Frump to Fab - Summer Solstice Sizzler

lessonlearned

lizzie157 wrote: »

you keep fighting too LL I'm behind you all the way.
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Found your blog and have signed up to it to give you some moral support, and keep in touch.

We can compare notes.:rotfl::rotfl:

It's surreal isn't it. I liken it to waking up and finding myself in the middle of some weird Kafka-esque nightmare. Since my OH became ill I feel that I have been living in some strange parallel universe - watching the real world from afar and being denied access.

Six long years now and counting (notice yours is 12). I am so battle weary, however, I will not be beaten. I will fight back and keep fighting. Just as soon as I can I will free myself from the shackles of the DSS & DWP and go my own sweet way.

Over the years, my husband has paid a king's ransom into the state's coffers - both as an employer and an employee. What does he get - he cannot even rest easy at the nursing home because he is frantic with worry about my financial security. I tell him I'm fine because I haven't the heart to tell him the truth. However, he's not daft - he sees right through me. We have this unspoken tacit understanding that I lie about my financial situation and he pretends to be taken in by my lies - it's just a game.

We all in this together Ha

I know Cameron lost a child and for that he has my deepest sympathy but please - stop the posturing, spare us the sanctimonious patronising drivel and for goodness sake get a grip and start running the country properly.

If I see one more shot of him and his co-horts visiting a NHS hospital with their shirt sleeves rolled up, pretending to get down and dirty with the common folk I shall throw a brick at my TV. Who do they think they are kidding. Do they think we are fools and are taken in by their "we're just workers like you" play acting.

Oh dear - rant over - I'll get me coat.:rotfl::rotfl:

Anyway on a more positive note I have been looking at train fares and times to Devon. Have discussed dates with my friend and will probably book tickets tomorrow - got to make full use of that Senior Citizen's railcard.

G'night all X

PS Sparkles - I am seriously impressed with your commitment and dedication. You are an example to us all - a shining beacon of excellence. :T:T:T

fedupandskint

lessonlearned wrote: »

PS Sparkles - I am seriously impressed with your commitment and dedication. You are an example to us all - a shining beacon of excellence. :T:T:T

Too kind LL - you made me smile with this!

I hope you all have a good weekend. I'm off for a mooch around town to collect a couple of sale jumpers I ordered then its back to fab the house up this afternoon

WelshWoofer

lessonlearned wrote: »

I know Cameron lost a child and for that he has my deepest sympathy but please - stop the posturing, spare us the sanctimonious patronising drivel and for goodness sake get a grip and start running the country properly.

If I see one more shot of him and his co-horts visiting a NHS hospital with their shirt sleeves rolled up, pretending to get down and dirty with the common folk I shall throw a brick at my TV. Who do they think they are kidding. Do they think we are fools and are taken in by their "we're just workers like you" play acting.

Oh dear - rant over - I'll get me coat.:rotfl::rotfl:

:T

I totally agree - without being political, you'd think Cameron would have more empathy for the disabled and their carers. My sister has severe cerebral palsy (she's 43) and lives at home with my parents. She has gone to a day centre with her other disabled friends for years and years - they go swimming, to the cinema, go on trips and sometimes just have coffee and a chat - but no more. The centre is being closed in a few weeks and is being replaced with absolutely nothing!
These are vunerable people unable to fight for themselves and will now have no social life outside their families, no purpose to getting up every day and no stimulation at all (apart from what famililies can provide).

Unless its organised by relatives or friends these people will just sit indoors and slowly wither away. They'll lose touch with their friends and I'm sure mental health issues will follow.
My mum is retired and has dedicated her life to my sister and does her best to make her life as "normal" as possible but she's not getting any younger. The responsibility of looking after her full time will eventually fall to me (I help when I can during school holidays etc to give my parents a break) but without somewhere for her to go every day I'll have to give up work (she can't cope on her own all day) and then there'll be another person claiming benefits when they want to work!
I love my sister dearly and will gladly do what I need to do but it will ruin my life too - I've always worked and love to work, I just won't be able to - and I'm trying to not even think about the financial implications. I have a degree and a PhD, have worked in industry and am now a teacher and I'm sure I have something to offer but will be forced to stay at home due to lack of help. These cutbacks are short sighted and will destroy many people's lives - my sister's, eventually mine and many many other people's.

