Frump to Fab - Summer Solstice Sizzler

LameWolf

LL Thanks for the post abour SAH mums and wives - it's true, I do make sure we're properly fed (with HM food, no ready-meals here!) and try to keep the Wolves' Lair clean and tidy. I think I'd feel a lot better about it if I didn't need Mr LW to do so much of the housework because I can't do it anymore. Must put my Mensa-certified IQ to work devising means of making some of the tasks do-able again.;)

Callisto please do see the Doctor again - there's more than one type of anti-depressant, and it may be that a different sort will suit you better. Also, don't forget they take several weeks to properly kick in, so you may need to be a little patient with them.Talk to the Doc and explore all your options. (((HUG)))

Mooloo (((HUGS))) It seems such a minefield trying to get a bit of financial assistance - "you earn too much, you don't get x anymore", "x has stopped so you can't have y", "you qualify for x again but you've got to reapply and wait 3 months then appeal, meantime you can't do z". It's ridiculous!:(

WW Hey, I'm an ex-smoker, too:beer:I quit cold-turkey 10 years ago, when I moved in with Mr LW.:o I'd never smoked more than 5 a day, but had done this for over 25 years - started when I was 15, for my nerves (bf was in the army, he'd just been sent to NI at the height of the Troubles, and a so-called friend handed me a ciggie and said it'd help calm me down.)

Anyways, long story short, I'd tried numerous times to quit, and it was moving here that finally did it for me (Mr LW has never smoked, btw). What I did was to keep track of what I'd have spent on ciggies and when I had enough "saved" (I tracked it as I do all other things - on a spreadsheet):D I purchased a beautiful pewter and crystal dragon that I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise. (I collect dragons of all types, btw).

I found having jewellery on to fiddle with kept my paws occupied (worry-beads are good for this) and if you feel the need to have something in your mouth, chewing gum is good (not necessarily the nicotine sort - if you've only been having 7 coffin-nails a day, you might not need that; only you can decide on that one);)

Anyways, I've trodden the path you're embarking on, so feel free to pm me or post here, I'll help as much as I can.:o

I'm going to shut up now - I've waffled on far too long (you must all be bored rigid:eek:my hands are hurting:(, and it's time I try and eat a spot of lunch.;)

lessonlearned

I'm procrastinating too:o

Got masses to do and it's a bit of a CBA day for me.

and ...............my headache is back so I really ought to stay of the computer and rest my eyes.....

lizzie157

Thankyou all for your birthday wishes off out tonight for a family meal
Bitsy I feel the same about SAHM -definately not valued yet why do I when asked my employment status say "just a housewife" . I'm afraid I'm old fashioned in this respect and feel that a lot of societies ills are brought about by children having guilt money thrown at them instead of time spent with them teaching them to be respectable citizens. And LW you strive to help where you can with dogsitting and at the same time battling ill health, whilst doing as much housework as you can manage. I for one think looking after a house /kids is a fulltime job in itself. A full time job and running a house can't both be done without something having to give. One thing I would say Bitsy is don't lose yourself totally by being mum make sure you have something for you. I think this is where I went wrong and now my mental health is paying for it

Callisto - persevere with the anti deppressants. They do take time and if after a couple of months they still don't suit go back and ask to try some different ones there are loads to try. Good luck with your OU course.I'm on my last assignment too

LL sorry about your neighbour. Don't know what else to say. It's so unfair. Look after your headache, leave the housework and chill.

Mooloo Isn't it always the way with benefits system they just haven't a clue the stress they cause

Went to the appeal this morning but it was thrown out due to medical report being about someone else. OH was very stressed, even our welfare rights helper remarked he didn't look well. So now due to DWP's incompetence he has to go thorough all again.

The unsupportive ex-friend sent me a card so I txted to thank her ( though she had just got her MIL to write it and post it through cos her name was spelt wrong). Still at least she thought. I will be polite and exchange cards etc, perhaps the odd txt but thats it. Don't need to be made to feel like she makes me feel.
My confidence book has arrived so am gonna give that a go. Bumped into someone I went to adult ed with yesterday and she looked really well, groomed and confident. She and her OH fell on hard times and lost everything but they both have jobs now and things are looking up for them. So it can be done and I was really pleased for her. After I'd left her I realised how I looked in contrast -yes I had been do walking but I had ripped and stained clothes on. I have let things slip back on the fabbing, I know as was said earlier about the weather, the situation etc affecting our clothes but If your clothes are clean and tidy, I think that at least helps to make you feel better about yourself. I haven't been bothering - need to give myself a kick up the @rse and realize I AM worth it .........
Anyway have gone on long enough must get some housework done.
Oh and clean up the sick the dogs just done on the carpet :eek::eek:

LameWolf

lizzie157 wrote: »

Went to the appeal this morning but it was thrown out due to medical report being about someone else. OH was very stressed, even our welfare rights helper remarked he didn't look well. So now due to DWP's incompetence he has to go thorough all again.

Oh gods, lizzie I'm so sorry. What an absolute bummer.:( I know it's small comfort, but have a virtual (((HUG))).

