naughty children

outofmoney

CHRISSYG wrote: »

outofmoney wrote: »

Mupette, this is what my son was like. He was not naughty but would never settle in class. He likes to have attention all the time so was constantly back and forth to the teacher and could just not sit still in class.

another parent seeing this might see your child as being naughty !

They could but going back and forth to the teacher is hardly naughty when compared to how some behave.

I'm not saying it is acceptable. We have major problems with him because of the fact he constantly demands attention but so far no parent or teacher has said he is naughty. In fact they always praise his behaviour.

mummytofour

The problem is many emotional difficulties look like ADHD or Autistic spectrum conditions. Likewise many children who would seem to have emotional difficulties due to poor parenting actually have ADHD or ASC. I have kids with ADHD and ASC I have worked in with ADHD ASC kids and I am now working with emotionally and sexually abused children many many traits are shared but all the groups. Children's behaviour is very very complicated and there is not often one simple answer. Perhaps instead of judging the parents you could offer support? Becasue whatever the reason for the children's challenging behaviour the more supported the parents feel the more able they will be able to parent.

unhappyphone

zaksmum wrote: »

You wouldn't have been allowed to get away with any ADHD or whatever it's called in my class at school many years ago! Your feet wouldn't have touched the ground if you had the temerity to even THINK about misbehaving...!

Yes, and we used to live in caves, women used to be tied to the kitchen, we beat our children into silence and people died of curable illnesses.

Clearly that's what we should go back to, !!!!!!!! to actually understanding our children or moving on as a society.

Richie-from-the-Boro

unhappyphone wrote: »

Yes, and we used to live in caves, women used to be tied to the kitchen, we beat our children into silence and people died of curable illnesses.

Clearly that's what we should go back to, !!!!!!!! to actually understanding our children or moving on as a society.

- you know what, I've read that recently .. .. oh yes ! I've remembered its precisely the Conservative Party Manifesto

- I knew I'd seen it writ large somewhere .. ..

bestpud

I don't like to judge any parent after a one off incident as we all have our off days, but we all know there are bad parents out there and some will have children with ADHD.

I've noticed many times with these threads that some parents of children with ADHD are very defensive and see observations as a personal attack. Really they need to step back from the thread and stop trying to defend every parent with a child who has ADHD. I see comments about poor parenting skills all the time but I don't decide they are about me just because I have children!

I know parents who use labels to excuse their poor parenting skills and feed their children coke and sweets while wondering why they are climbing the walls. They may have ADHD but their crap diet isn't helping their symptoms, that's for sure.

I also know some with children either diagnosed, or going through the process, and they do a fabulous job in challenging circumstances.

I don't believe any child should be left to act as they please, no matter what diagnosis they have tbh. We all need to ensure our behaviour is reasonable and it is doing them a great disservice to say they cannot respond to any form of correction.

System

the op says he /she knows the family well so is either a friend or deals with this family in some "professional" role , so op are you a back stabbing "friend" or an unprofessional professional ?

outofmoney

bestpud wrote: »

I don't believe any child should be left to act as they please, no matter what diagnosis they have tbh. We all need to ensure our behaviour is reasonable and it is doing them a great disservice to say they cannot respond to any form of correction.

This was my point in an earlier post, when we were told our child couldn't be autistic because he behaved and did not scream all the time.

The reason is because we still discipline him and he still has boundaries. In fact for many children with difficulties, boundaries are so much more important because there is usually no grey areas, everything is black or white.

A child with ADHD will have problems concentrating, problems sitting still and even problems doing as told at times, but it is up to the parents to try and manage that behaviour.

tomjonesrules

blessings3 wrote: »

Tomjonesrules (which he does of course!) - I don't want to get in a bun fight but one parent (who has gone from having boys to boy) does not a system make and most CHAMS, if they are over stretched just refuse to take the case, as if they diagnose there is a lot of money and time involved as most HA have standardised processes, which in themselves tend to be very stringent as a diagnosis is seen as a gate keeper to other services and benefits. I would see under diagnosis and therefore non treatment and therapys as a much bigger problem. The fraud for DLA is said by the gov to be the lowest of any benefit. And trying to get dla for just adhd is virtually impossible it is only usually given for adhd comorbid with asd/cp etc. Do you know she has a formal diagnosis and dla or just someone who says she has ?

