Frump to Fab - Summer Solstice Sizzler

lessonlearned

Ugliness

I'm going to throw the cat in amongst the pigeons with this one.

Now I know this is a thread about getting ourselves from Frump to Fab and it is, in the main, fun and lighthearted.

What pleases me most about this thread is that it is also extremely supportive and non judgemental. Would that the rest of the world were all so nice and pleasant.

I am hoping that all of you are joining me on our journey because you are doing this for you, because it is what you want and not just to please a third person or because you feel under pressure.

I know I often talk about how we are judged by our appearance and how the way we present ourselves can affect the way people treat us. And - up to a point - I have no problem with that. After all if we can't be bothered with ourselves we can't really expect others to be bothered about us either.

What does upset me and often makes my blood boil is just how cruel people can be to those who often simply don't conform to society's norms about what is considered to be beautiful or ugly.

Recently the critic AA Gill wrote a scathing article about the historian Mary Beard, who is currently presenting an excellent history programme called "Meet the Romans" on TV. He said she was too ugly for TV.

Here is Mary's reply.

(By the way Bitsy thanks for teaching me to do links. I am hoping to add lots of pictures, articles and snippets in the future to liven up my posts - I always enjoy it when you lot post pictures).

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2134146/Too-ugly-TV-No-Im-brainy-men-fear-clever-women.html

Now I admire Mary a great deal. She is clever, erudite and witty and actually I love her long silvery/grey hair. I think it suits her. She is a regular on Question Time and, as expected of a Cambridge Professor, she always talks sense - more so than most of the half witted politicians on there.

Needless to say there has been quite a furore with lots of commentators wading into the argument, unfortunately not all of them in support of Mary.

Hilary Clinton has also come under some flack this week for her appearance. Apparently she said that now she is no longer the First Lady she feels she can dress a bit more for comfort and forego the contact lenses and go back to wearing glasses - she is extremely short sighted. Well the press have given her a mauling.

She is the US Secretary for Defence for goodness sake. I for one would much rather see her try and sort US foreign policy than be fretting overmuch about her outfits and lippy.

However, she is still consorting with world leaders etc, and forgive the pun but I think she should stick with the war paint. She still needs to look professional and that means grooming. Hilary - wear glasses if you want, they are more comfortable than lenses, but fix the hair and put on some slap - at least until your term is up.

Would men be criticised like this though - of course not. Is Patrick Moore considered too ugly for TV - he's no oil painting bless him - no of course he isn't.

To be continued .......

lessonlearned

Ugliness - Part 2

Had to edit - tried to do a link here to show you the lyrics to the "Ugly Duckling" - sorry it didn't work. You can google them if you want - the Danny Kaye version.

Now we all know the Hans Anderson fairytale about the Ugly Duckling who becomes a Beautiful Swan.

What???? The poor thing had to change species in order to become acceptable!!!

The moral of the story - if people don't like you you have to change yourself beyond all recognition until they accept you - is hardly a comfortable one is it.

If you don't you have to hide yourself away, "Ashamed to show your face, ashamed of what others might say". What a lesson for children.

Like most fairytales - scratch the surface and you'll find some nasty dark messages. Cinderella??? - women can only be validated by a man (like Nancy Deluded Del'Olio). WW - I thought your little rant was hilarious.

Well as you know I was born with a red angry birthmark on my face and yes there were some harsh cruel judgements made about my disfigurement, my plainness, my baby fine whispy hair. The Good Looks Fairy walked straight past my cradle. :rotfl:

But, hide my self away - not on your life. I learned to deal with it, to develop my intellect, my personality, how to apply make up, style my hair, how to dress.

The bullying at school?? It didn't happen. I was too quick for them. l learned how to play the fool and be the class clown, how to deflect their attention, how to be the first in with the jokes before strangers could make any disparaging remarks or give me a pitying look.

By the time it really mattered - in my teens when I wanted to attract boys, it was no longer an issue. I was so self assured and happy in my own skin boys didn't even notice the birthmark - they were probably too busy fretting over their own shortcomings.

Ladies a lesson - I doubt that many of you had a birthmark to deal with - trust me - you are more lovely than you know.;)

BTW - sweet little dog Sezza girl.

When I went for my walk yesterday I was thinking how nice it would be to have a dog to walk. Maybe - when I don't have so much on my plate.

G'night all X

lizzie157

Great post LL .:) That's exactly what I'm striving for to be comfortable in my own skin. Unfortunately it was never my parents way to praise me, or point out the good things about me and I really think that laid the foundations of my self esteem. Then carried on by H who made out I should be grateful to him for having me because most blokes wouldn't have chosen me.:o Although I now know why it was done it's not easy undoing it.
Sezzagirl - doggy's gorgeous.
I've noticed RSPCA are looking for volunteers in my area and as I really want to work with animals (dogs particularly), I'm thinking about registering, am not totally in favour of some of the ways they operate but at least I'd be helping unfortuate animals. The only drawback is, is my shoulder and finger up to it? If I turn up with a finger in splint will it be a problem? What do you think? Think I might go for it if it is a problem maybe they'll keep me in mind for a later date?
The welfare rights centre we go to for advice is also looking for volunteers, but you have to commit to 12 hrs a week for a year and am not sure if I can do that atm.