I'm going to drag my aching carcase onto the Wii for a spot of yoga now.:o

Bitsy_Beans

Go gentle LW xxx

Lizzie I have an adult tap class I go to once a week so I do get time off and I do go out with my girlfriends and have a giggle and a dance so I am lucky not to be "mum" all the time. I am so sorry appeal was thrown out......honestly is it really too much for paperwork these days to be correct :mad: have hugs for you and your H. Glad you had realised that you are worth it :T

LL hope headache has eased xx

Callisto didn't want you to think had ignored your post but sending you a hug, don't have any experience with anti d's but well done on your positives. Enjoy lying on your cloud xx

Had a nice walk round the park with Luna and my friend her baby, been putting the world to rights and discussing our self esteems. We're going to be fabbing buddies in RL, whether that involves exercising or yoga or eating better so a nice little challenge for us

WelshWoofer

Thank you to everyone for their kind comments and support on the giving up smoking project. It does help.

Just back from the theatre with the "ladies" group and yet again really enjoyed myself. My horizons have been well and truly expanded recently- the play was a three woman effort all playing the same character at different stages in her life. It was called Three Tall Women and apparently a Pulitzer prize winner - when it started I wasn't at all sure about it but it was a definite grower and the performances were great - all jobbing actresses but excellent. In a strange way it was quite apt for a "fabber", it was all about how you change and grow as you age and the oldest actress must have been 70 if she was a day and still a force to be reckoned with. Real girl power type stuff but in a very subtle way.


Lizzie - I really identified with your post - you are worth it and even though we might not all be catwalk models or perfect all of the time its the effort that counts.

And LL don't get me started on Nancy flipping Deluded Dell'olio - she the epitomy of a woman that can't be validated without a man or a man's attention. Silly cow.:mad: Act your age woman and have some dignity - Sven this, aren't I gorgeous that.....!

lizzie157

hi just a quick one. Thanks Bitsy and LW - it shouldn't be like that but from beginning to end the whole thing has been on !!!! up after another.

Enjoyed my meal out, but am now sat in bed with laptop after a row with H, feel like telling him to sort his next appeal himself, he can be such a n0bhead sometimes!! DD was having an off day ( feeling anxious etc - she's struggling again), and was being a bit loud. Didn't bother me particularly the restaurant was quiet anyway so we weren't disturbing anyone, but her dad wasn't happy. Then when we got home H was moaning about having to pay for younger son as well as himself. It's once a year we don't go out for meals except for birthdays and haven't done for a while. When it's his birthday I make sure I can afford to pay for myself, and the kids, ( one of the older kids usually pays for H for birthday). Often the older one's will chip in for kids as because they know I haven't got much cash. They don't seem as keen when it's my birthday, they think H should pay for at least one of them. The only reason they are like this with him I think is because he doesn't offer to pay its grudgingly when he does and they've seen how I used to have to go on in the past at birthdays and xmas when he used let me shoulder the burden of buying pressies out of the child benefit and never offered me anything towards them. Don't understand him - I don't want or expect them to spend money on me. Next year don't think I'll bother with meal out if it's going to cause bad feeling it's not worth it. Some men..........

We are off to theatre sun paid for by me before DWP got to work on us :rotfl:I haven't got much ( even less now ) but this is part of getting out a bit with the kids, I didn't sulk because he hasn't paid anything towards tickets. I'm happy to share what little I have.

lessonlearned

lizzie157 wrote: »

Enjoyed my meal out, but am now sat in bed with laptop after a row with H, feel like telling him to sort his next appeal himself, he can be such a n0bhead sometimes!!

Definitely - I think you've done more than your share - let him take the reins for a while - at least when it comes to his claim. You've only got one pair of hands, dammit. If he was incapable like my OH then that would be a different matter.

Lizzie - if you are thinking that at some point you want to be independent and start a new life on your own then maybe you need to start "backing off a little" - let him start taking more responsibility for himself instead of you running around doing everything for him.

As for his "dog in the manger attitude" about paying for your son etc - well that's just so unnecessary. If it was a problem for him to find the money he should taken this up with your son and not involve you at all - you shouldnt have even be made aware of this.

This has obviously spoilt your birthday meal - he could have dealt with this far more diplomatically - like a grown up in fact.

Sorry if I've gone too far but I really feel upset on your behalf.

Bitsy_Beans

Let me get this right? he was bumping his gums because he not only had to pay for his own meal but that of his younger sons? How old is this child? I am not sure how old your children are.
I am disgusted by his attitude, stinks of selfishness through and through. If memory serves Lizzie if you had the means to you would have left yes? Perhaps like LL says its time to start letting your H paddle his own canoe. With regards to leaving have you enquired about going on a housing list etc? Apologies if you've said all this before......:o

Have a hug lovey xx

WelshWoofer

Lizzie - I'm sorry to hear that he spolit your birthday meal. He does seem to be self centred and selfish and I'm inclined to think that you'd be better off on your own (with the kids) as he seems to be constantly upsetting you. I don't have any words of wisdom really apart to say that I know what its like to be in an unhappy relationship and I finally had enough and asked him to leave (divorced now) BUT there was only me to think of and no children, I appreciate how different your situation is and that you have much more to take into account. Take care and look after yourself xx

Well finally I've woken up to sunshine and blue skies :T
The weather makes such a difference to your mood doesn't it? No big plans for the weekend, its payday on Tuesday so I need to not spend very much after the super-expensive month I've had.
I think that I'll take the dog for a nice long walk this morning - I've started using www.walkit.com to find routes locally just to change it up a bit and make it more interesting. It tells you where to go, how far it is, how long it should take etc.
Then, a trip to the library to pick up an ordered book and a quick whizz to the greengrocer and pet shop (no big shop this week) and a spot of cleaning. After that its a bit of a blank canvas really - will have to find something to do, I'm not good at being bored.:o

Hope everyone has a good day!