Partners attitude to money

MandM90

[quote=[Deleted User];49788551]Impossible. Our outgoings are currently about £3000 a month. She brings home less than £900. So if we split she'd be on £-600.

Luckily my current income is appox £5000 per month. (Remember its temporary !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)[/QUOTE]

But surely just because your household outgoings are £3000, doesn't mean she has to spend half of that. If you split your finances, you could allocate some small bills to come out of her account and the majority to be paid from yours. Or set a certain amount to come from both your pays towards a household account. I know you are a married couple, but it doesn't entitle her to spend your temporary high wages (which, with £2.9k spare each month means you could pay of the remaining 10 pretty speedily) on rubbish. You need a talk about what you want and where you want to be. I'm guessing most people's life goals - for instance to be mortgage free or buy a house in X country and retire etc - require long term planning and saving. A kitchen is nice but when you are in 10k of debt, just plain crazy...don't be afraid to tell her so!

MandM90

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'd be salting away a substantial amount elsewhere out of reach

This. Get paid into another account and transfer enough for the household into the joint, or transfer the bulk out of the joint and into savings each month.

make_me_wise

[quote=[Deleted User];discussion/3703457]And she takes ZERO interest at all in our money situation!

Someone please tell me I've not got the worst money-wise partner in the world!!!![/QUOTE]

Hmmm sorry to say it as I see it and talk a bit blunt, but going by the above your not with the savviest person when it comes to finances.

What would it take for her to get her head out of the sand and face up to your financial situation? Credit card debt is like a ball and chain. Crippling interest etc. Puts alot of restrictions on your life. To be honest it would drive me mad to be with someone who had no oooomph to want to improve their situation.

Its going to take some straight talking. You seem to be in a position currently where with a bit of working at this you could clear your debt and get back on track. Give her an incentive if that is what it will really take. Tell her that once the debt is cleared you can save for a holiday, something I am guessing you cant consider right now.

victory

[quote=[Deleted User];49788551]
Luckily my current income is appox £5000 per month. (Remember its temporary !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)[/QUOTE]


5k a month wow that is so fantastic, I wish:D with that kind of money coming in you can very quickly pay off your debts, tell you wife that each month x amount of money is going towards the debts and y amount for the bills, the rest is to live off and that means food, clothes etc, it is not going to change until we have zero debts, the money coming in is not for pleasure or your wife's leisure it is for debts, leave the exact amount in the account and take the rest to be debt free.

If that still does not work, she gets an allowance, once gone no more until the following month, you need to get those debts paid off

BitterAndTwisted

It's a lie that she takes ZERO interest at all in your money situation. She has a very keen interest in it as far as being able to spend it is concerned. Not just on a nice new pair of trousers or something now and then but a MASSIVE amount on a new bloody kitchen. With money you don't have right now. And may never have if you don't get this sorted. She'll make a beggar of both of you if you don't stand firm and get her onside.

Think about how much disposable income you may have to save, spend or set fire to fivers in the street if your earnings continue and you're finally out of debt. I cannot understand why she can't see this. It's making me quite cross.

BitterAndTwisted

victory wrote: »

tell you wife that each month x amount of money is going towards the debts and y amount for the bills, the rest is to live off and that means food, clothes etc, it is not going to change until we have zero debts, the money coming in is not for pleasure or your wife's leisure it is for debts, leave the exact amount in the account and take the rest to be debt free.

I fully understand where you're coming from Victory but Paul could be out of work at the end of this month or maybe next. With that nasty debt still not paid off and not enough income to make any payments against it at all on his wife's wage alone.

Wost-case scenario must be prepared for. Money stashed away so at least if joblessness rears its head the minimum payments can be made until another income can be secured.

His wife see that £5k a month as secure and spendable but they're really only teetering on the very brink of total disaster.

DVardysShadow

[quote=[Deleted User];49788423]

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Maybe you should unbundle your finances and then adopt a similar disinterest in her spending - leave your OH's debt to her. Or wave a magic wand and get her to grow up.

After 20 years together it'd be impossible. Also, as we've got a child she does work part-time to do most of the childcare.[/QUOTE]
You are prevaricating on this!

Get your own account in your own name. Get your pay put into that account. Pay debt down from that account, pass over what is left to the joint account.

BitterAndTwisted

Even better, get your own account in your name only. Get your pay put into that account. Pay all bills and debt down from that account and stash some savings away somewhere else. Pass over what you think is fair into the joint-account. At the moment I would say that that amount should be ZERO. Her whole wage is presumably going into the joint-account, so I'd be transferring money out of it, not putting anything in.

londonsurrey

She sounds really ditzy and/or unsatisfied. Is it a recent thing, or has she been like this for the two decades you've been together?

Could you agree to a big spend if this contract lasts for another 3, 6, 9 months? So this way, she gets her spending splurge of an agreed x pounds. Will she be happy then? Or will she be going on about the next thing that she really, really needs in her life?

Lotus-eater

Some people see debt as normal and never ever grow out of it. She's lucky she has someone like you who is more down to earth.
Who's will is the greatest?

Yours and you have to bring her in line, hers and you risk being dragged into bankruptcy.

We all get a little carried away sometimes, it's the job of the partner to bring them back into reality, gently if it can be done and brutally if it is needed.

Sounds like some good old fashioned brutal reality talking, is needed here.