete opposites in both appearance and personality. I refuse to believe there is a typical 3 year old.

To answer your questions

1) My eldest daughter would have clung to me, and been very reserved. The younger would happily go with anyone. To her every new experience is another opportunity to make friends.

2) I have cried in front of both my daughters. Even a book or film can set me off so it's probably not that rare. Eldest doesn't notice, youngest will always console.

3) Although my husband and I do argue (or at least I do), I probably wouldn't class them as decent arguments so I can't really say.

I feel a bit of a bad mother admitting the tears and arguments but I would say we are a very close family and the children are far more likely to see us laughing, chatting or teasing each other. Any arguments flare up quickly but die down immediately too.

I'm not sure I agree that children shouldn't be exposed to number three. Children are very perceptive and don't need to hear shouting to know something's wrong. I think there is nothing worse than a bad atmosphere or hearing whispered sniping.

mountainofdebt

I think the SW should wind her neck in and shut up.

Junior, when he was that age was used to going to nursery every day so much so that when he had a 'taster' day when he first started school he waved us off without even looking backwards and cried when we (literally) dragged him from there .......no doubt that SW would assume we beat him up and he was glad to see the back of us.

AimeesMum_2

My daughter is at nursery full time and has been pretty much since she has been 8 months old with little spells of being looked after at home. She is perfectly used to being with a range of different people and we live in a very tight nit area where people own a lot of dogs and we stop and talk to a lot of people. I can only think of positive experiences that have led to her behaving this way.

onlyroz

dizziblonde wrote: »

I work a lot with 3-4-5 year olds. Question 1 - would vary wildly... some would be clingy, some would b*gger off without a second thought to see what new shiny things were on offer, some would be so nosey they didn't want to leave their parents alone!.

I agree with this. My daughter is 3 and she normally takes around 30 mins to settle into a new situation, in which time she is very shy and quiet. But after that she's off and having fun, barely giving me a second glance.

But it does depend on the circumstances - e.g. if she's the only child in a group of adults she goes more shy, but if we're in a place full of kids (e.g. a soft-play centre) then she'd run off in about a second.

msb5262

Hi OP,

You are in a very tough situation - I hope things will improve for you.

It sounds as if things have been difficult for a while for the whole family. You obviously want the best for your DD, and it might help you to look at this differently...

I think the SW is also trying to work in your DD's interests when she has expressed these concerns about her behaviour. The SW is not necessarily being critical either of you or of your DD when she suggests that some of her behaviour is a potential sign of distress.

It's incredibly difficult to acknowledge that the family situation, which is totally not your fault, may have had an impact on your child(ren) but it is likely that given the complexity of what's happening, your DD has been affected in some ways. (I've been there, done that, given the Tshirt to Oxfam etc...).
If you can try to hear what the SW is saying without hearing it as critical of your parenting, it could be really helpful. Please bear in mind that you have been under enormous strain and are no doubt feeling extremely anxious - it's very likely that the SW is trying to find ways to help, which will include seeing how your family has been affected by what's happened. This isn't a criticism of you, just an attempt to identify what's going on and hopefully to go on to offer you and your family appropriate support.


Best wishes

MsB

loztredders

AimeesMum wrote: »

But then surely the social worker shouldn't hae boxed my daughter into behaving untypically :S

She said that she was very talkative and open when chatting to people and this wasn't 'normal'. I just think it's an unfair statement to make

I agree with you, VERY unfair statement, I don't actually have children myself but have babysat lots of littlies and even when just meeting them one or two are incredibly chatty and open, not all three year olds are quiet and shy.
I also don't see how this can be seen as a bad thing though, surely it's good to have a confident and self assured child...?

carefullycautious

AimeesMum wrote: »

My daughter is at nursery full time and has been pretty much since she has been 8 months old with little spells of being looked after at home. She is perfectly used to being with a range of different people and we live in a very tight nit area where people own a lot of dogs and we stop and talk to a lot of people. I can only think of positive experiences that have led to her behaving this way.

And that is why she is so sociable. She has probably also encountered lots of crying and is used to that too.

I get so angry that just because your husband has a mental illness they are making assumptions about your daughter. Yes they have to make sure you are all ok because of the impact mental illness has on the family but to say she is not normal is despicable. I would be complaining about this.