Am I being unreasonable

msb5262

RacyRed wrote: »

OP, to me, the way this and your other recent posts read is that, at the moment you are more than a little in love with your new job and also seem to be a little besotted with your new female boss?

Interestingly the OP's recent posts elsewhere seem to have disappeared...

Abbafan1972

msb5262 wrote: »

Interestingly the OP's recent posts elsewhere seem to have disappeared...

The plot thickens....

OP - you don't say if your wife works and how exactly does your company "look after her?"

System

Hiya,

I haven't deleted any posts. I don't know why anyone would think I have? Can you share this insight with us ?

There have been a lot of strong conflicting opinions on this but yes I have gathered some good things out of it, or at least food for thought. As for the boss, not my type I am afraid. All I said is that its nice to have a good one. You don't realise that till you have a badun.

Please feel free to continue discussing but if it continues to get more and more aggressive from some quarters, I may well just ask for the thread to be closed. I came here for assistance and alternative viewpoints, not to be lambasted.

What I am trying to do is work out a happy medium. Leaving the job or saying no isn't really an option. Cutting down may be.

newbie2010

I admire you for coming here to seek advice as you obviously see a problem. The best thing you can do is ask you wife what she would like other than you quitting the job. Would she be happy with meeting up with you a week or so before you are due home to spend some time with you and maybe a day or two by yourselves between leaving that location and arriving home and going back to work? Would downsizing here to reduce bills be an option so she could travel with you some or most of the time even though during office hours (or whatever) you will be working? I fully understand you feel you are doing the best for your wife by making sure she has bills paid and money to spend but as a male you maybe don't understand the security of a relationship many women require.
Obviously people here have a right to their input as you have posed the question but without full info a lot of comments have been a bit too harsh.

jetplane

You are adept at avoidance :rotfl:

Original question;

So my questions are:

Am I being unfair or unreasonable ?

How can I make her understand my point of view (or at least accept it is valid and I can hardly turn round and say "Sorry, my wife doesn't want me to go")

Any ideas to lessen the impact ?

Feel free to close the thread we're only discussing it while we wait for you to clarify a few things to help you lessen the impact. As you have no intention of answering anybodys questions I now get the feeling you wanted endorsment not discussion.

persa

When I first started travelling for work, my OH found it difficult too. I don't think it matters whether you're male or female, it's not nice being 'the one left behind.'

Everyone has a part of their life that they don't share with their OH completely - I don't mean deep dark secrets, I mean women exchanging idle gossip with their gal pals, men pottering about in their sheds, that kind of thing. It's healthy to have time apart and it's fine to not share absolutely everything, as long it's only a small insignificant part of your life you're holding back.

In your case, OP, you seem to be very work orientated and disappear for months on end. In a way, it's like you have a different life you're keeping secret from your wife, even if it's very dull and harmless and doesn't involve another woman.

What worked for my OH and I was flying him out to see me on a regular basis, as well as me visiting him at home. By coming to see me, he could see for himself where I was living, the kind of lifestyle I was leading, etc. Nothing too exciting, but the point was, I let him in so he could see that for himself. I didn't keep it all for me - we shared some of that experience.

Talk to your wife and try to understand her concerns - but I imagine if you arrange for her to come and see where you're working and thus 'let her into your world' a bit more, she'll feel less anxious. Unless she's really insecure, I doubt she thinks you're cheating on her, it's probably more that you're spending a large chunk of your life doing something that doesn't involve her and she's worried you'll grow apart. Travel can change people, so unless you both share some of that experience, you might not change together.

I hope you work it out - I don't know about having a family, but it's certainly possibly to be career orientated and have a successful relationship. You just need to work at it.

tinktinktinkerbell

13000 wrote: »

So my questions are:

Am I being unfair or unreasonable ?

no, i dont think you are

if anything i think your wife is, this is part of your job, shes being unsupportive

pinkshoes

I think it's great you're so comitted to providing a financially stable future for you and your wife.

Personally I think your wife needs to see the bigger picture. I'd get the company to fly her out to see you for a week!

CH27

13000 wrote: »

Hiya,

I haven't deleted any posts. I don't know why anyone would think I have? Can you share this insight with us ?

There have been a lot of strong conflicting opinions on this but yes I have gathered some good things out of it, or at least food for thought. As for the boss, not my type I am afraid. All I said is that its nice to have a good one. You don't realise that till you have a badun.

Please feel free to continue discussing but if it continues to get more and more aggressive from some quarters, I may well just ask for the thread to be closed. I came here for assistance and alternative viewpoints, not to be lambasted.

What I am trying to do is work out a happy medium. Leaving the job or saying no isn't really an option. Cutting down may be.

If you answered some of the questions people have asked you may get more advice.

Badger_Lady

I travel internationally for work and my cat hates it. He has to lump it.

Seriously though, clients I know who have to travel regularly take their families with them - by the time you've built up the airmiles and so on, it doesn't add a lot of cost and is pretty standard practice for that type of role. One chap in particular had his first child 5 months ago, and was able to take both the wife and son across the Atlantic for a fortnight. It makes his time away even more enjoyable for having the family with him (keeping out of the way of work, of course), and they appreciate sharing in those experiences.