Why don't you have Children yet?

ifonlyitwaseasier

i'd love to have children but the situation we find ourselves in right now means it isn't the time to try and have them

and i am BEYOND sick of one friend in particular who asks me EVERY SINGLE TIME we speak if i'm pregnant yet. she knows what we are dealing with yet it doesn't occur to her to stop asking and i have asked her to!

[Deleted User]

balletshoes wrote: »

oh yes they do - the same people who think nothing of asking you why you haven't got children yet, are the very people who will ask you why you've had a child/was it an accident. Gobsmacking, but there you go (and its usually your nosy relatives ).

Seriously? Wow, I am kind of amazed at this! When I get asked why I don't have/ want children, it is usually followed by such questions as 'but who is going to look after you when you're old?' 'don't you want to see what your baby would look like?' (both of which are poor reasons for bringing a person into the world IMHO, although a tad better than my sister who wants to have a baby 'to make Christmas more fun'). I wish we all (everyone who is at the receiving end of a frankly rude and probing question) had one very good comeback to use in order to completely defuse any further questionning. I'm not blunt enough to say 'it's none of your bloody business' which is what I'd love to say, but my answers are getting increasingly defensive the more I am asked such rude questions.

KxMx

Alizarin wrote: »

As a childfree-by-choice person, I don't think I've EVER asked someone whether they have children. Probably because I know how annoying the question can be. If someone mentions a child in conversation I'll ask how many/how old/names etc, but I'd never just come out and ask it otherwise.

I will also be child free by choice sort of, due to health problems it would not be a good idea at all for me or for the kids, as painful as that is for me it's the best thing to do.

So I know how hurtful these comments are, and always try not to aks my friends the same things I hate being asked, but even I asked a friends mother the other day if they were going to have another :eek: I was that cross with myself, but honestly it just slipped out!

I do think it is human nature to ask these things, but only up to a point, once someone has been told/hinted at to stop asking then they should get the message and stop.

I've got the next 20 years to come up with a good answer Right now it's chapter and verse on my graphic and nasty health issues followed by a lecture on how unfair that would be to a child for the various reasons

VfM4meplse

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

i dont have them because i dont want them

im not maternal
i have better things to spend my money on
i would have to move
i like my life the way it is
i do not want to have a kid dictating things to me
i do not want my body messed up

Unbelievable! I can quite understand people not wanting children, but the reasons highlighted to me suggest a selfishness and immaturity of mind. On that basis I agree not having children is in everyone's best interest.

From one who would love children if there was a man worthy of inseminating me .

BitterAndTwisted

Selfishness? Not necessarily. Just shows a great deal of self-awareness to me. I've heard that parenthood is hard, relentless and sometimes thankless. For some it could be like a prison sentence. And the planet is not short of nippers.

Peater

Deleted_User wrote: »

When I get asked why I don't have/ want children, it is usually followed by such questions as 'but who is going to look after you when you're old?' 'don't you want to see what your baby would look like?'

That's grotesque. If those are genuine reasons that people have children then i pity the blighters. Gift of life? Burden of life-sentence more like!

SandC

One of my CFBC friends gave me a cracking line in response to people who say 'but you'd make a really good mum'............. 'I'd make a bloody good prostitute too, doesn't mean I want to be one'. :rotfl:

Piggles12345

Tropez wrote: »

Other possible answers would be - "I'm not an idiot and know how to use contraception", "I am forbidden under Article 53 of the Human Rights Act from fathering children.", "I don't want children.", "I have too many characters on World of Warcraft to level", "I find they don't taste like chicken afterall."

I'm the same as OP- twenty something and sure I never want children. I have no maternal bones in my body whatsoever, I'm selfish and enjoy having a large disposable income that's not wasted on tacky toys that are going to clutter up my clean and tidy house. Plus, the idea of a mini person crapping, spewing, weeing and dribbling all over the place and needing nappies changing turns my stomach! :rotfl:

I hate it when people say 'never say never', 'you might change your mind' etc. as if I'm not aware of the concept that minds change!

Also annoys me when people think it's fine to enquire as to why I don't want kids but would never ask someone why they do.

I'm always tempted to say 'I'm on too many registers, the FBI just wouldn't allow it' :T:T

Or, if it's a man to make an inappropriate reference to pelvic flaw muscles and my talent with ping pong balls that I'm in no hurry to lose :eek:

[Deleted User]

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Unbelievable! I can quite understand people not wanting children, but the reasons highlighted to me suggest a selfishness and immaturity of mind. On that basis I agree not having children is in everyone's best interest.

From one who would love children if there was a man worthy of inseminating me .

I understand what you're saying here but I think ANY reason to have or not to have children can be construed as selfish, and frankly, I am sick of CFBC people being called selfish. The reasons I have heard people giving for having a child vary from 'because I want to leave something behind', 'because I want someone to look after me when I'm old', 'because I want to be loved unconditionally like my parents never loved me', all of which are in that person's best interest, not the child's. I even met someone who openly admitted she had her daughter so she could get a council house. I think that whatever reason people give for not wanting children should be completely acceptable. There are enough people having kids for everyone. My neighbour is on pregnancy number 3 in 3 years simply because she 'loves babies'. What's selfless and mature about that? The fact is, EVERYONE acts in their own self-interest, no one forces you to have children, people do it because they want to just as much as people don't have children because they don't want to. The truly selfish people are the woman who had IVF to have twins when she was 66 years old and died two years later, leaving them as orphans, or the woman who shook her baby to death after a night partying (where she left the baby alone in the house) and a few months later, is pregnant again. CFBC people aren't hurting anyone so I wish people would stop throwing the selfish card our way.

missbishi

Or, if it's a man to make an inappropriate reference to pelvic flaw muscles and my talent with ping pong balls that I'm in no hurry to lose

PMSL Piggles! I've been known to go one step further and advise certain nosey parkers that I do not wish to have a ......... like a bucket! A horrible thing to say, I know but it doesn't half shut 'em up!