I did specify that I have experienced examples of those with quite legitimate problems who have been unable to access the right help, as well as those who play the system.

In the case I highlighted they have had a formal diagnosis, but no longer keep their CAMHS appts as the mother has what she set out for - a DLA award (HRC, LRM) that funds her collection of Pandora bracelets, and entitlement to CA so she doesn't have to get a job.

CHRISSYG wrote: »

and you are a disgraceful example of a human being ! mind your own business and let this lady deal with her child how she sees fit

Some intervention from CAMHS etc might give that child a chance for a successful adulthood. Without this there is no doubt that the only way he is going is young offenders.

People 'minding their own business' led to riots this summer. I'll always choose to speak up than see something like that happen again.

System

tomjonesrules wrote: »

I did specify that I have experienced examples of those with quite legitimate problems who have been unable to access the right help, as well as those who play the system.

In the case I highlighted they have had a formal diagnosis, but no longer keep their CAMHS appts as the mother has what she set out for - a DLA award (HRC, LRM) that funds her collection of Pandora bracelets, and entitlement to CA so she doesn't have to get a job.



Some intervention from CAMHS etc might give that child a chance for a successful adulthood. Without this there is no doubt that the only way he is going is young offenders.

People 'minding their own business' led to riots this summer. I'll always choose to speak up than see something like that happen again.

my dd was diagnosed asd DEC 31st 2010 ,once the dx was formally given she was "discharged" and has had no other help from CAMHS.
I seriously doubt that was the cause of the riots ! more like mindless youths wanting stuff NOW .

Brassedoff

As others have said, this subject comes up every couple of months or so. Some of us know and have dealt with a range of kids with everything from ADD, ADHD through to full blown Asperger's.

Many who reply antagonistically to any suggestion their child is naughty need to step back and see it from outsiders point of view in the same manner as asking posters to try living in the parents shoes.

As I have previously said and in the start of my reply, yes, there are these conditions. I cannot believe for the life of me that it is hereditary. It would have manifested itself many years ago way beyond kids that were a bit strange or reclusive. Mind you, as some of the replies on here suggest, some of the parents replying clearly have a limited education. The spelling and grammar of their replies is an indicator. I accept like many other illnesses and conditions as science expands its knowledge, then many other conditions and illnesses will be identified and hopefully treated.

Having seen many kids with a range of conditions over the past 10+ years of voluntary work with kids from all backgrounds aged 3-18, I would put the following into place in all cases for children and parents. As there is a proven link that a higher proportions of claims come from poorer families1. I would make it a condition that anyone who are claiming for the range of illnesses from the minor cases of ADD, ADHD to Asperger's must attend mandatory parenting classes to get better help on how to cope. This would give all sides the chance to monitor progress and results. I would emphatically say DLA(Motability) not be converted into a vehicle, the kids would have assistance via an escorted bus/taxi to and from School and for treatment. Care allowance be paid only material assistance and in the form of vouchers, removing any cash from the equation.

By doing the above, you remove all financial motivation for “exaggerating” and guarantee the treatment is given at the “coal face” in a manner of speaking. I would do this for some other mental illnesses in adults too, depression would be a principal case. Why do this for mental illnesses and not cases of physical disabilities? Simple, you cannot face being in a wheelchair, on crutches or missing limbs. On the physical side I would say those with glass backs or without a full medical (Consultant and not ATOS) proving the disability the DLA/PIP should not be paid. GP’s, Physio’s or OT reports should carry no weight.