Partners attitude to money

midnight_express

I'd get rid of the joint account.

BitterAndTwisted

You either get rid of the joint bank account or withdraw her access to anything other than a personal allowance if you're going to continue taking sole responsibility for paying the bills and paying down that nasty £10k debt.

It appears that the £15k you've very sensibly cleared is translated in her head as some sort of free money to spend again on a kitchen. Please resist this at all costs!

Explain to her how worried you are about the prospect of either of your incomes being reduced or lost altogether. This is happening to people all over the country every single day. How would she propose you managed then and still had something to pay off the debt?

LuckyLouise

** Deleted **

Desperado99

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Maybe you should give her an 'allowance' and when it's gone, it's gone! If she wants a new kitchen she has to save up. No credit!

You have to make her realise that a new kitchen = more debt!

I know a lot of woman in my area like to spend, spend, spend to keep up with the 'joneses' because they feel inadequate if they don't. I agree their might be an underlaying issue.

My OH was terrible when I met him, and now he is as frugal as me! But I cannot tell you how I did it... I just kept talking to him (and shouting at times), and communicating how important it was to stay debt free, to cut back! I think communication was the key to our success. We now have shared goals instead of opposing ones!

I was going to suggest an allowance....... although, it's not always the answer, she may end up getting in debt without you knowing if she still overspends.

It's a toughie, I was the spender in our relationship to begin with, but over the years I've become the one who makes the savings. I make a budget for the year (I did it yesterday, lol) and list all the things that I would like to do (Patio doors have been on the list for about five years now:rotfl:) and then work out how much I need to save every month in order to do it. It gives me an incentive to save.

Sambucus_Nigra

[quote=[Deleted User];discussion/3703457]

But wife is ALWAYS spending. Not necessarily always expensive things its just constant every day. Does my head in.

I just want to pay off the cards and not be in debt but shes looking at new kitchens, garage conversions etc.
[/QUOTE]

Your answer must always be 'honey, I just want to pay off the cards and not be in debt and we do not want or need a [new] X'.

Just keep repeating it; and repeating it and repeating it.

We do not need a new kitchen - what we need to do is to pay off the £ we still owe.
We do not need a new garage conversion - what we need to do is to pay off the £ we still owe.
We do not need a new X - what we need to do is to pay off the £ we still owe.
You can't reduce your hours as what we need to do is to pay off the £ we still owe.

Each time she says her line, you repeat yours.

lilac_lady

If your current income is as high as £5000 per month and your OH knows this, perhaps that's why she thinks that she can keep spending without consequences.

Time for the big money chat.

Ravenlady_2

You need to scrap the joint account or pay an substantial amount in to another account that she cannot access to go towards your debts whilst you are earning a large sum per month, its easy for her to only see £ in her eyes when she is earning so little compared to you and forget it is temporary.

Being the person who has to hold the finances together in my family its frustrating when the other fritters it all away.

Sambucus_Nigra

[quote=[Deleted User];49788641]Thats the problem I think with her.

All these things in her mind are 'essential'. Apparently, the kitchen is so bad its beyond hope. Yeh right!

I try to remind her that what do people who are really poor do. They dont go and get loans for new kitchens do they? They do without it.[/QUOTE]

Well, unless you are firm [rather than just going 'yeh right' at her] she's never going to see it your way. 'It's not beyond hope, it's fine'.

Or alternatively - 'yes dear, we can have a new wotsit; when we are 10k in credit. At the moment we are 15k in debt'.

So you do the maths and tell her how long it's going to take to get there - and it would be even quicker if she was on side and not trying to derail your progress every day.

BitterAndTwisted

I can just imagine how she feels when she knows that your current income exceeds the outgoings by two grand a month. The other side of that coin is becoming debt-free in five months or less. Which as you sensibly appreciate is not certain.

I'd be salting away a substantial amount elsewhere out of reach. We all know how uncomfortable it could be if your current contract ends with still some way to go to paying off that debt. What's the monthly minimum payment on ten grand?

If your employment continues you could be debt-free and have the money for that new kitchen by next Christmas. Some people just don't get the concept of deferred pleasure. I have a horrible feeling that once the kitchen-envy is satisfied she'll be focusing on something else equally spendy.

midnight_express

[quote=[Deleted User];49788493]Thats the problem I do. She just sits there and says what she wants to spend on.

I always say I'm not stopping you spending but if you take no interest in our finances then you've got no say. Shes not bothered.[/QUOTE]

If you don't give it to her she can't spend it.