Am I being unreasonable

jetplane

I don't think it's that black and white, what suits one couple won't do for another, but I think it needs to be done by mutual agreement. Your post is very much about you and the financial provision you and your company provide and the fun you're having. Nothing about your actual relationship or your wife's contribution. Does your wife work, if not can she not travel with you, if she does can she not join you on some trips?

You say your wife begs you not to go and gets depressed this would suggest to me that there is something deeply wrong. Have you asked your wife what she wants? Why does this distress her so much? Is this a new job, did you discuss it with your wife, if not has she suddenly decided she does not want you to go?

Even 2 x 2months this year and europe every quarter can add up to your wife being left alone for a long time. Skype is all very well but actually seeing your partner looking good and having a great time while your the one sat at home missing him and miserable is not so great.

You might see this as a great opportunity to provide a good life for your wife and future family, your wife might see it as always coming second best. You are never off call and are building a career, what about your wifes needs and building a marriage?

withabix

As someone else said: take her with you.

If you are that important to your employer, they should gladly pay for this!

Abbafan1972

My circumstances are different as I have kids and my husband doesn't work away, but If I was in your wife's position I would be long gone, believe me.

In answer to your question "Am I being unreasonable?". Yes.

I think it would be a whole different ball game if you were the one stuck at home.

victory

If the company pays well and looks after your wife in your absence why are you not going the next step and trying to include her in all your jobs perks?

If you cannot get her there for the whole 2 months they why not see if she can come half way through that way she will have something to look forward to and it will be not a whole lot of weeks, they can be split?

Your wife cares about you and will miss you, will you miss her? Sounds like you so want to get away but you also want to get away without having any worries or commitments from back home?

A marriage has to be 50/50 and your wifes' thoughts and feelings are just as important as yours, to leave her like an obedient pining dog is cruel.

You want to worry when your wife can no longer be bothered to come to the door to wave you off....

Emmzi

in answer to your question:

yes, you are being unreasonable. The way you phrase your question is all about you, you, you.

try and imagine how she feels, and post again.

Errata

Does she understand what her lifestyle would be like if you resigned and got a job shelf stacking instead?

jetplane

Sorry 13000 I feel a bit of a snake for doing this but you posted this yesterday. No wonder your wife has a problem with your new job.

My edit : changing boss to wife, us to me etc.

Recognise when you have a good [STRIKE]boss[/STRIKE] wife. My current [STRIKE]boss[/STRIKE] wife is great. She will ask a lot of [STRIKE]us[/STRIKE] me, but she will stand up and defend [STRIKE]every single one of us[/STRIKE] me to the powers that be. There are no "games or tricks" like in some [STRIKE]places[/STRIKE] marriages. Do what is asked of you and she will defend you to the hilt.

It may sound "soft" but [STRIKE]we[/STRIKE] I, her [STRIKE]staff,[/STRIKE] husband recognise this and we will go totally above and beyond for her. I guess you could call us a real team not just in name.

Oh and just to add, my leaving my previous job was one of the best things that ever happened. It has opened so many new doors for me I have a hard time picking which one to open, so maybe I should thank them

Has she stood by you through the difficult times? Should it not be It has opened so many doors for US?

conradmum

Some people are self-sufficient and can cope with long separations from their life partners, others can't. I don't think it's really a question of whether either of you is being reasonable or not, it's more a case of what each of you wants from the relationship. It sounds as though your wife wants someone to share her day to day life with, and gets lonely without someone around most of the time. It's not your fault or hers, just an area where you aren't very compatible.

If you want the marriage to survive you'll have to reach a compromise of sorts. Have you asked her why she doesn't want you to go? You need to work together to find a solution, but it starts with listening to and acknowledging the other person's needs.

aliasojo

I think that's a very good post conradmum.

Marisco

I'd kill for a job like that!!!! No I don't think you're being unreasonable, what about service wives? Their oh's do 6 month tours at a time, to war torn places, so not only are they separated, but they have the added worry of if they'll come home at all!! When I first met my ex he was at sea, and my oh used to be month on month off, you just get used to it, and carry on. Sounds like she needs to find something to do whilst the op is away, which should be far easier than someone who has kids.