Living with an addict.

Ravenlady_2

Anyone living with another person who is addicted to something?

It can be Drugs, Drink, Gambling, Spending, heck it can even be the blinking XBOX for all I care. I am just trying to find people who are in the non addicts shoes and how they cope with the constant white elephant in their relationship?

GeeBee38

I lived with an alcoholic for 10 years and it was a very upsetting and stressful time...but lots of happy times too when he was sober
You worry about them every minute of every day, praying they get better..
He sadly passed away 3 years ago..
He was the nicest, kindness loving person i had ever met but sadly he couldn't beat his demons
He was my best friend and i miss him every day...

JulieGeorgiana

I never lived with an adict... but my ex had despression... and for us it was that 'white elephant' in the room... living with someone who just didn't care enough to do anything, go anywhere!

Spending money he did well... neglect he did will... he watched TV all day and never did anything for either me or his son.

Maybe it's not quite the same... but I am sure it can be equally soul destroying for those around who try to help someone who refuses to help themselves.

BitterAndTwisted

I've had relationships with men with addictions but never lived with one. I really, really don't have the strength or emotional reserves to deal with any of that day-to-day. I have very serious doubts about whether an addict really has the motivation to change while they have someone in their life who's always got their back.

brodev

If you have a friend/relation with a drink problem I can suggest Alanon
If you have a friend/relation with a gambling problem then I suggest Gamanon

Ravenlady_2

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

I never lived with an adict... but my ex had despression... and for us it was that 'white elephant' in the room... living with someone who just didn't care enough to do anything, go anywhere!

Spending money he did well... neglect he did will... he watched TV all day and never did anything for either me or his son.

Maybe it's not quite the same... but I am sure it can be equally soul destroying for those around who try to help someone who refuses to help themselves.

Addicted to doing sod all, yeah I think that counts.

My OH has slowly worn me down to the point I would rather be without him, usually I get this feeling a few days a month when were penniless and he's spent it all but this week its all come to a head.
Christmas day was ruined because he was itching all day for his next fix, shouting at the kids for waking him, wanting a nap on the sofa etc etc just generally being a lazy sod until 8pm when he invited his mate over to get high.

This mate has recently started to comes practically every night, as soon as the kids are in bed he's here until 2/3am and they STINK the house out, I dont mind the odd joint or two in the garden but this is 10+ in my living room with one poxy window open (because it gets cold) and neither have the intelligence to understand that everything smells, the sofa reeks and if I have washing hanging up no one would have the sense to move it.

We all have nasty chest infections but all I get is a load of tosh about how he could be worse and he cant see how the smoke gets upstairs

Boxing day I had a showdown with his aunt about some things my mum had said about him and put her straight about his £125 a week habit, my mum called him a loser and naturally the truth hurting as much as it did he needed someone to fight his battles for him, His mum is no better as she sends him money when he's out which goes straight on drugs.

Then we have the selfishness, taking money from my purse, losing the change from going to the shop, forgetting to give my bank card back after 'borrowing it', never paying any money borrowed and using his income for drugs so the bills have to come out of the CTC and CB. I dont think I've had more than £5 to myself recently, we were given christmas money as a family and instead of splitting it 5 ways it got halved and spent on drugs

He is supposed to be touring come Feb and quite frankly I cant bloody wait for him to sod off for a bit, he cant even be bothered to go to practice anymore, never been to any scans or hospital appointments as he 'hates hospitals', finally after 6 months after we moved it I have a bed and some sort of carpet in the bedroom (its 3ft short at one end of the room as he took so long laying it we cant sent it back as its the wrong size)

He's gotten A LOT worse over the last 6 months (doubled his drug use) and quite frankly I cant remember when he last left the house that didn't involve going to see a dealer or to the cashpoint, cant remember the last time he willingly got up before 2pm or actually did anything for anyone else.

Apricot

Do you still love him?
Does the relationship make you happy?
Do you still want to be with him?

Ravenlady_2

Apricot wrote: »

Do you still love him?
Does the relationship make you happy?
Do you still want to be with him?

Personally I could not live with what you live with - I have lived with someone who smoked cannabis on a daily basis but the issues weren't anything like what you're living with

I want the person I fell in love with back.
I want the kids to have a proper dad again.

Nothing about this relationship makes me happy though any more, its just soul destroying to watch someone waste away and dragging the whole family down too, he's not violent in the slightest nor do we argue that much, basically because its pointless trying to reason with him as he is either too high to grasp what I am trying to say or he is asleep.

BitterAndTwisted

Good Lord. Is your OH a muso? Usually, the ones who actually get anywhere and make a success of their careers are the ones who are motivated to do a bit more than chugging on reefers all day long. If he doesn't bother gong to practice he could find that his band-mates find someone else with a bit more dedication.

Dope-smoking mate round every evening? Stealing money from your purse? Spending over a ton a week? Now, you know that isn't right and I cannot understand why you're only at your wit's end about it a couple of days a month when the spendies have run out.

I don't wish to be unkind but what's in this relationship for you and why haven't you kicked his @rse to the kerb before now? Your mother is right, he is a loser. Or is giving every appearance of being one. Same difference. The sex must be really, REALLY good.

Molly41

For you and your babies - born and unborn you need him out of the house. It is such an unhealthy environment for you all. If I was your midwife (I am a retired midwife) and came and visited and smelt suspicious substances, I would have to voice my concerns. Such a bad example to your kids too.

My son smokes cannabis and today I have had yet another bust up with him. Tough love. By putting up with the situation you are enabling his behaviour - just as I am too with my son and its gotta stop!

Ravenlady_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Good Lord. Is your OH a muso? Usually, the ones who actually get anywhere and make a success of their careers are the ones who are motivated to do a bit more than chugging on reefers all day long. If he doesn't bother gong to practice he could find that his band-mates find someone else with a bit more dedication.

Dope-smoking mate round every evening? Stealing money from your purse? Spending over a ton a week? Now, you know that isn't right and I cannot understand why you're only at your wit's end about it a couple of days a month when the spendies have run out.

I don't wish to be unkind but what's in this relationship for you and why haven't you kicked his @rse to the kerb before now? Your mother is right, he is a loser. Or is giving every appearance of being one. Same difference. The sex must be really, REALLY good.

The sex? God he disgusts so much at the moment I cant bring my self to.