naughty children

SingleSue

It has to be remembered that any child, whether they have ADHD, an ASD or nothing at all, will have naughty days...not everything can be 'excused' by whatever disability they have.

I must admit I do get annoyed by some parents of ASD children who rather than try to improve their child by working on modifying the behaviours, will pander to it instead...find queuing stressful? Make a big thing about it, so that the child will never learn to queue. Find going somewhere new stressful? Never go anywhere new and pander to the child.

I am always challenging their triggers, it is not easy and you have to build in coping mechanisms but it has set them up to be more able to deal with real life in the future.

24skins

Brassedoff wrote: »

This is a great post from someone who actually sees a wide range of those kids and not living in the bubble of their own ADHD problem child. Easily, you will no doubt be attacked by someone who wants to be on a PC crusade or from someone who will chirp in with a case way beyond what's being debated.

It's easier to have a go to stifle debate than allow debate itself.

I'd just like to point out that I am an Education Support Officer with responsibility for children with Additional Support Needs in mainstream education and that my child does not have ADHD.

pacmum

my son may be an extreme example but where exactly is the line supposed to be drawn? The whole range of conditions like these is a spectrum, some mildly affected whose parents are able to cope easily and don't bother to claim anything, some mildly affected whose parents can't cope and do claim, right through to those with difficulties such that they'll never be able to live independently.

Those with a diagnosed neurological abnormality? our consultant has told us there's no way they can scan every child that he sees. Maybe it should be limited to those with a formal diagnosis, but then the same consultant has told us that until a few years ago they gave out ADHD / ASD diagnoses like sweets at a party, now they're like gold dust

I'm actually looking forward to the introduction of PIP for children (as long as it's done properly), objective tests rather than a subjective opinion, but it won't take long for the exaggerating parents to 'train' their children.

kingfisherblue

pacmum, PIP is only to be introduced for adults initially. Children will stay on DLA. I don't think that there is a date for PIP to be introduced for children.

Brassedoff

24skins wrote: »

I'd just like to point out that I am an Education Support Officer with responsibility for children with Additional Support Needs in mainstream education and that my child does not have ADHD.

And, good for you. In my organisation I have a person who is head of year in a comprehensive, yet one of his players gets booked every week for swearing and abusing the referee. Now, we are duty bound to hold a disciplinary and instead of working with everyone to deal with his swearing, his parents and coach (who rolled out his teaching credentials). All are/were blaming his swearing on his ADHD rather than dealing with the issue of what he actually doing. We were told it was not his fault, yet the authorities make no allowance for that behaviour which I beleive is right. What was wrong was everyone was happy for the tag rather than telling him that it was unacceptable for anyone to act in that manner. All too often I get to hear "but he has ADHD", rather than, "no, you cannot behave like that in society". The industry that has spawned on providing excuses in general rather than dealing with how and why to integrate with everyone else. Of course, I suppose this stance would work for those kids who are not severe.

SingleSue

pacmum wrote: »

my son may be an extreme example but where exactly is the line supposed to be drawn? The whole range of conditions like these is a spectrum, some mildly affected whose parents are able to cope easily and don't bother to claim anything, some mildly affected whose parents can't cope and do claim, right through to those with difficulties such that they'll never be able to live independently.

Those with a diagnosed neurological abnormality? our consultant has told us there's no way they can scan every child that he sees. Maybe it should be limited to those with a formal diagnosis, but then the same consultant has told us that until a few years ago they gave out ADHD / ASD diagnoses like sweets at a party, now they're like gold dust

I'm actually looking forward to the introduction of PIP for children (as long as it's done properly), objective tests rather than a subjective opinion, but it won't take long for the exaggerating parents to 'train' their children.

Middle son will be unlikely to ever be able to live independently (no receipt of DLA courtesy of a postive school report a fair few years ago now despite him only being there a week at the time), youngest son possibly will be able to but he would never leave the house and be among people unless he was forced to (is in receipt of DLA but has other disabilities).

I try to keep positive about it and keep saying "When they have grown up" but time is running out for the growing up....middle son is 15 already and still cannot deal with his personal care! Gawd knows what is going to happen to him.....

That said, they tried to label eldest son with ASD because of the other two...I was not having that at all and I was proved right, he is just a little odd rather than full on ASD.

Coping? I don't always manage it......certainly didn't in the past with a major breakdown in 2005 due to the stresses of it all.

darkpool

CHRISSYG wrote: »

qualifying for DLA is not easy and if they do receive it then im sure its justified, unless you have some help to offer them then id mind my own business if i was you.

we've all seen cases in the newspapers/ telly where perfectly normal people have been claiming dla. i think the sooner people stop pretending that dla fraud doesn't exist the better.

after all dla fraud takes money from the genuinely disabled, a pretty low crime in my eyes.

[Deleted User]

I think a child can have a condition where their behaviour would indeed be WORSE with bad parenting as not only would the child have the condition but have the addition of being emotionally disturbed , which of course would make their behaviour 'worse' or more demanding / difficult

I was just thinking , if my DD was a bad parent who practically dragged up my DGS who has Autism I reckon his 'behaviour' would be worse like I said with the added issue of being disturbed as well

Thankfully he is one of the HAPPIEST boys I have ever known and my daughter does a great job with him! :D

( So you can't say these boys HAVEN'T got ADHD but their upbringing makes it worse behaviour wise! Feel sorry for them actually x )

craftier

It's the minority of parents who teach their children that because they have special needs they can do what they want, that worries me. I used to help at a youth club for young people with special needs, mostly on the autistic spectrum. Several teenagers told me that they had free rein to do anything they wanted. The following is a sample conversation, and one that I particularly remember:

Child A (12 yr old boy aspergers) is throwing balls at child B (similar aged girl, physical & learning difficulties) in soft play area. The plastic balls hurt when thrown at someone with force, and the girl wasn’t able to move quickly due to her disabilities.
I got between them, to block balls being thrown & picked up again.
Me: "stop doing that you are hurting (child "
Child A: "You can’t stop me I can do what I like, I have special needs."
Me: "I’m not going to let you continue hurting (child , so please leave the soft play area and go and do something else."
Child A: "You can’t tell me off. My mum says I have to tell teachers that you can’t tell me off. I have Aspergers syndrome and I can do what I want."
Me: "I have Aspergers syndrome too, so I can do what I want, and I want you to leave the soft play area NOW."
Child A is flummoxed by the logic of this, as his mother hasn’t primed him with an answer to this one. He leaves the area.
I wonder what will come of these children when they become adults. “I can drive through a red traffic light because I have AS!”?? “ I can steal from you, because I can do what I want!”?? No wonder they say the prisons are full of people with ADHD/Aspergers syndrome!
I hope that it is only the minority of parents who teach this to their children. The Child A above came from an educated family, and had a high IQ.
My sons are autistic with severe learning difficulties and little/no speech, but they can also be naughty. When younger, one of my sons used to climb the fence to escape the garden. He knew full well he shouldn’t be doing it, but he didn’t understand why. Yes, I tell my children off, but whether they understand what I’m saying I don’t know.
And as for misbehaving in a hospital ward! (mentioned in an earlier post) I simply wouldn’t take them anywhere their behaviour would be so inappropriate.

Richie-from-the-Boro

Thank you craftier, I have refrained from comment up to now but your single sentence says it all """ And as for misbehaving in a hospital ward! (mentioned in an earlier post) I simply wouldn't take them anywhere their behaviour would be so inappropriate"""

Its the parent that.. .. """should be removed and very severely punished, never brought back near the hospital until they can act appropriately"""