My dad died yesterday.

NickyBat

So sorry to hear this Merlin, at least your Dad is in a much better place now. Stay strong.

BitterAndTwisted

Crikey O'Reilly

Mere words cannot express my sympathy and dismay at what has happened to your lovely Dad. And to you and your family.

My Mum died some years ago and we were all at her bedside with her in her final moments after a very long illness. It was bloody harsh in a way that defied description. There were aspects of her care that fell so short of what it should have been I felt like setting fire to the hospital at the time. And punching some of those nurses in the face.

She died on December the 23rd and this date is an extremely difficult day for us and we all meet together and or phone each other on this most terrible anniversary. Christmas has forever been tainted by that first Christmas.

The only thing I can think of in mitigation for the nursing-staff on leaving you and your Dada is out of respect for you and a wish to leave you undisturbed in your grief. It could have been different and they could have started meddling with his body after the final event like they did my Ma's.

The one thing that I can promise you is that the pain and anger you feel now will over time diminish slightly.

Please consider doing what we could not is to write to the hospital and put into words exactly what happened and how you feel they failed you and your Dad. I bloody wish to God that we had felt able to do that ourselves at the time. I honestly think now, all this time later that it would have helped to diminish the grief and guilt we felt and still do.

God bless you, Angel.

merlin68

We had the same episolon. Sat night he was threatening to kill himself as he was in so much pain. They did operate eventually and removed a blood clot the size of a football.
Then they decided they were doing nothing more for him and removed the oxygen and blood transfusion. Transeferred him to a single room and started the morphine.
Cancer is a horrible way to die.

BitterAndTwisted

patchwork_cat wrote: »

One of my friends who is an experienced nurse has said that with the introduction of degrees in nursing and the changes in the roles of nurses there is no one to do the old fashioned nursing, the caring for people. It is supposed to be a role that the health-care assistants are taking on, but she says in her experience they aren't.

You are absolutely correct. My sister is a nurse and says the same thing.

The nurses on my own mother's ward said they were run ragged but whenever we wanted to find one for something important they were alway gossiping, laughing and joking in the nurses office. We could hear them and other patients were wanting and needing attention every time we were there. Some of the patients were being attended to by me and my two sisters. I fed a number of them who couldn't manage on their own. as well as walking down there when people were crying out in pain and nobody came The three of us were provided some parts of nursing-care to our Mum which was so vital to her care and so distressing to us to provide that I cannot describe them here.

I've told both of my sisters that I never, ever want to go through that again with either of them. I'd rather have an assisted death by a method and at a time of my own choosing. I've already got the drugs salted away for that purpose if and when I need them. I just wish to God that I have access to them and am able to take them them if and when I have to.

With the coming cuts on the near horizon and the gradual privatisations likely "God help us all and every one"is all I can say.

I'm sorry if this diatribe is inappropriate in this thread, I really am.

motherofstudents

Oh, my heart goes out to you and your family. It is bad enough when you lose someone but to have suffered like you all did is unforgivable. My dad died on Boxing day a few years ago and I couldn't complain at his treatment. When he passed away, the nurse who had been looking after him cried and kissed him. In my opinion she was a real nurse. My lovely mum died in May this year and she died from hospital acquired pneumonia so of course we blamed ourselves for phoning the ambulance. She was treated exceptionally well and with respect, the staff could not have been better so it shows that it can be done properly. I agree with others that you should make a formal complaint with future patients in mind. No-one can hurt your dad now but you must be reeling so all I can say is, look after yourselves. Bereavement is a terrible thing, you feel in a physical state of shock. You will begin to feel better in time because you couldn't live with that amount of pain, that's what my mum told me. This is our first Christmas without her. I do hope you achieve some improvement at the hospital but most of all I hope you can find some peace now and in the future.

shellsuit

Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry, how awful for your poor Dad and for you and your family

The way your Dad was treated was shocking, I can't even comprehend what he had to go through and what you had to witness.

I'd try and take it easy for now, but come New Year, roll those sleeves up and fight the hospital xxxxxxxxxxxx

victory

I am sorry for your loss.

SandC

I'm so sorry for your loss Merlin.

My father was treated wonderfully by the staff at the hospital when he passed away a couple of years ago. I can't begin to imagine how distressed you must be at the appalling experience he and your family have had.

adea

Very sorry to hear of your loss Merlin.

Justicia

My condolences to you and your family.