Bitsy yes we do share a bed though he usually doesn't retire till early hours of morning when I've been asleep for hours. There's no spare room and though nothing much goes on in the bed apart from sleep :rotfl:it is difficult. H refuses to believe there is a problem with us anyway.! Although the kids know things aren't what they should be I try to keep things as normal as possible but yes this obviously plays right into his hands.:(

Theatre was good yesterday with kids. H went as well but had to comment that he could have done it better.:eek: We all enjoyed it though - made a nice change.

Right must go dogs to walk, and bills to pay. x

lessonlearned

lizzie157 wrote: »

Great post LL .:) That's exactly what I'm striving for to be comfortable in my own skin. Unfortunately it was never my parents way to praise me, or point out the good things about me and I really think that laid the foundations of my self esteem. x

Same here. My parents were totally shocked by my appearance when I was born and really didn't cope very well. I was such a disappointment to them.

I hate to say this but I'm afraid it is true. My father is a somewhat vain and shallow man, naive and no judge of character. A real "judge a book by looking at the cover" type.

An "ugly" daughter was just too much for him to cope with. My mum, well she had been a little princess all her life and wasn't really equipped for the real world - still isn't bless her. I think the kindest way of putting it is that I was treated with benign neglect - I had food, shelter and warmth as per a parents duty - but that was about it.

They loved me in their fashion but you can see now why Aunty S was always so important to me. She was the real nurturer and guide.

As for praise. No. I don't think their generation believed in praising children. You were just expected to be good, work hard and do well.

Anyway - all water under the bridge....

Lizzie - your parents may not have taught you self esteem but that was a long time ago, put that behind you. Forget and forgive them. I learned to do that with mine and it helped me. They didn't mean to hurt me - they did their best - it's just that they didn't know how to be better.

However when it comes to your husband - that's a different kettle of fish. He chose to marry you because he loved you for goodness sake. We do not treat those we love badly - do we.???

Lizzie Do not let your man destroy your confidence.

Men who do that do so because they feel inept and inferior themselves. They think that the only way they can be "top dog" is to undermine everyone else. They do it because they love themselves more than they love anyone else. Sorry if that seems harsh but I believe it to be true. If you love someone you don't hurt them - at least not deliberately and certainly not consistently.

He could have done the theatre better. :rotfl: Yeah - in your dreams kiddo. Seriously don't even bother to listen to such claptrap.

The world is full of armchair critics, armchair sportsmen, barrack room lawyers, pub bars are full of know it alls. Take it all with a huge pinch of salt.

Comments that like are just water off a duck's back. They talk the talk but never walk the walk.

I like a man who is a doer not just a talker - fortunately OH was both and he also had the good sense to know what his limitations were.

Well today I'm having a day off. The weather is so-so. I'm off to Dunhelm to spend some money - time to start revamping that sitting room. Maybe a little light lunch somewhere.

Have a great day x

PS The RSPCA volunteering sounds like a terrific idea. As a volunteer they will be happy to let you do what you can when you can and will not expect you to risk further injury. They will be so glad to have you and if you love animals it should be right up your street.

I agree that the commitment of 12 hours per week for a year for the welfare rights centre is probably too much to sign up for right now, especially if you are thinking of looking for paid work in the future. Will they accept less if you offer,

LameWolf

Sezzagirl what a beatuiful wee poochlet!:happyhear

LL Thanks for that link to Mary Beard's article - I have to confess I'd never heard of her - but you know, facially, she's not overly different from me! Make the hair a bit longer, a mite thinner (hair loss is an effect of lupus) and red, lose the eyebrows completely (see previous comment re hair loss) and put in a scar across where the right eyebrow should be, and there I am!:D

Lizzie I found myself nodding as I read your post - my parents didn't want a baby at all, then when they accepted they had to have the wretched thing, it was "so long as it's a boy" so of course, the first thing I ever did wrong was to be born female! *rolls eyes* My mother spent my formative years telling me I was ugly, useless, couldn't do anything right, yada, yada, yada, and my father contented himself with more physical types of abuse, just going for verbal when there was company. As a wise doctor once told me, "Child abusers also have offspring. It's your bad luck to be one of those offspring. Live with it." My ex was a complete kn0bhead (my mother told me to marry what I could get cos no-one else would want me), so again, I feel your pain. The real major difference is that I didn't have children, so I can't imagine the situation with them there.

Anyways, the whole point of that waffle Lizzie, is a paw of support when you're feeling less than fab - virtual sister!:D (I don't have any siblings of my own, so I'm claiming you as a virtual one!):rotfl:

Re the RSPCA - ask them! When I still had my own car, I asked about volunteering for the sake of the animals, but sadly they didn't want me, because lupus is so unpredictable - I couldn't guarantee that I'd be able to do a four-hour stint every Wednesday (for instance). But your situation sounds different, and they may well be glad of you.

