Why don't you have Children yet?

bargainbetty

I am CFBC, and now respond to the question by asking if science has produced self-cleaning babies that you can leave alone for the weekend while you go for a city-break somewhere. When I am told that you can't produce self-cleaning, self-feeding babies, I shrug and say 'Oh well, still not for me then.'

I resent the sense you get from some people that I am somehow less of a woman because I don't want children. The 'So what's wrong with you' brigade. I often suggest that there are more than enough judgemental idiots in the world getting into people's business, and I wouldn't want to risk adding to the number. The questioner will have to struggle on alone.

Self-awareness isn't selfish. It is realistic. If a person genuinely believes that their life will not be enhanced by a new LCD TV, you wouldn't call them selfish for not buying one. If a person doesn't believe their personal circumstances make them suitable parents, then let them make their own decisions.

[Deleted User]

bargainbetty wrote: »

I often suggest that there are more than enough judgemental idiots in the world getting into people's business, and I wouldn't want to risk adding to the number. The questioner will have to struggle on alone.

I LOVE this! Bravo!

Alizarin

bargainbetty wrote: »

If a person genuinely believes that their life will not be enhanced by a new LCD TV, you wouldn't call them selfish for not buying one.

:T Thank you, this is EXACTLY the point that I need to get across to some people. I may borrow this for next time someone asks me about kids if that's ok!

Piggles12345

bargainbetty wrote: »

I am CFBC, and now respond to the question by asking if science has produced self-cleaning babies that you can leave alone for the weekend while you go for a city-break somewhere. When I am told that you can't produce self-cleaning, self-feeding babies, I shrug and say 'Oh well, still not for me then.' .

Why don't you have kids yet?

When they develop a self-cleaning, self-teaching, child that will be guarunteed to be successful in later life and can be grown in a test tube, I might think about it. Until then I'm off to read my bank statements.

missbishi

bargainbetty wrote: »

I often suggest that there are more than enough judgemental idiots in the world getting into people's business, and I wouldn't want to risk adding to the number. The questioner will have to struggle on alone.
QUOTE]

Thanx for that BB, if you don't mind, that's what I will tell people in future as it is a much politer thing to say tham my previous comment (but with similar impact!).

tinktinktinkerbell

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Unbelievable! I can quite understand people not wanting children, but the reasons highlighted to me suggest a selfishness and immaturity of mind. On that basis I agree not having children is in everyone's best interest.

From one who would love children if there was a man worthy of inseminating me .

yes it is selfish

i have the right to design my own life and i choose it to be child free for those reasons

[Deleted User]

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

i have the right to design my own life and i choose it to be child free for those reasons

Absolutely. Regardless of your reasons, you are selfish. Everyone does things in their own self-interest, even if they help another person, they still get something out of it. Each person absolutely should be granted the freedom to live their life in the way they choose without having to justify it or being told their reasoning isn't acceptable. Child-free people should not have to qualify their decisions any more than parents have to. Your reasoning is right for you and frankly, that's all that matters. I pity those who make their life decisions based on what others want of them.

Derivative

My residual income annually, number pulled out of a hat.
£20,000.

My residual income annually with a child.
Some number less than £20,000.

It's a bit like asking me why I don't have any item. Because it costs more than I'm willing to spend. I'm happy to be an uncle, but I prefer to have my time and money be mine only, thank you very much.

jediquigley

i am 30 and 10 weeks pregnant but didnt really make my mind up about having children till about the age of 28...i got married about a year and a half ago and all i have had since then is when are you having children? are you trying for a child? i wish my answer to all these questions had been none of your business (said in a mild manner) as you get drawn into conversations you dont want to be having. sometimes i would be asked these questions a few times a week which was really annoying.

no one knows i am pregnant yet, wont be telling people till 12 weeks. we havent even told people we were trying as it is really no ones business.

Laura

[Deleted User]

jediquigley wrote: »

i am 30 and 10 weeks pregnant but didnt really make my mind up about having children till about the age of 28...i got married about a year and a half ago and all i have had since then is when are you having children? are you trying for a child? i wish my answer to all these questions had been none of your business (said in a mild manner) as you get drawn into conversations you dont want to be having. sometimes i would be asked these questions a few times a week which was really annoying.

no one knows i am pregnant yet, wont be telling people till 12 weeks. we havent even told people we were trying as it is really no ones business.

Laura

Hi Laura,

I really don't understand why so many people a) ask that question b) feel it is their business to pry and c) are interested. I am 28 this year and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. However, I am very resistant to getting married because of that question. I don't get it often at the moment but I know I'd be asked it constantly in the way you were when you first got married. I am extremely tempted, should I ever be asked that when I get married, to reply with 'having children isn't an option for us'. It's not an option because I don't want children, but the implication in this answer is that we can't have them for one reason or another, which would be very rude to respond with 'why?'. It's such a shame people are pressurised in this way and it's good to see you're doing things at you're own pace and there are still people out there who value privacy!