Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la, la la la la. (changed title)

esmerelda98

aliasojo wrote: »

Morning all.

I've done it again. I reacted and ranted. I set myself up as an easy target half the time.

None of you know background, history, ex or I, so with respect, a lot of the advice is moot. Your feelings about your ex are your business, but you are judging his behaviour on this occasion with all the hurts of the past weighing on your mind. As a result, you have come to conclusions most other people would not have come to.

I think I need to take a wee break from MSE as I do tend to use this place as an outlet a little too much when I feel upset and I suffer for it afterwards. I agree you should post these sort of personal threads less. The last time you were badly stung I really thought we would notice your absence, but no.

I have to be honest and say I found some of the comments quite hurtful. My ex largely ignored this son for years whilst favouring the one without learning disabilities. He thought nothing of getting him out his bed at 1am when he was young to throw him and I out literally into the street simply because I came home from watching dvd's at a friend's house (with my brother) after midnight. I was not drinking, I was in a house with family one street away. It was an arranged night that just overran a little. He threw things around the house and hit son with an ironing board in the process. The Police came and he wanted them to take me away. Needless to say they told him to calm down and shut up or they'd take him away.

This was only one incident in a string of many. He had little concern for son back then or now. I appreciate you acted in your son's best interests, and I believe only one or two posters suggested otherwise, but the conversation/agreement did not involve you. Indeed considering the difficult relationship with your ex I would have thought you would adopt a 'Let's wait and see' policy. He hardly bothers with this son, but on one of the few occasions he does, you have managed to put him in the 'wrong'.

So in answer to tescobabe, we split because I would not let him control me and I hated the way he treated the eldest. But don't let any of the realities get in the way of having a good dig, will you. I may have played a part in this situation developing and I accept that, but I did it with the best of intentions to help my son. At least I can put my hand on my heart and honestly say I'm a good person who tries to do the right thing (but may occasionally get it wrong). You are just a biatch who thinks it fine to give someone a kick on the passing. I know which one I'd rather be.

Anyway, dad ignores son's calls most of the time and when son visits him (irregularly, because Dad usually ignores him) he leaves him to his own devices and doesn't even make dinner etc. I have to send son with food sometimes. So yes, I hate this man but my actions are not bourne out of 'bitterness' as has been suggested but out of concern for my lad.

I have bent over backwards over the years to do all I can to keep a relationship going between son and dad. Son has seen dad shelling out £10k for a car for other son whilst he largely gets ignored or given £20 in a card. Son loves his dad regardless and I do what I can for his sake. Son asked his dad for the xbox this year and we were surprised when he agreed. It was perfectly clear what was to happen, there was no ambiguity in the situation. Have you never changed your mind? Done something on the spur of the moment? What was wanted was an X-box, and that's what he provided.

Son's learning disabilities mean that his emotions are stronger than his reasoning and I didn't want him to feel sad on Xmas day if the xbox wasn't there for him, especially since his brother already had his present from dad. Yes, I understand some of you think it was wrong to intervene. I take that on board.

Anyway, I'm beginning to justify why I did what I did and I shouldn't really do that with strangers, some of whom are really only interested in having a go. I really don't understand why some of you are so damned horrible.

Btw, the end result of the xbox thing was that ex did take it back and he did send the £200 down with middle one (who I suspect had a part to play in this happening). This is the decent thing for him to do. I'm not sure whether you asked him to start off with, or waited for him to offer and he didn't, but to be honest, in an acrimonious relationship like this, I am not surprised that he didn't want to go out of his way to help you.

Yes a lesson has been learned. I will not be getting involved again.

Thanks to those who were reasonable in their replies.

........................................

skintandscared_2

January20 wrote: »

The son - although 28 - has learning difficulties. I have no idea what they are but it could be the reason why the OP wanted her son to have something to open from his Dad on Christmas day? Or are people missing that bit on purpose to have a better go at the OP?

I have absolutely no idea why having learning difficulties makes it any different to receive a present 24 hours later.

esmerelda98

January20 wrote: »

The son - although 28 - has learning difficulties. I have no idea what they are but it could be the reason why the OP wanted her son to have something to open from his Dad on Christmas day? Or are people missing that bit on purpose to have a better go at the OP?

Somehow I have got the impression that her son is quite 'high functioning'. It may be that I'm mixing him up with his brother, but I do remember two threads by the OP where she didn't make allowances for his disabilities in the way some other posters expected she would. They have certainly contributed to my impression that his behaviour is more that of a young adult with difficulties in certain areas, than that of a child.

