naughty children

tomjonesrules

fallen_angel_69 wrote: »

I ave 2 daughters one with Autisim and Adhd and the other one with Autisim and Hypermobilityand Pica The one with Autism and Adhd doesn't get Dla but the other one does The reason i pushed for a diagnosis was so they could get extra help in school which they were really strugglying with Now the extra help is given I have been to every parenting class and every meeting that has ever been offered to me so behaviour isn't always down to bad parenting alone it's down to a lot of other factors as well

I would swop you any day my child's Dla for her not having her problems and you having them instead You can then deal with struggling at school being bullied because your not ''normal'' and conform to other peoples standards of fitting in You can have the panic attacks of going out where there are large numbers of people ie not being able to sit in the school canteen due to people being in there You can be the one who can't stop impulses to do certain things you can be the one who has to take 50 mins showers twice a day you can be the one who thinks eating pens and anything else made of plastic

Or maybe you'd rather be me the parent Who goes to every parenting class that is offered to me The endless camhs and phsio appointments Maybe your boss will be happy with you having several phone calls a week at work like mine has gotten used to I'm really lucky i have a understanding boss and work in the medical proffesion so he has knowledge and has learnt a lot more since employing me Maybe your boss will understand when you burst into tears at the latest problem that has occured maybe he will understand why you have to run out of work to help find your daughter who has escaped from class and locked herself in toilets as she can't stand the noise the other children make or maybe a trip to a&e to have yet another x-ray to see wht she has eaten this time Or maybe try a food shop at asda after work that's fun all them people all that noise and glares from other passer's by and tut tutting from other people Maybe the lack of a social life will put you in a depression as you can't get a baysitter and if you go out you get stared at and dirty looks from judgemental people Trust me there are a awaful lot of people who judge your a bad parent just by looking at you for 2 mins

Let me know what your choice is carry on your life in your nice ivory tower being judge jury and excuetioner of me being a bad parent Or would you rather spend your life in mine and my daughter's shoes and get Dla for a couple of years I know what my choice would be Quite a simple choice really my daughter having no problems and me getting no Dla

Think about that before you judge me and unfortuneatley thousands of other parents like me I know many other parents who like me would give up everything and i mean everything to have a so called normal child

I don't think anyone is judging those with a genuine health condition - the OP and other examples referred to those who are blatantly playing the system.

fallen_angel_69

Sorry if i took it that way I see to many threads of bashing parents and saying it all down to bad parenting It people who play the system who give parents like me a bad name and i tend to get all defensive knowing there are so many parents who's children have a genuine disabilty If my daughter's were in wheelchairs i wouldn't be lumped in the same group as parents who play the systems Autisim and Adhd are hidden disabilties which is why we all get tarred with the same brush

blessings3

Tomjonesrules (which he does of course!) - I don't want to get in a bun fight but one parent (who has gone from having boys to boy) does not a system make and most CHAMS, if they are over stretched just refuse to take the case, as if they diagnose there is a lot of money and time involved as most HA have standardised processes, which in themselves tend to be very stringent as a diagnosis is seen as a gate keeper to other services and benefits. I would see under diagnosis and therefore non treatment and therapys as a much bigger problem. The fraud for DLA is said by the gov to be the lowest of any benefit. And trying to get dla for just adhd is virtually impossible it is only usually given for adhd comorbid with asd/cp etc. Do you know she has a formal diagnosis and dla or just someone who says she has ?

outofmoney

In the case of the family I know, I know the family well and have seen them in the home and how there is no discipline. The children hit the parents and basically do whatever they please. There has never really been any attempt to reprimand them. I also happen to have seen them in school since I worked with them. They can be a handful but their behaviour much better since there are consequences for not doing as told.

I am aware that for a diagnosis certain criteria must be met however my eldest was also diagnosed with ADHD and we did not agree with this. A couple of years on this diagnosis was reversed as it was accepted to be wrong. However had we not of argued the case he would still be viewed as a child with ADHD.

