Frump to Fab - Summer Solstice Sizzler

Everhopeful09

Hi,

Lesson learned thank you for putting me in my place, no seriously I'm healthy and a lot to be thankful for and just need telling sometimes


I am planning on working hard to stop the negativity and break the cycle of of it! And no they don't need there eyes testing! lol I just have to say 'thank you' graciously and smile . And yes it did give me a boost!


Thankyou
EH xx

Willow92

Probably at my lowest in a while today.

I was due to meet up with a friend today, one who knows I hate people cancelling on me last minute. He sent a text at 6:40am saying he had to cancel coz he was ill. I told mum (she was giving me a lift) that it was off. Then he comes back to tell me it was a joke and it was still on. I told him I'd actually cancelled but can uncancel. He said "Well the weather's s**t now anyways" So I said that we'd leave it for today coz I'm not in the mood for jokes like that. Serves him right for being such an idiot about it. He knows that I've gone to meet people and they haven't shown up or cancelled last minute. It happens way too often and I start taking it personally.

lessonlearned

Edited to say - That should of course read "bags" as in the old Peter Paul & Mary song.

Off to Devon tomorrow, not on a jet plane but a lovely train ride - paid a bit extra and upgraded to first class. Why not - I'm a First Class kind of girl. :j:j Using my railcard and booking well in advance means I can afford to splurge and be comfortable and travel in style.

My friend lives near Totnes. She has a dog so lots of nice walks on the beach - weather permitting.

Willow

Good for you for standing your ground. Friends don't treat it each other like that. That is not funny - at best it's puerile. It's downright rude and inconsiderate. No wonder you feel low and cross. You stick up for yourself girl, don't let anyone treat you like that ever again.

Bitsy

Unhappy with your looks and lacking confidence in how you might appear to others??. Work with what you've got.

I agree with Molly - start with the hair. Then make up, clothes, posture, smiles - the rest will come. There are very few natural beauties out there. If you don't believe me go on the internet, google some of the pictures of celebs without their make up etc, look at some of the fashion faux pas they make. There's lots of sites out there. Watch and learn.

Do your best with what you have and when you've done that forget about it.

Concentrate on other things. Develop new skills, upgrade your education, not necessarily academic or professional skills. Broaden your horizons, learn about art, cinema, literature. It needn't cost money, that's what libraries are for. Read, visit museums and galleries, learn about wine and food, become a cinema buff, learn a language or how to play an instrument, learn how to be a juggler - anything. Just forget about the outer you and develop the inner person.

Beauty is more than skin deep. It's about being cultured, educated, accomplished, charming, witty and all those other things that go to make up the whole person.

There is more to being attractive to others than how we look. It's how we are, how we act, how we treat others. Handsome is as handsome does, as the saying goes.

Prettiness fades very quickly, being attractive and interesting lasts a lifetime. Even the most stunning beauty will lose her physical charms over time.

Anyone can be a pretty, vapid empty shell (Paris Hilton et all). Real beauty is much much more.

Maman

Belated Happy Birthday. How wonderful that you feel a year younger. You deserve it too, you've worked hard. It's time to reap the rewards of all that effort.

See you all next week.

Be kind to yourselves, be positive and keep fabbing away. Be the best you can be.

podperson

Morning all,

adelight - why the 'nah' when you look at the nice clothes? If you feel you don't suit your older clothes at the moment could you look at getting a few staples in different styles, or brighten up the greys and blacks with some bright, pretty acessories? Sounds like you used to be really creative so just let that side out again

LL - new hair do sounds lovely

WW - why wouldn't she say you look smart, bit of self-belief there missus Hope the new car is all good and you have a good weekend back home, was hoping to have been able to go back down for Mother's Day but distinct lack of funds at the moment so will have to settle for a phone call

EH - I think we all have insecurities but have to try not to let them take hold. 3 different people all told you you look great - so start believing it I think it comes back a bit to the 'fake it until you make it' psychology mentioned earlier, if you act confident about the way you look, even if you don't necessary feel it at first, then you can start to feel better 'for real'.

