Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la, la la la la. (changed title)

DUTR

blaque*angel wrote: »

I wish people on here were more sensitive aT times, always unnecessary ganging up

That is the fashion of this and the CSA board

tescobabe69

blaque*angel wrote: »

I wish people on here were more sensitive aT times, always unnecessary ganging up

Or if some were less sensitive.

meg72

Have b een looking at this post for two days, wondering . will it help, maybe make a difference, help someone. Decided I would. and would like to say. let anger go, it only hurts you, makes you less able to cope

ab.da54

aliasojo wrote: »

Morning all.

I've done it again. I reacted and ranted. I set myself up as an easy target half the time.

None of you know background, history, ex or I, so with respect, a lot of the advice is moot.

I think I need to take a wee break from MSE as I do tend to use this place as an outlet a little too much when I feel upset and I suffer for it afterwards.

I have to be honest and say I found some of the comments quite hurtful. My ex largely ignored this son for years whilst favouring the one without learning disabilities. He thought nothing of getting him out his bed at 1am when he was young to throw him and I out literally into the street simply because I came home from watching dvd's at a friend's house (with my brother) after midnight. I was not drinking, I was in a house with family one street away. It was an arranged night that just overran a little. He threw things around the house and hit son with an ironing board in the process. The Police came and he wanted them to take me away. Needless to say they told him to calm down and shut up or they'd take him away.

This was only one incident in a string of many. He had little concern for son back then or now.

So in answer to tescobabe, we split because I would not let him control me and I hated the way he treated the eldest. But don't let any of the realities get in the way of having a good dig, will you. I may have played a part in this situation developing and I accept that, but I did it with the best of intentions to help my son. At least I can put my hand on my heart and honestly say I'm a good person who tries to do the right thing (but may occasionally get it wrong). You are just a biatch who thinks it fine to give someone a kick on the passing. I know which one I'd rather be.

Anyway, dad ignores son's calls most of the time and when son visits him (irregularly, because Dad usually ignores him) he leaves him to his own devices and doesn't even make dinner etc. I have to send son with food sometimes. So yes, I hate this man but my actions are not bourne out of 'bitterness' as has been suggested but out of concern for my lad.

I have bent over backwards over the years to do all I can to keep a relationship going between son and dad. Son has seen dad shelling out £10k for a car for other son whilst he largely gets ignored or given £20 in a card. Son loves his dad regardless and I do what I can for his sake. Son asked his dad for the xbox this year and we were surprised when he agreed. It was perfectly clear what was to happen, there was no ambiguity in the situation.

Son's learning disabilities mean that his emotions are stronger than his reasoning and I didn't want him to feel sad on Xmas day if the xbox wasn't there for him, especially since his brother already had his present from dad. Yes, I understand some of you think it was wrong to intervene. I take that on board.

Anyway, I'm beginning to justify why I did what I did and I shouldn't really do that with strangers, some of whom are really only interested in having a go. I really don't understand why some of you are so damned horrible.

Btw, the end result of the xbox thing was that ex did take it back and he did send the £200 down with middle one (who I suspect had a part to play in this happening).

Yes a lesson has been learned. I will not be getting involved again.

Thanks to those who were reasonable in their replies.

Many people reading this do so without knowledge of previous issues and that can be a good thing, because people can then be objective in their replies.

You posted on an open forum and, as such, you will receive varying responses - some which side with your line of thinking and some which won't.

Spitting the dummy now, because you have received replies that don't agree with your train of thought, just uses up unnecessary energy.

The issue has been resolved - the dad kindly took the item back and sent the money instead. You have taken a few things on board and can set aside those that are 'moot' as they are irrelevant to your situation.

All in all, though, the dad doesn't appear to be as bad as you made him with regards this situation. However bad he was in the past was irrelevant to the replies with regards what had gone on here and now.

Dad said one thing, probably thought he was doing a good deed by buying the xbox, realised what had happened, took xbox back and sent the money he had agreed to. Doesn't make him a bad person in this instance but I understand why you feel the way you do because of past instances.

All's well that ends well, though.

ab.da54

tescobabe69 wrote: »

Or if some were less sensitive.

Agree.

The sarcastic comments stating how people should always remember it's the mothers fault, irrespective, are pointless.

It's not always the mother's fault.
It's not always the father's fault.
Sometimes it's the mother's fault.
Sometimes it's the father's fault and
sometimes, it's no-one's fault. Just a misunderstanding.

Spitting the dummy wastes so much energy.

Edinburghlass_2

DUTR wrote: »

That is the fashion of this and the CSA board

It may be your fashion but it isn't mine.

DUTR

Edinburghlass wrote: »

It may be your fashion but it isn't mine.

I didn't say it was my fashion either, woops sorry I'm a bloke so have a dig! I must be wrong with my obervations

aliasojo

ab.da54 wrote: »

Spitting the dummy now, because you have received replies that don't agree with your train of thought, just uses up unnecessary energy.

Ah.... here's the 'usual' reply when someone isn't willing to accept all that is said.

Please point out exactly where I 'spat out the dummy'?

Have any of my replies been unfair? Have I refused to take any of the comment on board?

I responded to decry unjust and inaccurate comment and also to expand some points with more info.

It's called discussion in my book. If you can honestly and fairly describe this as spitting out the dummy then clearly you and I are of different mind generally and as such will never agree.

seven-day-weekend

So really just a failure in communication,maybe it might now be a good idea to change the thread title to reflect this?

Glad it's all sorted out now,

aliasojo

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

So really just a failure in communication,maybe it might now be a good idea to change the thread title to reflect this?

Glad it's all sorted out now,

Why? I still hate him. :rotfl:

Joke! I've changed it. :D