I agree that many children who are diagnosed ADHD do indeed have it but I will also say that just because a child does it does not mean they cannot be disciplined and should be allowed to behave as they like. Many parents who allow their children to behave like this are either making the situation worse or perhaps creating the situation to make it appear their child has problems. (Unknowingly of course)

Mupette

2 sides here for me, neighbour has 4 kids, all behave badley (so it seems to me) but the whole family shout at each other, the mother told me one of her children has adhd, i asked did he have a diagnosis from a consultant, she said no, no one had given her a diagnosis..

this made me think it was her bad parenting skills.. she really has no clue how to raise children

But on the other side, i have a child, who didn't have adhd, didn't play up, i wouldnt know what adhd is, as in i wouldnt know all the signs, i wouldnt be able to tell the difference between a naughty child and a child with adhd.

A friend recently told me her son had just been diagnosed with it, there is no reason for her to lie, the family work and claim no benefits and no dla, i've seen her little boy, hyper yes, very very chatty, naughty? i'd say needs to be reminded of his boundarys, nowhere near what the kids next door are like.

I think people these days dont believe a diagnosis of adhd because they dont have actual experience of a child with it.

outofmoney

Mupette, this is what my son was like. He was not naughty but would never settle in class. He likes to have attention all the time so was constantly back and forth to the teacher and could just not sit still in class. This is why he was diagnosed ADHD, which was later reversed. Nothing to do with his behaviour.

zaksmum

You wouldn't have been allowed to get away with any ADHD or whatever it's called in my class at school many years ago! Your feet wouldn't have touched the ground if you had the temerity to even THINK about misbehaving...!

yalisrib

Mupette wrote: »

2 sides here for me, neighbour has 4 kids, all behave badley (so it seems to me) but the whole family shout at each other, the mother told me one of her children has adhd, i asked did he have a diagnosis from a consultant, she said no, no one had given her a diagnosis..

this made me think it was her bad parenting skills.. she really has no clue how to raise children

But on the other side, i have a child, who didn't have adhd, didn't play up, i wouldnt know what adhd is, as in i wouldnt know all the signs, i wouldnt be able to tell the difference between a naughty child and a child with adhd.

A friend recently told me her son had just been diagnosed with it, there is no reason for her to lie, the family work and claim no benefits and no dla, i've seen her little boy, hyper yes, very very chatty, naughty? i'd say needs to be reminded of his boundarys, nowhere near what the kids next door are like.

I think people these days dont believe a diagnosis of adhd because they dont have actual experience of a child with it.

As a teacher, I have seen lots of kids - particulary boys - with ADHD and no matter what they do, they seem to have too much energy to know what to do with, yet with management they are able to get along fine - extra time outside, a small toy to fiddle with in assembly etc.
However I have also seen a lots of kids who are badly behaved and the problem is society. They go to school where they are expected to sit 'properly' at a table for hours and then spend half an hour in the playground where they cannot play football, skip or even run around due to health and safety (no exaggeration!). They then go home where they stay in all evening playing games because parents are terrified of the kids getting a cold if it is a little damp or getting abducted by Mr Pedo living at number 35.

System

tomjonesrules wrote: »

That's the thing, CAMHS are known to cut corners because they are so overstretched. A stringent assessment process only works when there are sufficient staff to make it happen.

All I have seen from the mother I describe is laughter when the child misbehaves, and it has been this way since he was born. If the school try to give her constructive feedback she blames them, and takes him to McDonalds for a treat. Her latest form of "bonding" with him is to teach him swear words, which he is able to take in and apply in context with no problem at all. Yes, I do roll my eyes at her, she is a disgraceful parent.

and you are a disgraceful example of a human being ! mind your own business and let this lady deal with her child how she sees fit

System

outofmoney wrote: »

Mupette, this is what my son was like. He was not naughty but would never settle in class. He likes to have attention all the time so was constantly back and forth to the teacher and could just not sit still in class.

another parent seeing this might see your child as being naughty !