My dad died yesterday.

meg72

So so sorry Merlin.I know from experience that nothing anyone says eases the pain but would like to send you a hug. May I suggest that you write down now everything that occured,who you spoke too, what time and how long it took for them to respond.I suggest you do this now, although you wont feel like it, but from my experience you may find it harder in a week or so to remember exactly.

Get your sister to do the same.having all the info ready helps when makinga complaint.

I wont wish you Merry Christmas, as it cant be that for you but I wish you love and a little peace
to ease your pain.

janey183

Im so sorry for your loss.
My dad passed away a few months ago and I too was with him at the end.
I would defo write a letter about the treatment you received (or not) Its just not on.
He should have been on something called "The Liverpool Pathway" which ensures all terminal patients are treated with dignity at the end and that thier passing is as painless and smooth as can possibly be.
The next few months will be very difficult for you and your family, but you will get through it.
Be strong xxx

lisaf

So sorry for your loss Merlin x

patchwork_cat

Oh Merlin I am so sorry for what you have and are going through. Unfortunately your story does not surprise me. I have heard some terrible stories of negligence lately. The question that must be asked is is this a result of government cuts or apathy and lack of caring on behalf of nurses. I think it is a combination of both.

One of my friends who is an experienced nurse has said that with the introduction of degrees in nursing and the changes in the roles of nurses there is no one to do teh old fashioned nursing, the caring for people. It is supposed to be a role that the healthcare assistants are taking on, but she says in her experience they aren't.

epsilondraconis

Merlin68, the same thing happened to our family. It was an absolute nightmare.

My dad was also in agony because the morphine levels were too low. After numerous discussions with the staff, it turned out that they didn't want to increase the dose too much because it could kill him and there would be an investigation etc. The fact that my dad was crying out in pain and asked us to shoot him, didn't change their stance at all.

In the end I threatened to disconnect the morphine pump myself and give him what he needed. There were various other events as well that I won't go into.

I should say at no point was any of our family discourteous to the staff, all we wanted was a reasonable level of care and for dad not to be in pain.

All of this occured after dad spent one night at our house and woke up in absolute agony. We called for an ambulance and the quick response unit arrived. When we discussed with him the cancer situation, he said the best thing to do is for him to stay at our house. Dad was sweating profusely and was in a lot of pain and yet they didn't seem to want to do anything. The guy spoke to the lady at the hospital responsible for palliative care and she sided with the guy saying that she felt it best that dad stayed with us. It took over two hours to convince them that he needed to go into hospital because there was clearly something very wrong. I threatened to call another ambulance and only then did they take him into hospital. When he got to hospital they examined him and found he had a perforated bowel and they needed to operate immediately.

All of this happened 2 years ago and even now I'm getting angry as I type this.

You may think that I'm some kind of nutter or control freak; however I'm actually quite normal. In all of the cirucmstances, I could understand why the medical profession were saying / doing the things they were, its just that it wasn't the correct decision. It was only when I calming but ascertively told them the action I would take unless certain events occured that things improved slightly.

We chose not to make a complaint in the end simply because none of the staff were negligent. The closest they came to it was not setting the morphine to a level that would stop the pain; however they were concerned over the implications of that and whether an investigation would occur if he died on the ward with very high morphine levels in his system.

The one thing I've learnt from all of this is that you shouldn't simply believe the views of the medical profession if you're not convinced their decision is right. OK we shouldn't end up being doctors with training from the internet, but sometimes your gut feeling is the correct one to go with.

So sorry OP you went through all of that. The only advice I can offer is that you shoudl try to focus on the good times you had with your dad and try to forget what happened at the end. Holding onto the anger doesn't do you any good. All you'll do is hate everyone and forget the good times that you had with your father.

princessdreamer

Sorry for your loss, it is such an awful illness and so sad that he was not treated with respect at the end. at least he is at peace now, I know that is little comfort (((hugs)))

littlewren

I am so sorry for your loss Merlin, I will be thinking of you at this sad time xx

lollyb84

No advice to offer, but just wanted to express my condolances. So sorry for your loss. xx

jayII

I'm so sorry for your loss and that he had to suffer so much at the end.

londonsurrey

I'm so very sorry.