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New mum....failing :(
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Ok you need to be un brainwashed in the breastfeeding thing. You will do whats best for baby, which is..... happy content, warm, dry..
What baby needs from you is a mummy who has had a good rest, lack of sleep your not going to produce the milk, This isn't your fault. Hubby may want the perfect life etc, but life isn't like that, at least with bottle fed he can help.
No no no no no. sleep is very important to you right now, get some rest, let the old man feed baby.
Baby knows when you are stressed and tired.
You've come along way since he was born, and he's thriving, give yourself a pat on the back for that, well done :T
What she says ^^^ times 20 :T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T
I think we all feel like failures at times. I 'failed' at carrying my baby to term, he was 11 weeks early. I 'failed' at producing a perfect baby, he has disabilities. I 'failed' at getting him to breast-feed (he never latched). I 'failed' at expressing BM beyond 6 months (because higher calorie formula was more appropriate).
But I succeeded in recognising that my body wasn't supporting my pregnancy and our son was delivered alive. I succeeded in having a healthy baby and we now have a healthy toddler. I succeeded in pumping in the early days and ensuring he got the benefit of BM regardless of the method of delivery. And I succeeded in understanding that baby's needs were more important than any ideals I might have.
You don't have to be a perfect Mum. You just have to be a Mum. That's what your baby needs most. Please stop stressing and start enjoying it:heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls
MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remoteProud Parents to an Aut-some son
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Hope you've had some rest. New babies are exhausting. The worry, the sleep deprivation, the hormones..the expectations. Don't be so hard on yourself..it will get better. And the most important thing is the baby is getting fed. Doesn't matter how..x x x0
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Have you tried taking him into the bath with you and trying to feed him there? You might find that relaxing in the warm water helps.
Regardless, you have tried your best and shouldn't feel a failure if things don't turn out quite how you'd hoped.0 -
Didn't want to read and run but can't say anything that hasn't already been said so well by other posters
OP, you are doing an amazing job:j
Make the most of your OH being home with you. OH's are amazingly resilient and will be well looked after when they go back to work so let him take care of you for a while!If it is ok for Baby, maybe OH could take Baby out for a little while - just half an hour or so, so you can rest without distraction? That helped me a lot
Take care of your new little family and CONGRATULATIONS!!!:T0 -
I also agree with everything other posters have said.
I had my son 5 weeks early by emergency caesarian, and immediately I went into PND and couldn't face B/F (my head was all over the place). He fed every hour or so by bottle and I was still exhausted. He was only 4lb birth weight.
Please don't beat yourself up, it is so hard being a new mother, and for me such a shock, I was no way prepared for how hard it would be.
But.... it does get easier. Mine is now a teenager and so strong and sporty, you wouldn't believe he was this tiny frail little thing when he was born.
So, I guess I'm saying please don't worry (I know thats easier said than done), you are doing an amazing job :A"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE0 -
Always_Alone wrote: »I had a beautiful baby boy 10 days ago who decided to arrive 4 weeks early :j
I have always said i would do right by him and assumed that i would be able to breastfeed, took it for granted and never gave it another thought.
When born he was early and had a low birth weight but luckily didn't need to go to special care. We had skin to skin and then tried to feed him. Because he was early he hadn't fully learnt the sucking reflex and really struggled to take from me.
In hospital the emphasis was getting food down him to prevent him from going downhill as this would then spiral into other issues so i agreed to formula feed as long as we could continue to try to breast feed. We are on a fairly strict 3 hour feeding routine to ensure he gets enough
Sadly, he didn't take to me so i got to a stage where i was expressing and he was having that and then being topped up with formula.
Since being at home, i have been in touch with breastfeeding support groups who have been amazing but he still won't take to me, the amount i am able to express has gone right down and i am now just giving him formula. The support groups keep saying to continue to express and then the latching on can be sorted out when baby gets stronger
I really want to provide for my baby and feel like a failure for not being able to do so. I have not had more than an hours sleep in any one go for 10 days because by the time i have fed him, topped up with expressed/formula, winded, changed and then tried to express some more, it is only an hour till the next feed
I have spent all of last night and today crying because i am just so tired and the thought of what i need to do to have any chance of breastfeeding is making me distraught.