It makes me mad - especially as Cameron's son had the same problems as my sister - he could afford extra help and lived the life he wanted to despite having a disabled son - almost everyone else can't do this!
Its not good for the disabled person or for the carers!!!!!

And breath......:o

Sorry for the outburst but I completely support all of those struggling with these issues - I'm not in your boat yet but will be one day...

Bitsy_Beans

Hello fabbers.
Not been posting much as havent really felt that fab or indeed done much fabbing.
My husband has decided on a party for his 40th birthday which is in April. No way on this earth will I be attending looking like I do at the moment so if I needed the motivation this ought to be it :eek:

Life with a puppy means I am doing very little, not just fabbing but house work etc too. Am on constant watch as she's not yet house trained, it's exhausting and quite frankly as cute as puppies are I would rather have a slightly older dog. That way I am not trapped in the house 24/7......half term with kids and puppy has been wonderful but also very slow. I need to get stuck back into things as not being able to do much means I am feeding my face out of boredom

Anyway sorry for the waffle.
Hugs for LL and Lizzie, not in your position but sending you lots of strength vibes to get through this xxxx
<waves at all the other fabbers>

lessonlearned

WelshWoofer wrote: »

I
The responsibility of looking after her full time will eventually fall to me (I help when I can during school holidays etc to give my parents a break) but without somewhere for her to go every day I'll have to give up work (she can't cope on her own all day) and then there'll be another person claiming benefits when they want to work!
I love my sister dearly and will gladly do what I need to do but it will ruin my life too - I've always worked and love to work, I just won't be able to - and I'm trying to not even think about the financial implications. I have a degree and a PhD, have worked in industry and am now a teacher and I'm sure I have something to offer but will be forced to stay at home due to lack of help. These cutbacks are short sighted and will destroy many people's lives - my sister's, eventually mine and many many other people's.

It makes me mad - especially as Cameron's son had the same problems as my sister - he could afford extra help and lived the life he wanted to despite having a disabled son - almost everyone else can't do this!
Its not good for the disabled person or for the carers!!!!!

And breath......:o

Sorry for the outburst but I completely support all of those struggling with these issues - I'm not in your boat yet but will be one day...

I am so sorry to hear this.

Now I'm going to give you a piece of advice - this is based on my own experience. Please do not be offended when I say this but I would strongly recommend that you do not do this - do not give up your life and career. I know you heart wants to do this out of love for your sister but like I always tell my boys, learn from my mistakes.

Think with your head, not your heart.

I speak from hindsight - if I had my time again I would not have done what I did. Knowing what I know now I would have planned it all very differently. My OH is in total agreement with this too.

We went from owning two properties, my OH running a successful business, and me either running my own business and/or having a good job.

We worked hard, played hard, had money, investments and assets, put our boys through uni, helped our families when necessary. We were as happy as larks and looking forward to a well earned comfortable retirement.

The state have taken the lot. I'm struggling to keep a roof over my head, and I face a very uncertain financial future. My poor OH feels guilty because he is now powerless to help me and he blames himself for allowing me to give up my work and career to care for him.

When I tell him it was my decision and I did it willingly he says it was the wrong decision and if we could turn back time he would insist that we do things differently.

In mitigation I will say that at the time I gave up work we were hopeful that it would be temporary because it was initially thought that his condition would improve and that he would make a good recovery.

You know that this is not the case for your sister and that you are in this for the long haul.

My advice is don't do it. You will be financially ruined, your own health will be wrecked, and your sister will be racked with guilt - all for nothing.

I speak from bitter experience, my OH would back me up.

