Living with an addict.

elantan

i live with a person that is an addict ... we had a big white elephant in the room for years that i kept poking ... finally i had had enough of poking the elephant and nothing changing that i told him we were finished ... he got his act together ... i think the fear of losing the best thing in his life was the catalyst for change ... were a year or so into dealing with things and i cant say that we will be together anymore ... but atleast i know he is trying and working on whats right for him ...

i did ( and still do) look at my behaviour , was i enabling him etc ... but it was good for me as well to look at myself

BitterAndTwisted

I know that it's easy to say but until you have a full and frank discussion with him about how hateful he is making your life and how you are considering divesting yourself from him and his parasitic ways, you are just going to go round and round in circles with this.

Until he gets a real shock to the system you won't ever get back the man you fell in love with all that time ago.

£500 a month on weed is an obscene amount. And dangerous to his mental well-being. And yours, never mind your children's. If they're not at the age when they are talking about dope-smoking at home to people outside they will be soon.

JulieGeorgiana

I told my Ex in October 2005 that if things didn't change I was leaving!

He was Violent and Abusive... and after the police got involved I realised I could lose my son because I was letting this man ruin our lives!

You OH is in a downward spiral... and your children are learning from him that drugs is acceptable and okay. As is stealing!

I think you need to leave (or threaten to), he will either smarten up... or he won't!

Mine didn't... I left him in December 2005 after he continually didn't change and refused coucilling... he then wallowed for over a year is self-pity!

It was too late for us, but he did become a father to my DS. He's trying now! Even though I still have to 'bolster' him up and 'cheer' him along... it isn't 100% emotionally draining anymore!

I left in the end because I was unhappy, and because I didn't want my DS to be taken away or turn into his father....!

And it worked, my DS is the most lovely, kindest and caring boy

BitterAndTwisted

Please don't bring you own experiences into a discussion and paint Ravenlady's relationship with the same brush. She said that he's not violent. The worst he's appeared to have done is shout at the kids on Christmas Day.

Ravenlady please promise yourself that you'll give him a final warning to clean up his act or he's out. If not for you, please consider doing it for your kids.

JulieGeorgiana

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Please don't bring you own experiences into a discussion and paint Ravenlady's relationship with the same brush. She said that he's not violent. The worst he's appeared to have done is shout at the kids on Christmas Day.

Ravenlady please promise yourself that you'll give him a final warning to clean up his act or he's out. If not for you, please consider doing it for your kids.

A mis-read on my part. I removed that.

I never intended to say that the two are one and the same. She asked at the start how others coped with their own experiences. This is how I coped.

And like your advice, I tried giving my Ex a final warning for my childs sake... it never worked for me, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.

marie-20

My husband has an addiction but nothing like the rest of you and my heart goes out to you! My dad was very abusive and violent towards my mum so I know just how terrible it really is however she kicked him out when I was 6 and he met my stepmum 5 years later and he hasn't once raised a hand to her so occasionally a lepoard can change their spots but it is very rare.

My hubby is addicted to his medication which with the level of pain etc that he is in it's no surprise. Come 5.30pm if he hasn't taken his 2nd set of meds he starts shaking and feeling sick and so goes his mum but I think that's part of the morphine.

On a light-hearted note he's addicted to sport and it drives me insane

elantan

i can understand where your coming from Marie ... my hubby tried all the medication that he could for his pain ( tramadol, diazepam, cohydramol, amytriptaline, diclofenac etc etc) nothing worked ... so he turned to alcohol and hash... it seemed to be the only thing that took away the pain for him

verystupidwithmoney

The dope is hiding something. It isn't fun to get stoned every night. Once in a while, sure, but every night is because of something in his mind.

Caroline_a

I lived with a man who was an alcoholic. I thought I could 'help' him, but after too many years of trying to put things in his way so that he wouldn't drink I finally realised that the decision to stop was his and not mine. We split up. Me, I'm more content, feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Him, he's ill, alone, and still drinks.

My advice to you would be to walk away. Sounds like he disgusts you, and see what are you showing your kids - that it's ok to take illegal drugs, steal and generally behave badly.

Ravenlady_2

verystupidwithmoney wrote: »

The dope is hiding something. It isn't fun to get stoned every night. Once in a while, sure, but every night is because of something in his mind.

Yep, the dope is hiding the fact he has refused to accept and deal with his fathers death, the fact he has been clinically depressed since the age of 17 with the first suicide attempt (he had his heart broken and dont think he ever got over the rejection) and the fact that we are in a very large financial hole.