Partners attitude to money

[Deleted User]

deleted post

go_cat

Have you ever sat her down with a spead sheet of incomings and out goings and explained it to her soshe understands the impact of her spending

Do you have a joint bank account - does she spend her wages or yours- does she contribute to the debt / bills?

FBaby

She needs a serious reality check. You have serious debts still, especially if your contract is temporary. You are doing the right thing by focussing on reducing your debt as much as possible. Could you go over what the consequences of her constant spending could be?

One thing to keep in mind though is that many women (and men) do tend to overspend, especially when they buy for the sake of buying, because they are unsatisfied in their lives and the shopping makes them feel better, at least temporary. If that is your wife's case, it might be worth looking at why she is not happy rather than focussing on the money.

sparrer

I was in a similar situation until I discovered what was missing in my life. My children live far away and I was lonely, I thought filling my home with 'things' was a substitute. Since my lbm :idea: I've stopped spending, taken an interest in my finances, got a wider circle of friends, and joined some daytime and evening activities. I no longer need to spend and am quite impressed with how much I put away each month.

Are you working long hours/away from home etc? Could it be that she's missing some company? Just a thought. Hope you get it sorted out, you've done well reducing your debts and need to have her backing to reach the end of it.

VfM4meplse

[quote=[Deleted User];49780899]Yes - not particularly interested. Prefers to leave it to me.[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should unbundle your finances and then adopt a similar disinterest in her spending - leave your OH's debt to her. Or wave a magic wand and get her to grow up.

JulieGeorgiana

Maybe you should give her an 'allowance' and when it's gone, it's gone! If she wants a new kitchen she has to save up. No credit!

You have to make her realise that a new kitchen = more debt!

I know a lot of woman in my area like to spend, spend, spend to keep up with the 'joneses' because they feel inadequate if they don't. I agree their might be an underlaying issue.

My OH was terrible when I met him, and now he is as frugal as me! But I cannot tell you how I did it... I just kept talking to him (and shouting at times), and communicating how important it was to stay debt free, to cut back! I think communication was the key to our success. We now have shared goals instead of opposing ones!

ukjoel

I used to have the same problem and its a very simple one to fix.

Use cash. And lock away the cards.

Its incredible how much more aware you are of spending your money when you pay in cash and stop using plastic.

She doesnt realise until the credit card bill arrives and by then its too late.

vodkafrog

mindless spending can somtimes mask other problems, might she benifit from talking to someone about what emotional need the spending is meeting? Unless underlying problems are addressed spending will often continue.

Li0nhead

I think a serious sit down is in order taking her through the expenditure.
Inform her its better in the long run to pay what debt you have off while your earning good money rather than adding to it when you could have to take a paycut in future.
If shes not interested break it down into a blunt 'we earn X, you are looking to spend X+whatever figure, we have a simple choice. Control our spending or increase our income' if still no joy add: 'besides you could go full time to make up any shortfall...' (expect to spend a couple of nights on the sofa).

We would all love to spend on whatever comes into our heads but at the end of the day it has to be paid for.

Like i say everytime i hear this sort of tale:

You cannot live a £50K lifestyle on a £25K income.

Or another idea, show her this thread!

Errata

[quote=[Deleted User];49780899]Yes - not particularly interested. Prefers to leave it to me.

Yes, joint account. All money goes in together. Her salary would only just pay the mortgage and nothing else so its all just bundled together.[/QUOTE]
What's preventing you from manning up and taking full control of all finances?

MrsManda

I think you need to stop letting her leave it all to you and make her involved in your household's financial realities.

Fbaby and Sparrer make a good point in that it's worth trying to find out why she wants to spend all the time - is it boredom, dissatisfaction with some aspect of her life...?

A personal allowance can be a good idea - my OH and I each have a 'nice things' account separate from the household account into which we each get £40 a month to spend on whatever we want. The amount was decided on after we'd assessed our monthly household income and outgoings. This system works really well for us and has done for years.

I know people who work on the cash system whereby each person gets a set amount of cash a month/week and once it's gone that's it until the next pay date which works for them. I don't like carrying cash as I end up wondering what on earth I spent it on so much prefer using cards so I can track my spending - they get paid off in full every month so never pay charges/interest.

Together you need to find a system which works for you.