Maman - hope you had a lovely birthday, enjoy the theatre x

Bitsy - aww, hun, it's so annoying to get outbreaks at our age - am afraid have no magic remedy, I tend to use toothpaste on occasion and while it does tingle have never had actual burn from it :eek: Failing that I have a Vitamin E cleanser, I think from Body shop, which I quite like, and witch hazel is meant to be good.

Willow - how annoying, your friend must have a very odd sense of humour to find that funny :mad:

Anyways, was at choir last night, we have a new disco medley so have been humming that all last night and this morning :rotfl:Gave in and weighed myself last night even though I had said would wait a week until Sat, am down 1lb, which is good but had slightly hoped for a bit more. Measured afterwards though and 2.5inches off overall, which am quite happy with

Had a stressed out morning so far,wake up to almost simultaneous mobile and house phone ringing plus text coming in with automated message from my bank saying to call urgently, don't have time to go through all the options so figure will do it at work, only to find when I try and take some money out my card won't work :mad: Anyway gone through the stoopid automated thing and gave me a big list of transactions with 'are these all yours?' - sounded about right but will check on the online statement when I get home. Have ticked yes and OH says card is working now but can't understand what's triggered it off so bit worrying.

Also getting frazzled with the in-laws, OH's mum messaged him on facebook on Monday (she loves it as it means she has to ring even less then she normally did!) to say one of his dad's relatives had died last week (didn't say who and we still don't know!) and they were travelling up that day for the funeral and would try and pop in to see us on Tuesday night. OH said, sorry but Tuesday's not good for us, I have choir and he wasn't home until about 7pm and then had work to do. Got a bit snippy and said would ring him when they got up here about 9pm. Anyway he sat up waiting for her until 10.30, no phone call, texted her first thing in the morning saying he hadn't heard from her so just checking they had got up here safe and since he had uni assessments all morning from 9am and a late class that afternoon probably wouldn't get to see them now. She tried to ring him at 9.30am when he's in the middle of an assessment and then texts him straight after going 'tried to ring but didn't answer, guess we won't see you now then' - *sighs* I give up, apparently we should have dropped everything with a days notice for them.

Willow92

Yeah, what he doesn't realise is that I will soon be laughing at him. Not going into detail here but it really is funny.

I'm pretty good right now actually

LameWolf

Everhopeful09 wrote: »

Hello fabbers,
Am feeling a bit like my old self after a rough couple weeks! Job situation still the same but will take steps to rectify it.

Also have to start believing in myself, been told this week by 3 seperate male friends that I'm attractive. Not sure where this has come from as I don't believe it myself and hate looking in the mirror (yes my confidence is that bad )

A lot more work is needed I think! Does everyone else have insecurities?

EH xx

In a word, yes. Even now, I can't see what Mr LW wants with a fat, ugly cripple who can't even dress herself without assistance, and is, as my mother always used to say, "neither use nor ornament", and always at the back of my mind is that one of these days he'll come to his senses and find someone better, and I actually have nightmares about just such a scenario.

I won't have mirrors anywhere that I might inadvertently catch sight of myself, because if that happens, the Black Dog descends like a ton of bricks.

Grab the compliments (wow, you have 3 male friends!!:o) - I can't remember when I last got one!

Bitsy_Beans

LW have a hug, you are not useless and whilst your health issues mean are dependent on Mr LW I am pretty sure he wouldn't have it any other way xxxx

Molly thank you for birthday wishes

LL thank you for a great post. Gives me some pointers although I can already juggle :rotfl: well how else does me spend time as a post room gopher aged 18 other than spending the time learning to juggle

Adelight I meant to say your "ordinary clothes sound fabulous to me

Evilsquid I use sudocreme but it's had a very hard time battling these spots :eek:

lessonlearned

LW - that is such a cry from the heart I feel compelled to try and offer some words of comfort/wisdom?? I don't know - it's just what I know from what I've learned through my OH's illness.

