Living with an addict.

wouldbeqaulitymoneysaver

*and much more besides but that's another story* It's the alcoholics that are the most depressing. A couple of deaths that horrible drink makes peoples immune systems compromised hence small illnesses more likely to kill them.

onlyroz

Does he want to quit? If he does then I'd give him a chance and my full support. If not, then I'd seriously consider booting him out.

mongmoney

OP,
I lived with an alcoholic for 10 years. Watched as she battled depression and attempted suicide.
I decided that although I loved her I couldn't carry on trying to upkeep working life whilst having that at home.
You need to decide if you can lose love and gain calm. It's not easy but lots of family and friends will offer support. Before you know it, you will be calmer, happier, and your kids will obviously benefit from the new you.
Take some time to reflect carefully about what you want, then go get it!
I can honestly say that I am so much happier, and looking forward to what 2012 will bring. A positive attitude with lots of smiles and laughter.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Mongy

euronorris

500 quid pm on weed? Are you sure that's all it is now? Even if he was smoking it all day, every day (ie, not working), I still can't see that it would cost that much, so the fact he's spending that much makes me suspicious that he has moved onto something stronger.

With his current behaviour, I think you really need to consider if this is a relationship you want to continue being in.

pearl123

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

You want your 'old' partner back, and it sounds as if that's what you're hanging on for. But you need to ask yourself how long you're prepared to wait, with no evidence to suggest you're going to get him back.

How long are you prepared to wait with your children around the drug taking?

Has he acknowledged that he has a problem at all? Or is he just so stoned he can no longer think properly! Sit down with him today - the first day of the year and make it clear that you want you and your children living in a healthy enviroment. This problem has little chance of going away until you make it very clear to him how very unhappy you are with the situation?
Ask him who he loves more the weed or you and the children. The way he's behaving at the moment it does not appear to be you and the children!
Good luck OP

Ravenlady_2

So we had 'the chat' after he found this thread and today he is moving out to his aunties for a bit, going to start seeing a grief counsellor and hopefully start cutting down, his aunty drinks quit a lot and I think this has been the kick up the !!!! they both need to face up to their problems.
He very nearly lost his family and still might do if he doesn't sort his act out.

I have always maintained that I have no issue with the odd joint or two once or twice a week at the bottom of the garden, its just the sheer amount of stuff he smokes on a daily basis, just like with drink a glass of wine at the end of the day is seen as ok, 3 bottles of wine a night is not. He cant function any more and sometimes its like living with someone with altzheimers who's had a stroke

I am sort of glad he ended up being addicted to cannabis and I know it could have been worse, I don't know anyone who's been attacked by someone who couldn't handle their smoke yet!

Anyway, time to go help him pack.

Ravenlady_2

euronorris wrote: »

500 quid pm on weed? Are you sure that's all it is now? Even if he was smoking it all day, every day (ie, not working), I still can't see that it would cost that much, so the fact he's spending that much makes me suspicious that he has moved onto something stronger.

With his current behaviour, I think you really need to consider if this is a relationship you want to continue being in.

yep its that much, an eighth is £25 here and that might just last him a night.

rachbc

Ravenlady wrote: »

, his aunty drinks quit a lot and I think this has been the kick up the !!!! they both need to face up to their problems.
.

I hope it does work out for you but this above rang massive alarms for me - 2 addicts living together probably won't sort out either of their problems but more likely feed and justify each other's and their own addictions. Is there nowhere else he can go whilst he gets himself together?

Dinah93

I was about to say Ravenlady, my ex would get through at least an eighth a day which was £20, and this was about 7 years ago, so I fully get how he can get through £500 a month. He only worked about 30 hours a week in a call centre, so this ate almost all his wages, yet still he managed to make me feel lucky when he picked up some milk on the way home or brought a takeaway pizza back for tea. Indirectly I got into a huge amount of debt paying all his bills, repayments, food and fuel for the both of us etc, just because he spent all his money on weed.

I think it's great you're taking some space to sort things out, not only will it be good for your mental well being, but for your family's health too. Also you say you've never known anyone who's been attacked by someone who couldn't handle their smoke yet - erm, hi. When we moved house he didn't know anyone to supply him in the area, and went from over an eigth a day to maybe an eigth a month overnight. After two or three years at such a high level he no longer had any idea of how to function without it. He was completely paranoid, quitting job after job as the managers all apparently had it in for him, yelling at me if I crossed him (asked him a simple question such as 'did you remember to call your mum back?' was enough to get a twenty minute tirade on how we were both bi***es who were trying to ruin his life), and he started holding me down, then locking me in rooms/outside the house, and eventually shoving me about. He genuinely thought I deserved it for whatever slight he imagined I'd said or dne. The day I ended it was the first day he actually did what I considered abuse (although I now see it had been going on a long time, since the house move) - pushing me down the stairs and then throwing a huge 4ft picture frame off the wall over my head. I'm only telling you these things as you're right, it's very rare to find a violent stoner. However a violent or angry ex stoner seems to be a lot more common especially if they were heavy users as their perception can be quite warped of the world around them. With my ex it's possible the issues came before the weed, as he had a rough upbringing, but I know when I met him he was a very light user, about 18-20 months of heavy use later he was a completely different person to who I met. I was probably happy in the early days of the relationship, but the lost year to weed and then the year of abuse made it so I could never think positively of him again. I pray my experience is not repeated with you, and that he can pull himself together, but remember if your feelings for him don't change back to how they once were, that's okay too, you've been through a lot, and him doing weed or not is his decision and it's not for you to 'reward' him by letting him come back if he manages to get clean if that isn't what you want when the time comes.

Savvy_Sue

Ravenlady wrote: »

So we had 'the chat' after he found this thread and today he is moving out to his aunties for a bit, going to start seeing a grief counsellor and hopefully start cutting down, his aunty drinks quit a lot and I think this has been the kick up the !!!! they both need to face up to their problems.

'hopefully' start cutting down? Seriously, I think you need to accept that he's not ready to quit yet.

Ravenlady wrote: »

I am sort of glad he ended up being addicted to cannabis and I know it could have been worse, I don't know anyone who's been attacked by someone who couldn't handle their smoke yet!

Please be aware that having been addicted to one thing, it's very very easy to simply replace one addiction with another if the issues behind it are not fully faced. He probably thinks that it's just a matter of cutting down and all will be well: it won't.

The grief counsellor may be a good start, but I'd strongly recommend that he speaks to his GP about a proper programme, or finds the local NA group. His reaction to that will tell you whether he wants to stop or not.

rachbc wrote: »

I hope it does work out for you but this above rang massive alarms for me - 2 addicts living together probably won't sort out either of their problems but more likely feed and justify each other's and their own addictions. Is there nowhere else he can go whilst he gets himself together?

Seconded.