Find another way, even if it means using a chunk of your salary to buy in extra care, keep your job, your career, your health and your life, protect your future.

It will be better for you and better for your sister.

Adela31

I am genuinely worried about what is going to happen to the money I receive for my disabled ds's. Everytime I think we have a break through, one will have an accident at school (a toilet one, or throwing himself down two flights of stairs or headbutting a wall) (And he has a brilliant teaching assistant, there would be 20 more phonecalls a week if he didnt!) and it reminds me I cant really work full time, I need to be there for those guys. But as Daddy Dearest spends what he earns, and covers the household bills, its up to me to cover the boys activities and eating!

I have no affliation to any particular party, lord knows, but I am sorta glad I have a 7 year old that still poos himself, its something TANGIBLE that I can PROVE that he aint right, and that I need to be around.

lessonlearned

Right on with today.

Train tickets to Devon booked. Am going in March to visit my dear friend S whose husband died just before Christmas. At the time I couldn't attend the funeral and I promised to visit her just as soon as I'd cleared the decks a bit.

She and her husband also had property in Spain and she needs to visit Spain to sort out all the legal stuff. The master plan is when I go down to Devon I will take my passport and then we can book flights for Spain, hopefully for April.

Got a great deal on the train tickets - that railcard is fab.

Have had further hiccups this week, OH's father rushed into hospital - well he is 89 so it's hardly a shock and my parents now need my intervention. Time to start looking for sheltered accommodation for them.

Here we again.

I'm going to be something of an expert on all this by the time I'm done. Lucikily SIL has stepped up to the plate re OH's father so I can rest easy there. Also I do have my sister to help me with mum & dad.

Can you imagine me trying to cope with OH, FIL and then my own parents. The powers that be would be carting me off in a straight jacket.:rotfl:

Anyway time for lunch, a rest, some exercise and some fabbing. Visiting OH tonight for one of our "date nights", taking him a chinese meal and watching a DVD.

Have a great day X

WelshWoofer

Thanks LL - hopefully the situation is a good number of years off yet (parents health permitting) but its a worry all the same.
I've tried to talk to my dad about it (mum is too emotional and feels guilty for "only having one more child", and "burdening" me) but he's not ready to talk about it seriously, says he's superhuman and will go for ages yet butI'm only trying to be practical. Another issue is where I live (Manchester) - my family are all still in South Wales so something will have to give there too...

Anyway, on to more positive things.......

Have been shopping and bought some new make up (a mascara and blusher) and a neutral blazer type jacket, a biscuit coloured going out silky blouse top and a bright red lighweight knit cardigan. Get me and the colours!!
Went around with LL's words ringing in my ears - is this classy, elegant and sophisticated or will I look like an over grown teenager???!
Hopefully made some good choices.

Pictures (its not me by the way!!)
http://www.hm.com/gb/product/98737?article=98737-A
http://www.hm.com/gb/product/96990?article=96990-B
http://www.hm.com/gb/product/95968?article=95968-C

I also spent about £10 in Superdrug on toiletries - they have lots of good offers on shower gel, shampoo, bubble bath and deodorant - everything I bought was half price. Got double for my money!
Did the weekly shop at Aldi too on the way home - only spent £16 on mostly F&V and fresh bits.

Just back from walking the dog between the hailstone showers and have had a 6 min sunbed for my psoriasis (which is getting much better).

The house looks like a total bombsite though - so domestic fabbing is next on the list.

WelshWoofer

lessonlearned wrote: »

Right on with today.


Have had further hiccups this week, OH's father rushed into hospital - well he is 89 so it's hardly a shock and my parents now need my intervention. Time to start looking for sheltered accommodation for them.

Here we again.


Have a great day X

Flipping eck! It never rains but it pours!
Take care of yourself.
xx

Willow92

Hugs to all I have no advice for anyone coz I haven't been in any situation like the difficult ones above. Just gonna sit back and offer virtual hugs to everyone.