When I look at him do I only see how his once powerful athletic body has become frail, twisted and misshapen. Do I look at his once handsome face and now only see how it is contorted by nerve and muscle damage. Do I look into his beautiful brown eyes and allow myself to become unnerved by his "wandering" left eye - it moves of it's own free will because of nerve damage.

LW - no I don't. Just as Mr LW doesn't see you as a "fat, ugly cripple" Before anyone shoots me down - I'm just repeating LW's words.:o

Just as I look at my OH and see beyond the damaged outer shell to the beauty and glory of the person who is trapped inside a body that no longer works as it should, Mr LW looks beyond your infirmities to see the "real you".

It is true that there are many people who cannot cope with being a carer. It doesn't make them any less a person. The burdens of being a primary carer are huge and all enveloping, doing it single-handedly year after year is often a step too far and I would never criticise anyone who cannot hack it.

As you know I'm no longer the primary carer for my OH. He needs 24 hour care and two person handling. I cannot meet those needs now. However, just because I'm no longer his primary carer, this does not mean that I no longer care about him or for him. I may no longer bathe, shave and feed him, or take him to the loo, wipe his bottom etc but I still perform lots of little intimate rituals for him.

I cut his hair, nails, trim his eyebrows and nasal hair, clean his ears and teeth properly. I massage his limbs. I do his laundry and give his room an extra clean when I visit. I take him lots of treats - food, sweeties, fruit. I've nearly sorted out the car so will be able to take him out and about.

He knows that I love him - he commented the other day that all my actions tell him this. He said that everything I do for him shows him how much I still love him.

He feels happy, content and secure.

Even if the caring becomes too much for Mr LW in the long term and you need extra help which he cannot give, I feel sure that Mr LW will be the same as me.

He clearly loves you and is devoted to you. He will not abandon you - even if the eventual outcome is that you need to go into care - he will be just like me. He will look past your infirmities, he will continue to see the real you. You will not be diminished in his eyes. He will continue to be there for you.

There is a lady in the room opposite OH. She is bedridden and rarely leaves the room. She seems to drift in and out of sleep most of the time - sort of a semi-coma if you like. Her husband visits her every single day - staying for lunch. He sits in the room with her and just watches TV or reads the paper whilst she dozes. He brushes her hair, holds her hand.

True love never dies, it just changes.

This will be my OH at some point in the future. He will become bedridden, I will continue to visit, talk to him, read to him, watch TV with him, do a little bit of hand sewing or knitting etc whilst he sleeps. However, long it takes.

On a really personal level. Sorry if this is too much information.

I have been celibate for over 3 years. It doesn't worry me too much. I know that if I were lucky enough to meet someone and love again my husband would not begrudge me having a relationship with someone else.

He knows that it would not diminish my feelings for him nor would it tarnish our love. He would give me his blessing.

LW - Have courage and faith. Mr LW will not let you down. Yes there may come a time when he can no longer cope by himself but trust me on this, his feelings for you will not change.

LameWolf

Thank you LL. Actually, "thank you" doesn't seem adequate, but I'm not much good at the putting-the-words-together-and-making-sense thing.

One thing I am determined upon, I will never go into a care home. I couldn't stand that. This is why I struggle with the WiiFit every day (as often as not ending up on the floor on my @$$, but there you go!)

It's also why I do the dog-sitting - they give me something to get up for in the mornings, other than housework, without having the responsibility of actual ownership, should I have a really bad flare.

I'm more than a little scared today; in a few minutes, I have to leave the house alone - as in completely alone, no dog in tow, - for the first time in over five years.

I'm only going 50 yards up the road to post a letter, and will use my buggy; normally Mr LW takes my post, but this has to be sent from a specific box at a specific time (Post Office quality control exercise).

OK, I'm going now, before my nerves get the better of me.;)

princess*daisy

LW - your post nearly made me cry

It saddens me that people go through life with low self-esteem, feeling worthless, feeling ugly, feeling inadequate. To me, everybody is beautiful and unique. Just because you might not fit the unrealistic and unattainable "beauty" stereotype that is shoved down our throats every day by the mass media does not mean that you are not beautiful.

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
- Roald Dahl

Hugs xx