My partner is supportive of what i want to do but he is now getting so worried about me because i am just so tired and crying all the time.
I text my breastfeeding support lady today to say i was on the verge of giving up and haven't heard anything back from her. I have now decided to give up but can't make peace with my decision
I feel such a failure for not being able to provide the most basic thing for my poor baby who will now be disadvantaged due to my inadequecies.
This is why I get so het up about the whole breastfeeding issue.......new mums, just when they least need it, get made to feel like failures if they can't or decide not to breastfeed.
You need to do what's best for you and the little one and if that means feeding him formula (which anyone would think is akin to sticking a big mac down his neck the way some people go on about it) then so be it.
happy baby = happy mum = happy baby.
I always remember how the caring sharing breastfeeding sister at the hospital made one woman's life hell becuase she was having similar problems and the poor mite was starving. In the end the mum grew a pair and fed the baby formula - much to the sister's disgust - and result was one happy content baby.
Don't let anyone tell you you are a bad mum - you're not !2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
Firstly: you feel a failure - welcome to the Mothers Club! Join the rest of us rubbish mothers (all of them). Axe murderer? Poor mothering. Genius? Inherant genes - probably the fathers...
Secondly: had two kids. First breast fed and loads of milk (I could have fed Surrey). With the second child I was terribly ill so milk dried up and she had to be bottle fed.
Both girls now women. Bottle fed one is in full health and now has daughter of her own. Ironically the breast fed one has had slightly poorer health all her life, despite what it said about essential antibodies in breast milk, etc.
This is not to advocate bottle feeding, but just to make the point that you can`t predict these things.
Just get some sleep, feed the kid in whatever way works and watch them grow up and confoundDebt September 2020 BIG FAT ZERO!
Now mortgage free, sort of retired, reducing and reusing and putting money away for grandchildren...0 -
I know it's all been said now but wanted to join in - YOU are an AMAZING mum. Don't let your head tell you any differently.
When I breastfed my first, no one thought to tell me they get all they need in the first 10 minutes or so and after that they're comfort sucking! So, I sat for ages thinking it must be normal and he needed that much - honestly, a good hour, only do it again an hour later. At least with a bottle you know how much they're having :-)
On the subject of baby's dad helping out with night feeds. We arranged it so hubby did night feeds on Friday and Saturday nights as he wouldn't need to get up early the following mornings. It really did make the week nights seem better because there was something to look forward to.
I really hope you find peace with yourself and get on with enjoying your baby.
Hugsssssssss and Happy New Year.0 -
you are not failing your baby. i remember feeling a failure because i had to have a forceps delivery.
oh that's reminded me
after I had DS (who was large and overdue - I'd had to have an emergency c-section) I was asked to go to talk to the new mums-to-be about B/F.
We were asked to start by talking about the birth - now it had been awful, really, I had to be induced, I'd had every drug going, an epidural then a general for the c-section as there wasn't time to top up the epidural so I was groggy; he had a low apgar. (Having said that I had always thought I would end up having a section, so much so I wouldn't write a birth plan!) -and I couldn't believe the midwife wanted me to tell these pg mums my story. Anyway she did so I did - now all I was ever bothered about was walking out of the hospital with my baby - I really wasn't bothered about the process IYSWIM (good job, considering)
Anyway after I told the story one of the PG mums asked me if I felt I deserved to have a healthy baby, not having given birth to him normally...did I not feel a failure?
at which point I realised new mums are drip fed this constant perfect pregnancy/perfect birth/perfect BF crap to the point where they believe they have failed if things don't go to plan.
Of course things don't go to plan - it's real life. Don't beat yourself up, honey!Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY"I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily DickinsonJanice 1964-2016
Thank you Honey Bear0 -
Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »TBH, the ones who are convinced they did a great job from day one and never felt a single doubt or worry are usually the ones you wouldn't trust with a goldfish, never mind a child.Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY"I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily Dickinson
Janice 1964-2016
Thank you Honey Bear0
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