Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la, la la la la. (changed title)

MrsE_2

Bronnie wrote: »

..........whilst it's meant best for the kids, it's actually dad's responsibility to ensure his pressie is there for Christmas Day (or birthdays). In fact this time he managed it! If he didn't then so be it. Your kids will form their own judgements in time.

Time (especially after 15 years) to detach oneself from this. Don't get yourself involved. You take care of your side and stop propping up what is his parental responsibility.

Hope you manage to resolve matters ...all the best :xmassmile
xx

This is my thinking, I just wouldn't have got involved in it.
The son would have had a present(s) from me & could wait till the boxing day sale if need be to buy the dad present.

skintandscared_2

Sorry but I'm failing to see what the dad has done wrong here? The OP took it upon themselves to control the situation. The pressie was from Dad to Son, and that part was fulfilled. Why did it HAVE to be there on Christmas morning?

OP, your ex and your son now have a relationship which is separate from the relationship between you and your son. Leave them to it. If your ex is going to "mess up", let him, but it looks to me like he's doing what he should do. You didn't even need to get involved in this pressie situation, it was nothing to do with you. I'd stick the spare on ebay and get what I could for it.

Marisco

Moral of the story, don't buy anything 'till you have the cash in hand

Edinburghlass_2

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

your just making this up as you go along now!

the ex bought the xbox and gave it to his son before the op bought her one.

youre suggesting that as well as the xbox that he was asked for, and has paid for and given to his son, the ex should also be paying for the op!

for gods sake woman! your so blinded by your hatred of men that you cant see the wood for the trees!

Its such a shame and you can't actually read what has been written and that you have to bring your argument with another user into this thread.

Not just you I might add, it seems that several people have had a bit too much sherry over the festive season to be able to read what is posted.

Hey ho, nice to to see that the spirit of Christmas is pervading MSE in abundance

Spendless

To anyone thinking it was a mix up of communication I suggest they read the opening post again about what the ex said and agreed to.

Regardless I hope you realise by now aliasojo that whatever happened it is all YOUR fault.

Personally i think it should be a sticky at the top. 'To all mums, regardless of what you are going to post about it from sleepless babies to stroppy teens the bottom line is it is all your fault' Might save people having to post.

January20

skintandscared wrote: »

Sorry but I'm failing to see what the dad has done wrong here? The OP took it upon themselves to control the situation. The pressie was from Dad to Son, and that part was fulfilled. Why did it HAVE to be there on Christmas morning?

The son - although 28 - has learning difficulties. I have no idea what they are but it could be the reason why the OP wanted her son to have something to open from his Dad on Christmas day? Or are people missing that bit on purpose to have a better go at the OP?

aliasojo

Morning all.

I've done it again. I reacted and ranted. I set myself up as an easy target half the time.

None of you know background, history, ex or I, so with respect, a lot of the advice is moot.

I think I need to take a wee break from MSE as I do tend to use this place as an outlet a little too much when I feel upset and I suffer for it afterwards.

I have to be honest and say I found some of the comments quite hurtful. My ex largely ignored this son for years whilst favouring the one without learning disabilities. He thought nothing of getting him out his bed at 1am when he was young to throw him and I out literally into the street simply because I came home from watching dvd's at a friend's house (with my brother) after midnight. I was not drinking, I was in a house with family one street away. It was an arranged night that just overran a little. He threw things around the house and hit son with an ironing board in the process. The Police came and he wanted them to take me away. Needless to say they told him to calm down and shut up or they'd take him away.

This was only one incident in a string of many. He had little concern for son back then or now.

So in answer to tescobabe, we split because I would not let him control me and I hated the way he treated the eldest. But don't let any of the realities get in the way of having a good dig, will you. I may have played a part in this situation developing and I accept that, but I did it with the best of intentions to help my son. At least I can put my hand on my heart and honestly say I'm a good person who tries to do the right thing (but may occasionally get it wrong). You are just a biatch who thinks it fine to give someone a kick on the passing. I know which one I'd rather be.

Anyway, dad ignores son's calls most of the time and when son visits him (irregularly, because Dad usually ignores him) he leaves him to his own devices and doesn't even make dinner etc. I have to send son with food sometimes. So yes, I hate this man but my actions are not bourne out of 'bitterness' as has been suggested but out of concern for my lad.

I have bent over backwards over the years to do all I can to keep a relationship going between son and dad. Son has seen dad shelling out £10k for a car for other son whilst he largely gets ignored or given £20 in a card. Son loves his dad regardless and I do what I can for his sake. Son asked his dad for the xbox this year and we were surprised when he agreed. It was perfectly clear what was to happen, there was no ambiguity in the situation.

Son's learning disabilities mean that his emotions are stronger than his reasoning and I didn't want him to feel sad on Xmas day if the xbox wasn't there for him, especially since his brother already had his present from dad. Yes, I understand some of you think it was wrong to intervene. I take that on board.

Anyway, I'm beginning to justify why I did what I did and I shouldn't really do that with strangers, some of whom are really only interested in having a go. I really don't understand why some of you are so damned horrible.

