New mum....failing :(

Itismehonest

Something to think about.......
Most grandmothers & grandfathers of babies born now were themselves born at a time when BF was really unfashionable & only a small percentage bothered.
Somehow they struggled through

fsdss

i am a breast feeding counsellor but i really struggled to breast feed my babies so i know where you're coming from.
here's my two pennies worth anyway

babies only need about a desert spoonful of breast milk at this age so it looks poor in comparison to a 3-4 ounce bottle but may be less due to immaturity (prematurity)

your breast milk may only just be coming through but the best time to establish breastfeeding is the first feed of the day after a good nights sleep. try this on the bed- lay baby beside you and let baby smell you (they are in tune with your breast milk smell), keep trying this every day and eventually baby will click.

plenty of rest, fluid and small regular eating pattern will enhance milk production, get your partner to take over the night duty tonight

give baby a dummy to improve suckling

but most importantly RELAX....the more uptight u are - the more baby will be...you are your baby's perfect mum....

cant add any more as a little tipsy at present :beer:

krazykidskate

If you want to persevere with breast feeding try an electric pump (not sure if you could rent one) to get/keep your supply going whilst baby keeps up. But formula feeding is just as good, don't stress hun. Being a new Mum is SO bloody difficult and under-rated just hold in there it does get easier xxx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

thatgirlsam wrote: »

The same person told me that you can buy all the organic blankets, clothes and food you like (I did) but when they get to 15 they will only eat pot noodles and will wear the same skanky t-shirt for weeks

:rotfl:

It's true.

and then they meet an equally skanky teenager of the opposite sex and then you wonder how, with all that grease on their hair and their skin, they ever manage to hold onto one another for more than a second without sliding away. Then you have an epiphany - that's why they seem to be joined at the hip - they will slide away if not clinging to one another.




Breastfeeding was hard with DD1 and there was constant grief about how it was pointless for babies now we had formula. Managed 9 months though.

With DD2, it was much easier to start with, but as she was over 9lbs when born, I had her sister to think of and my supply, despite doing all the things the books said, my supply just went at 13 weeks. She was fine on formula instead.


I still felt guilty about things both times. First time because I had a Caesarian and not the babybook natural birth. Second time because I had a forceps delivery. There's always something to feel bad about - it's part of the mind processing the birth experience, the impact of having someone that depends on you, the hormones flying around - it's normal to feel bad without actually ever being anything other than a great mother. You still grieve a little for the baby inside you, as that was one that was with you and never cried or made you feel inadequate and now you are 'sort of' alone, but with a different little person to love instead.

TBH, the ones who are convinced they did a great job from day one and never felt a single doubt or worry are usually the ones you wouldn't trust with a goldfish, never mind a child.


Anxiety makes you careful, it makes you watchful and I would imagine that, at some point in the past, it was a biological advantage to have mums looking for any slight problem or perceived failing, as it would increase their vigilance.



You're fine, it's normal to feel let down, anxious and teary. You're doing fine. If you can't express (I couldn't at all for either, despite hooking up to a hospital machine that made me feel like Bessie the Cow), and bottle feeding is the best option for you, then your little one WILL BE FINE.


Perhaps someone could have him for a couple of hours during the afternoon so you could get some sleep? that always makes things feel better.


Be kind to yourself.

Torndao01

Like everyone else says, breastfeeding is not the most important thing, what is important is a happy well rested Mum.

Like everyone else I experienced problems breastfeeding and not making the decision earlier to stop led to me having 6 months of PND.

I know you want someone to say its ok to stop breastfeeding, because thats what I wanted people to say to me. All these posts agree that breast isn't always best if it doesn't work for you.

If you still arn't sure, read your own post as if it was written by someone else and what would your advice be.

pebbles88

aaww OP ((((HUGS)))) you & your little boy are still getting to know each other, the post about spending the day/couple of days in bed with him, and just letting him smell you & nuzzle you, and plenty of cuddles will do both of you the world of good.

It will all seem clearer after you get a good nights sleep, just because your OH is bk to work soon doesn't mean that he can't make sure you are as settled & rested as much as you can be before he returns.

Your little one is lucky to have a Mum like you, it will all work out ok. Easier said than done I know but please try not to be so hard on yourself, you're doing brilliantly. (((((HUGS)))))

Mupette

Always_Alone wrote: »

There is so much emphasis but on the benefits of breastfeeding and i am just gutted that i can't provide my baby with the best start in life. The thought of him having issues later in life because i was too tired to perservere kills me but i just don't have the energy to survive on an hours sleep.

My partner has been amazing, doing night feeds, sorting out my meals, washing etc. but i am trying to do the night feeds myself as he goes back to work next week. I don't know how i'll cope if i'm still trying to get baby on breast and am on my own at home as well. He admitted today that in an ideal world he would like baby breastfed, he thought formula was probably better because he can see what sort of state i am in.

I have 99% decided to go with formula only and haven't expressed or put baby to breast since this morning but there's just this niggling thought at the back of my head that i should try harder and put baby's needs above my need to sleep. I feel like such a crap mum.

Ok you need to be un brainwashed in the breastfeeding thing.
You will do whats best for baby, which is..... happy content, warm, dry..

What baby needs from you is a mummy who has had a good rest, lack of sleep your not going to produce the milk, This isn't your fault. Hubby may want the perfect life etc, but life isn't like that, at least with bottle fed he can help.

i should try harder and put baby's needs above my need to sleep

No no no no no.
sleep is very important to you right now, get some rest, let the old man feed baby.

Baby knows when you are stressed and tired.

You've come along way since he was born, and he's thriving, give yourself a pat on the back for that, well done :T

go_cat

I think its so sad new mums such as the OP feel like this just because they cannot breastfeed :eek:-

forumla is fine or they wouldn't sell it

I couldn't breastfeed and my little boy is fine ..... OP - you need to speak to your midwife to get support

Get lots of sleep and you will be fine

Congratulations on his birth and happy new year

Threebabes

You are being so hard on yourself. When I had my 1st child 16 year ago, we were in a state of shock for the first year. The lack of sleep is the worse thing every. Give yourself a chance to adjust. xxx

Mojisola

Always_Alone wrote: »

When born he was early and had a low birth weight but luckily didn't need to go to special care. We had skin to skin and then tried to feed him. Because he was early he hadn't fully learnt the sucking reflex and really struggled to take from me.

In hospital the emphasis was getting food down him to prevent him from going downhill as this would then spiral into other issues so i agreed to formula feed as long as we could continue to try to breast feed. We are on a fairly strict 3 hour feeding routine to ensure he gets enough

Bottles deliver milk for very little effort while suckling is quite a lot of work. Your little boy was introduced to bottles because he needed the nutrition. It's not anyone's fault but he may not ever take to breast feeding.

The most important thing for you is to relax and get some sleep. If you weren't a good Mum, you wouldn't be worried about him and his milk!