A typical 3yr old....

jenhug

AimeesMum wrote: »

But then surely the social worker shouldn't hae boxed my daughter into behaving untypically :S

She said that she was very talkative and open when chatting to people and this wasn't 'normal'. I just think it's an unfair statement to make

I was told by a teacher that my daughter couldn't possibly have Asperger syndrome as it was well known people with Aspergers don't like contact at all.

My experience of this is my daughter is far too touchy feely to be considered in the "normal" range, where as my other daughter who is "neuro typical" wouldn't dream of being as tactile as her sister.

No two children are the same, it would be impossible to say what is normal or correct for that age. Another educational professional said my daughter didn't see herself as a part of our family as when asked to "draw a picture of your family" her reply was "do I include myself" Where my daughter had taken her literally, her family was her mum, dad and sister, she doesn't class herself as her own relation, if you get what I mean?

So to answer, eldest very social, no concept of being shy or wary of strangers, would definitely instigate new friendships.
youngest, wary of strangers and would not approach an un known child to play.

Eldest probably wouldn't care if i was crying, although it depends on what its about, (obviously she is older than 3)
my youngest would hug me if i cried.

eldest hates loud noises so would be stressed and cover her ears and ask us to stop.
youngest would probably turn the telly up and moan she is missing her programme.

PurpleJay

splishsplash wrote: »

1) I would have arranged a babysitter.

2) and 3) I don't believe small children should be exposed to or have to deal with adult issues, so I would never cry or argue in front of a small child.

This assumes you have a babysitter available. Not everyone is so fortunate.

Agutka

1. Depends on his mood, normally off like a shot, sometimes after a while
2. I'll get a pat on the back or he'll ignore me
3. He tells us to stop arguing, quite funny (stop shouting you two!)

Why would you hide tears or arguments from your kid? It's part of family life (although to be fair it's never anything serious round here, so that probably helps).

AimeesMum_2

Thank you for all your responses.

The social worker have to see us every week until an assessment on my partner can be done. As it has been over the Christmas and NY period this was only done on the 5th. I have another meeting with the social worker next week and will ask her to elaborate more. I think really, what I need to figure out is what her idea of a typical three year old 'should' have done in those situations.

She seems to be a very textbook led social worker and we haven't seemed to get along from the very first meeting when I was discussing my finances now that my partner has moved out as I am now down £500 per month and she immediately said "well that's £500 even then because you won't be paying for him to drink every night" which was a completely idiotic assumption based on him having been drunk when he tried to commit suicide.

I will wait until all this blows over before making a complaint about a few comments/assumptions that she has made.

shirlgirl2004

My children would be concened if they saw me cry and they have seen me cry. I don't agree children that children shouldn't see adults cry. There's a big difference between crying at x factor and being emotionally upset even a young child can tell the difference.

My children wouldn't go off with strangers but they will talk to other children and adults.

I wouldn't have a heated argument in front of them though so I can't comment on that.

peachyprice

AimeesMum wrote: »

we haven't seemed to get along from the very first meeting when I was discussing my finances now that my partner has moved out as I am now down £500 per month and she immediately said "well that's £500 even then because you won't be paying for him to drink every night" which was a completely idiotic assumption based on him having been drunk when he tried to commit suicide.

OMG, what an insensitive cow.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

AimeesMum wrote: »

Hi all,

Hoping some of you might be able to answer my questions about 3/4yr old children

1) If you and your OH were at a meeting, and your child was asked if she wanted to go and play with someone who she has never met before - would she be timid? reserved? or just go off with the stranger as she was getting to play with toys and games.

2) If you have ever cried in front of your child, how did she react? for example did she look upset, try to console you, just ignore it.

3) If you and your partner have ever argued in front of your 3/4yr old. Quite a decent arguement with shouting. for example Was he/she scared, tell you to stop, or just ignore it and continue playing.

Hoping you can respond to any of the questions, even if they all aren't applicable xx

1. sometimes yes, they would go, sometimes they would refuse point blank.

2. Sometimes react, sometimes ignore it.

3. Generally just try and make herself scarce in her room with her sister and the dog. But the relationship was breaking down at that point and we were all used to being shouted at.



The youngest was easily the most confident out of the two. She would quite happily go off for playgroup or nursery without a backwards glance. But she hated the idea of talking to people at other times, and detested having schoolfriends saying hello to her outside school. But would quite happily talk to random shop staff and buy her own things, handing over money and collecting change and saying thank you, etc. Oh, and she would make a point of ignoring irritating professionals that she took an instant dislike to - the health visitor talking about her as though she wasn't there, for example, so she refused to answer when asked to say what was on the cards or stack things up for eye tests and the like.

She really doesn't like touchy feely stuff at all. But will happily cuddle up when it's on her terms and the cats adore her, as does her father's dog.


Out of the two of mine, she is the most similar to my brother in terms of his ASD, as she hates certain textures and sounds and doesn't do tact - but doesn't do mean, either - and she likes being in control/being listened to, so much so, she is often given the task the choreographer of senior school dance routines, the referee in PE games and suchlike - but she isn't bossy for the sake of it. She is technically the centre of attention, always has been, compared to her shrinking violet big sister.

Big sister envies her confidence, but I think had I been faced with someone saying she wasn't normal at 3, I wouldn't have been happy. Especially if they thought her big sister, who won't say boo to a goose, was more 'normal' than her.




But if your OH has a drink problem - or has admitted to one to them and not to you - then I think you should take the SW much more seriously, as you may sound like you think this is normal and are actually creating a dysfunctional situation and enabling him further.

big5

My step-neice is 3 and if you asked if she'd like to play with toys in another room with anybody, she'd be off like a shot (probably dragging the other person by the hand and telling them to hurry up). I don't know how she'd react to someone crying (especially if distracted by toys), and if people were arguing she'd probably tell them to be quiet (she's a real bossy-boots).