In any case, it seems that her son was quite aware that the X-box would not be bought by Christmas, if the cash was being brought down by the younger son just before. I do appreciate she was trying to do something good for her son, but it doesn't make his father, on this occasion, a baddie.

Spendless

FBaby wrote: »

I read the OP, and it was very clear that it was about what dad told son and the agreement between son and mum, so a potential for confusion was very much a possibility, especially if son has learning difficulties.

This is what the OP says. No need for confusion anywhere. Ex agreed to give £200 and later HE admitted he'd changed his mind and went and got the xbox. HE was the one that didn't tell anyone he'd done this.

aliasojo wrote: »

This is a rant!!! I am angry! I will not be writing in a calm fashion!

Stop reading now if you're offended by rants!!!!!

I haven't had anything to do with him in years but I'd forgotten just how much I hated him. :mad:

He's lived alone since we split 15 years ago, and is as tight as .....whatever the tightest thing is you can think of! So years of saving his money means he's absolutely loaded (middle one saw his bank statement one day).

He will spend money if it suits him but mostly he would make an excuse not to pay for something.

Anyway, eldest asked him for an Xbox 360. Very surprisingly, he agreed and said he would give him £200 to pay for it. Middle one is driving down to spend Xmas with us so it was arranged that he was going to pick up the cash and bring it with him.

So that eldest would have his new 'toy' for Xmas day, I bought the xbox and wrapped it as if it was from his Dad and put it under the tree. The agreement was that son gave me the money back when it arrived. The box was opened and the console checked and the game that came with it was given to someone else for Xmas as son already had it and he wanted to give the duplicate to a particular person.

Middle one has just phoned to say he's not picking up cash after all but an xbox 360. I thought he'd got that wrong so I phoned ex to clarify.

Ex agreed he had stated he was sending £200 cash but he said he changed his mind and bought the xbox instead. I asked why he didn't tell son the change of plans as we had already bought the xbox for him so he could have it to open.

'Oh well', says OH.

I don't even think it's the same version so I can't even try to take it back under my receipt. I can't take back the one I bought because it's been opened and split.

I'm £200 quid down just because I tried to make sure son had his present to open on Xmas morning and his Dad changed the goalposts without telling anyone. :mad: He's completely unconcerned and accepts no responsibility for the situation at all.

OH is going to hit the roof when he finds out. We've had years of ex being an uncommunicative and undependable !!!!!! but all has been uneventful over the last few years so we were lulled into a false sense of security. OH has been working every extra shift he can get, so we have extra money for Xmas and our debt. He's going to be less than pleased to hear we're out by £200.

AND my chilli burned whilst I was on the phone! Beans on flipping toast for tea!!

Aaaarrrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad: < Just feel like that!

DUTR

Spendless wrote: »

This is what the OP says. No need for confusion anywhere. Ex agreed to give £200 and later HE admitted he'd changed his mind and went and got the xbox. HE was the one that didn't tell anyone he'd done this.

Aye, but to his credit, it is all resolved now in favour of the OP :j
Perhaps it was just xmas stress, as the chilli got burnt, and the thread was started by this is a rant, so all in all a good thread :cool:

mrcow

AJ - glad it's all sorted. Just the sort of stress you don't need.

For future threads, you may wish to remember:

1. It's all your fault.
2. If you ever forget that, don't worry, there are many on here who will never tire of reminding you in the most personal ways possible.

I hope that you all had a lovely Christmas Day with your loved ones and are having a peaceful Boxing Day.

January20

skintandscared wrote: »

I have absolutely no idea why having learning difficulties makes it any different to receive a present 24 hours later.

Actually the OP said her son had "learning disabilities" (my mistake). And you really can't imagine how that could affect the situation? Really? I don't want to be nasty but perhaps you should go and do some reading? Starting with #59 of this thread where the OP explain it?

blaque*angel

Glad it worked out OP XXXXX

blaque*angel

I wish people on here were more sensitive aT times, always unnecessary ganging up

DUTR

mrcow wrote: »

AJ - glad it's all sorted. Just the sort of stress you don't need.

For future threads, you may wish to remember:

1. It's all your fault.
2. If you ever forget that, don't worry, there are many on here who will never tire of reminding you in the most personal ways possible.

I hope that you all had a lovely Christmas Day with your loved ones and are having a peaceful Boxing Day.

I disagree, and I would equally disagree when it's all the bloke's fault too.
At the end of the day, it would not matter who's fault it is, the item required was recieved and in time (all be it 2 off)