Actually, there's a story behind four-hour stints, too.... it was some years ago when I asked about working with the RSPCA, and the lupus has gotten worse since then, so that nowadays, I could not undertake to do four hours at a stretch, anywhere. When the local beer festival was on, I said I could do an hour at a time on the door or on the merchandise table, if they wanted me (they claimed to be desperate for volunteers.) But no - they wanted people to sign up for the whole four hour shift, no ifs or buts.:mad: Hey ho - their loss.:whistle:

Anyways, I hope everyone's having a good Monday - as usual, I did too much at the weekend (always do, trying to get tasks done when Mr LW is here to help; even after all this time I don't seem able to learn the art of pacing myself) so looking to do sitting-down tasks, or even half-recumbent-on-the-sofa tasks today.:rotfl:

podperson

Hi all,

Not been on for a bit so trying to catch up on you all Don't have to comment on all of it but:
ww - well done on the quitting smoking, have been there and found distraction tended to be the best thing - I would have times when it was just habit to have a ciggie so would try and do something else, preferably something fun, instead and after a bit just wouldn't feel the need anymore.
Lizzie - Happy belated Birthday, sorry the meal didn't go too well, think the rspca volunteering sounds like a good plan, am sure they would appreciate it.
LL - hope you're feeling a bit better hun and the headaches have cleared up a bit, hope you manage to get a motor sorted for OH's chair, would be easier for you.

Was away at Fort William last weekend for the choir thing, we were covering a charity bike and hike and also had 6 members taking part (crazy people!). Was good fun, some lovely scenery and nice to spend a bit of time outside the practice hall with people. The guys taking part were amazing, had to bike 31 miles and then hike 23 - think they found it a lot harder then they thought and were very late back but we were singing them in and was quite sweet

Weekend just gone have been down to visit my mum and dad, not seen them since xmas as just not had any money spare to travel down as went down on Thursday for my dad's birthday and back on Sunday. Was really nice to catch up and just have a few days to chill out and not do much after the hectic past few weeks. Think I realised that I do need to try and make a bit of time just to relax and de-stress before it all gets on top of me. Although saying that am back at work today to a mountain of stuff to catch up on, am supposed to be meeting a couple tonight to discuss possibly covering their wedding and then have some photos to edit when I get back from last week

Anyway sending *hugs* to those who need it and hope everyone has a good day x

LameWolf

Noe to see you back, Podders;) How did you get on with the coach travel?:o

podperson

Not too bad actually. Had travel pills and was munching ginger biccies there and back - worse bit was actually the half hour trip to the checkpoint on the Sat morning after a few bevvies the night before

lessonlearned

Meant to say - nearly set fire to the kitchen last night:eek:.

Pan fried the pork steaks, removed them from heat and decided to use juices to make a brandy and cream sauce. Poured in the brandy whilst butter was too hot and whoosh. The flames have melted the plastic coating to the door to the extractor unit above the hob :rotfl:

The door cannot be replaced because it was a Hygena kitchen from MFI - now long gone. Never mind I intended having a new kitchen next year anyway. I'm afraid it will just have to stay as it is for now.:o I've still not replaced the washing machine yet either. The place is dropping to bits.

I have a couple of endowments maturing next year and my plan is to redo most of the downstairs - hence my decorating this year is confined to just touching up existing emulsioned walls and paintwork and a bit of a cheap and cheerful revamp to the sitting room. I'm allowing myself a budget of £100.

Did a bit of canny shopping today, have made a start buying some cushions and throws. Dunhelm didn't have what I wanted so went to Sainsbugs who had 25% off. 4 cushions and 2 throws came to £34, less £10 worth of points, less £17 from my small change jar so technically I have only spent £7 of my budget so far.

Tonight am going to order some artwork. Nothing in Dunhelm - at least not at a price I wanted to pay.

jackielesley - thank you for delurking to give advice re the battery power pack.

I shall sit tonight and look though the "tinter web" to see what I can find. Tomorrow OH has an assessment with the OT so I need to do my homework. I will ask about funding but I doubt it.

Hi Pod - glad the coach journey was Ok and that you've had a good time.

Time to go cook dinner - baked fish in the oven - hope that doesn't catch fire!!!

Molly41

LameWolf wrote: »

Sezzagirl what a beatuiful wee poochlet!:happyhear

LL Thanks for that link to Mary Beard's article - I have to confess I'd never heard of her - but you know, facially, she's not overly different from me! Make the hair a bit longer, a mite thinner (hair loss is an effect of lupus) and red, lose the eyebrows completely (see previous comment re hair loss) and put in a scar across where the right eyebrow should be, and there I am!:D


Anyways, the whole point of that waffle Lizzie, is a paw of support when you're feeling less than fab - virtual sister!:D (I don't have any siblings of my own, so I'm claiming you as a virtual one!):rotfl:

I have very much enjoyed Mary Beard in her recent Roman's series. I personally think she is beautiful as she is at one with her body and I love her dress style.

As you might be aware I also struggle with my parents and hope one day to have some acceptance of my childhood and formative years - Im working on it. Im also an only child Lamewolf - perhaps I can be your virtual sibling too? I always prayed for a sibling to take away the loneliness but it was never to be.

Love and hugs to you all x