Btw, the end result of the xbox thing was that ex did take it back and he did send the £200 down with middle one (who I suspect had a part to play in this happening).

Yes a lesson has been learned. I will not be getting involved again.

Thanks to those who were reasonable in their replies.

DUTR

aliasojo wrote: »

Morning all.

I've done it again. I reacted and ranted. I set myself up as an easy target half the time.

None of you know background, history, ex or I, so with respect, a lot of the advice is moot.

I think I need to take a wee break from MSE as I do tend to use this place as an outlet a little too much when I feel upset and I suffer for it afterwards.

I have to be honest and say I found some of the comments quite hurtful. My ex largely ignored this son for years whilst favouring the one without learning disabilities. He thought nothing of getting him out his bed at 1am when he was young to throw him and I out literally into the street simply because I came home from watching dvd's at a friend's house (with my brother) after midnight. I was not drinking, I was in a house with family one street away. It was an arranged night that just overran a little. He threw things around the house and hit son with an ironing board in the process. The Police came and he wanted them to take me away. Needless to say they told him to calm down and shut up or they'd take him away.

This was only one incident in a string of many. He had little concern for son back then or now.

So in answer to tescobabe, we split because I would not let him control me and I hated the way he treated the eldest. But don't let any of the realities get in the way of having a good dig, will you. I may have played a part in this situation developing and I accept that, but I did it with the best of intentions to help my son. At least I can put my hand on my heart and honestly say I'm a good person who tries to do the right thing (but may occasionally get it wrong). You are just a biatch who thinks it fine to give someone a kick on the passing. I know which one I'd rather be.

Anyway, dad ignores son's calls most of the time and when son visits him (irregularly, because Dad usually ignores him) he leaves him to his own devices and doesn't even make dinner etc. I have to send son with food sometimes. So yes, I hate this man but my actions are not bourne out of 'bitterness' as has been suggested but out of concern for my lad.

I have bent over backwards over the years to do all I can to keep a relationship going between son and dad. Son has seen dad shelling out £10k for a car for other son whilst he largely gets ignored or given £20 in a card. Son loves his dad regardless and I do what I can for his sake. Son asked his dad for the xbox this year and we were surprised when he agreed. It was perfectly clear what was to happen, there was no ambiguity in the situation.

Son's learning disabilities mean that his emotions are stronger than his reasoning and I didn't want him to feel sad on Xmas day if the xbox wasn't there for him, especially since his brother already had his present from dad. Yes, I understand some of you think it was wrong to intervene. I take that on board.

Anyway, I'm beginning to justify why I did what I did and I shouldn't really do that with strangers, some of whom are really only interested in having a go. I really don't understand why some of you are so damned horrible.

Btw, the end result of the xbox thing was that ex did take it back and he did send the £200 down with middle one (who I suspect had a part to play in this happening).

Yes a lesson has been learned. I will not be getting involved again.

Thanks to those who were reasonable in their replies.

Glad it's all sorted now, he does not seem as bad as 1st portraid now, but all in all, it's a win win win situation :beer:

catch_me_if_you_can

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Many many years ago the exact same thing happened to me.

My ex agreed to give me the money for a sinclair spectrum computer for my 7 year old (anyone remember them?). [snip]
That was 42 years ago.

42 years ago? erm I'm 42 and I remember the Sinclair Spectrum being released in roughly 1981/1982 (we got the ZX81 woooooo! ) please don't tell me that I'm a lot older than I thought I was! :eek::p :rotfl:


OP glad it got resolved in the end.

FBaby

Spendless wrote: »

To anyone thinking it was a mix up of communication I suggest they read the opening post again about what the ex said and agreed to.

Regardless I hope you realise by now aliasojo that whatever happened it is all YOUR fault.

Personally i think it should be a sticky at the top. 'To all mums, regardless of what you are going to post about it from sleepless babies to stroppy teens the bottom line is it is all your fault' Might save people having to post.

I read the OP, and it was very clear that it was about what dad told son and the agreement between son and mum, so a potential for confusion was very much a possibility, especially if son has learning difficulties.

Also, i really don't understand why it became an issue in the first place. OP posted on Christmas eve PM telling about what had happened. That means that her son stopped at his dad at a time when he still very much could have gone to the shop and bought the xbox in time to have it the following day, so why go about to buy it herself so it would be there in the morning? Don't understand this.

OP, you might have excellent reasons to hate your ex and feel bitter, but that's not what this post was about, it was about a particular incident that you let get yourself very angry, putting all the blame on the ex because of his past. I too have issues with my ex, getting abuse when I ask for the money he agreed was reasonable to pay monthly (way under CSA and so far, only paid twice....) because he doesn't have money and it's not his faut, but then spoilt the kids rotten for Christmas to make himself look like a perfect dad to their eyes, it's infuriating, but I've made a pact with myself not to let any further incidents to make me even more bitter towards him because the line between justified anger and fuelled anger is very thin and it does no good to anyone.