Living with an addict.

BitterAndTwisted

What is that? Smoking heroin or something? If so, check your valuables, run for you life and never look back. These things rarely end well for anyone. The son you knew and loved has gone.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Musos aren't like that. Musos are 100% focused, clean as a whistle where playing is concerned. Downtime is different. Downtime is your own time and your own business. But getting ready for touring? That's not your time. That's tour time.

If he's that wasted all the time, not practicing, not rehearsing, then (as long as he isn't some superduper rock star, and even they get binned by the labels when they become a liability) he's going to be an addict on the dole. Nobody. Just someone who will stagger into Cash Converters expecting top dollar for his Gibson, but being prepared to take enough for a week's supply of gear. Then he'll be some bore who corners you after the gig and tells you about how it was all stolen from him due to managers or creative difference.


What's the point in my practicing, rehearsing, studying, if the guitarist staggers in three hours late, hasn't got a clue what we are playing, can't form a barre chord and just gurns inanely when you try to get the session going? None whatsoever. And if he isn't Jimi Hendrix, then it's a damn sight easier to get someone who can prioritise.



God, I hate having to deal with nonfunctioning users.

thoughts_please

Have just recently made a more anonymous username. In answer to the original question, I have lived with someone with an addiction. It was not someone I was in a relationship with but my mother who was (is) an alcoholic. I totally understand how difficult it is for you and I hope you have some support in place.. I have to say that it is not the right environment for young children but it must be hard to leave someone you love and who can be a father to your children. For myself I finally realised I could do nothing about my mother's drinking and learnt to walk away to save myself pain but I do still see her (not when she is drinking).

Just for the record, his profession should have nothing to do with this - my partner is also a musician and would never dream of acting like this, he is a true professional and gentleman.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Here's a relevant quote:

The first sign of drugs impeding on your job is if you can’t do your gig, and that’s also the last sign. If you can’t do your show because you’re !!!!ed up then you’re overdoing it. Because the only thing that matters is the show. If you’re doing some kind of stimulant to the mind or body, it has to make the show better, otherwise you can !!!!in’ kick it in the head because it’s going to lose you your job, and there’s two hundred waiting to take your place when you do.


The speaker?


Lemmy.

http://www.clashmusic.com/feature/rock-and-rules-lemmy

newbie2010

I can sympathise with you OP. Although I have never actually lived with an addict it sometimes feels like I do.
My neighbour was a heroin addict. When she moved in next door 3 years ago (I had been here over 7 years) I accepted her and helped her in any way I could. My offer of help got abused until day in, day out, she would contact for one thing or another. I started to withdraw from her and only helped when really needed as she got very abusive towards me when I didn't jump to her every need. The way she treated me was also the way she treated her family and slowly they too turned her back on her. Either when she was high or withdrawing I tended to suffer her tantrums as I was closest, in form of calls day and night and abusive yelling outside my door and even through my letterbox when I ignored her. Only by getting the police involved (as I feared for my life on a couple of occasions when she really lost it), I cut all contact and as her family too had disowned her it gave her the kick up the backside she needed. On and off there were still minor incidents but she finally learnt she needed to fend for herself. Around 6 months ago, after almost a year without contact, I received a card from her apologising for how she had been although she couldn't remember anything specific. She is now off the drug and is starting to rebuild her life. I will only have contact with her in an emergency but I at least get a smile and a hello from her which is a great change from the name calling and threats I used to get.
Bottom line (in this case) is if you pander to their every whim they will do nothing for themselves and the problem/addiction will only get worse.
If I had a lazy bum (addict or not) that didn't treat me with the respect I deserved and didn't take responsibility for his family I would kick him out. Harsh but fair in many opinion.

belfastgirl23

The bottom line with this is alas that you can't change anything with your partner, all you can change is yourself. So the question is not about how to cope with someone with an addiction, it's what you choose to do in the situation. At the moment, you are choosing to tolerate it. I'm not saying you're wrong in doing this because only you can judge. I just want you to step back for a moment and realise that you do have choices. At the moment you aren't exercising them.

It is very easy to end up in a position where you feel like you're being 'done onto' rather than being the keeper of your own life. And it can be empowering to at least admit to yourself that you are able to decide on things yourself too.

As an aside though, smoking of any sort with kids in the house is bad news. And yes it will be affecting their respiritory health. And yours.

elantan

marie-20 wrote: »

Ohhh it's awful to see! He had the occasional spliff (once a blue moon) to start with when his mum had some (they suffer with pretty much the same things but Si is worse - well to me anyway) but TBH we don't know anyone that sells it so it ends that one there which is good.

He takes so many different meds it can be hard to keep up with but he's tried pretty much everything. His current main pain killers are Oxycodine @ 80mg twice daily and Oramorph (liquid morphine) @ 15mg up to 8 times a day as well as Raboxin/Methacarbolmol, Pregablin, Paracetamol and his sleeping/depression tab which I can't remember the name of but even so they aren't strong enough but Zomorph @ 90mg made him ill and still didn't work even with the Oramorph so just waiting for next appointment as hospital and hopefully they will be able to suggest something else.

thats a very very strong amount of tablets there Marie, its when they dont seem to work that it gets frustrating, thankfully with me finishing with my hubby it seemed to give him the kick he needed, he is now painkiller free ( not fully about 90% , he takes them when he is really sore)

he has been off the hash nearly a year and apart from two drinks, alcohol free for 7 months, he has had to change jobs which has made a total change to his pain and been for several lots of counselling and slowly he is getting there

it really is a blessing in disguise that you cant get a hold of hash, the stuff that is going about right now is horrendous, before hubby gave it up he was pulling blue plastic ( looked like bin bags) out of it and friends tell me it is the same if not worse now

Savvy_Sue

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I've had relationships with men with addictions but never lived with one. I really, really don't have the strength or emotional reserves to deal with any of that day-to-day. I have very serious doubts about whether an addict really has the motivation to change while they have someone in their life who's always got their back.

Very true.

brodev wrote: »

If you have a friend/relation with a drink problem I can suggest Alanon
If you have a friend/relation with a gambling problem then I suggest Gamanon

Links: Alanon, Gamanon, Famanon for drugs.

Ravenlady, even if he's not ready to face up to the addiction, there is nothing to stop you facing up to the fact that you are living with an addict and getting help and support for you and for your children. You may think it's not affecting them: one of the very few residential facilities for parents and children together gets the children to describe their experiences, what they remember, and this is shared with the parent. Parents are usually absolutely shocked by the effect it's had on their children when they blithely thought they'd protected their children from the drug taking and its effects.

You want your 'old' partner back, and it sounds as if that's what you're hanging on for. But you need to ask yourself how long you're prepared to wait, with no evidence to suggest you're going to get him back.

wouldbeqaulitymoneysaver

Lurking I have a guy friend who is a weed addict.

wouldbeqaulitymoneysaver

And living in Supported Housing in a sense I have 'lived' with alcoholics, most saddening and depressing. I am trying to read up on it all Novels etc.