How to handle the "why are you still single?" question.

Tropez

VestanPance wrote: »

Women really seem to over think this stuff, or for some bizarre reason get snippy about being asked. It's a simple question with a simple answer. You're either not looking, or haven't met the right person yet. What's to get upset about?

As a man, I used to find the question very annoying when I was single. It wasn't such a big deal being asked the first time but when I was being asked the same question by the same people with any degree of frequency I started to wonder whether I should just have "loser" tattoed across my head so they can save their breath.

alyth

Interesting thread I'm 41 and have been single for 3.5 years, having split with my ex of 15 years - I have never ever been asked why I am single, I don't even think about it, I adore being on my own and will never ever have a relationship ever again. I would be extremely offended if someone commented on my life in this way, being single I'm able to do what I want when I want, I'm a mature student, I travel, I never have to take anyone into consideration and for me that is utterly fantastic.

I work weekends in a supermarket and truly you only have to look at customers to realise that when you see people arguing with each other, the way they speak to each other (not in a good way!) and I do wonder at times whether there are anyone in happy relationships and whether we're not better off being on our own. I'm also child-free very much by choice, and I've seen the toll that having children can place on any relationship.

If someone comments on your personal status it's a sad reflection on them - none of my friends have ever ever tried to pair me up with someone, they can see how how happy I am on my own, so I guess I have a different perspective on things from some of the other posters.

euronorris

VestanPance wrote: »

I have an idea. It's that simple questions with simple answers push some womens buttons.

If it does it is obviously hitting a sore point, because if it wasn't then they'd just give the simple answer.

I used to give a simple answer. But it was never enough. Then I would be accused of being too fussy, too intelligent, not intelligent enough, too pretty, not pretty enough, too slim, not slim enough, you should die your hair brown, no you should keep it blonde, you should flash some skin, you should dress more conservatively, you should wear heels more, no flats, blah blah blah.

All because they just had to know WHY I was single. And couldn't accept the simple, honest answer of 'I haven't found the right guy yet.'.

Still, I don't know why anyone needed to know WHY I was single anyway.

And then, of course, whenever you do start dating someone along comes the criticism of that person. Wouldn't you prefer someone taller? Shorter? Healthier? More relaxed with food & exercise? More intelligent? Less intelligent? blah blah blah.

Answer 'No, I know what I like and it's obviously different to what you like, and that's OK.'. Them 'Yeah....but..' etc.

Arghh! It's enough to make you scream! They are my choices to make, people should stop concerning themselves with them so much!

runningwoman

VestanPance wrote: »

No if you could please point out where I said sexism doesn't exist that would also be awesome, or rather try staying on target and not deflecting from the debate at hand.

I can't think why you are single

miss_independent

euronorris wrote: »

I used to give a simple answer. But it was never enough. Then I would be accused of being too fussy, too intelligent, not intelligent enough, too pretty, not pretty enough, too slim, not slim enough, you should die your hair brown, no you should keep it blonde, you should flash some skin, you should dress more conservatively, you should wear heels more, no flats, blah blah blah.

All because they just had to know WHY I was single. And couldn't accept the simple, honest answer of 'I haven't found the right guy yet.'.

Still, I don't know why anyone needed to know WHY I was single anyway.

And then, of course, whenever you do start dating someone along comes the criticism of that person. Wouldn't you prefer someone taller? Shorter? Healthier? More relaxed with food & exercise? More intelligent? Less intelligent? blah blah blah.

Answer 'No, I know what I like and it's obviously different to what you
like, and that's OK.'. Them 'Yeah....but..' etc.


Arghh! It's enough to make you scream! They are my choices to make, people should stop concerning themselves with them so much!

We must mix in the same circle! This is the same kind of attitude I get. Btw, I had the spiel before breakfast this morning from someone who I've never even met, serves me right for getting up early, luckily two family members got annoyed on my behalf - aww nothing like Christmas to bring out the worst and best in people!

Welshwoofs

Another answer could be:

"don't you have a boyfriend yet?"
"well I am *seeing* someone.....ummm hasn't your husband told you yet?"

That should ensure they don't ask you about your relationship status....or anything else.....ever again.

janey183

I HATE these questions...ALWAYS are you married, (no) oh are you divorced (no) you have a boyfriend then (no) kids? (NO).....the silence (which means they are thinking "lesbian"...

Having said that, now I am nearing 44, I dont get it so much, I just get the sad, pittyful looks....little do they know what fun Im having;)

SandC

Anyone else get the assumptions that you are out partying all the time while you wait for someone to come along? :mad::D

But of course, if you are not out partying then you should obviously be doing so because THAT'S where you're going wrong and THAT'S where you'll meet your man cos you won't find anyone sitting at home will you? Yeah cos you all met your partners down town with your beer goggles on didn't you? No? Well whaddy know.....

Tropez

SandC wrote: »

Anyone else get the assumptions that you are out partying all the time while you wait for someone to come along? :mad::D

But of course, if you are not out partying then you should obviously be doing so because THAT'S where you're going wrong and THAT'S where you'll meet your man cos you won't find anyone sitting at home will you? Yeah cos you all met your partners down town with your beer goggles on didn't you? No? Well whaddy know.....

Yeah, I used to get that when I was single.

I really, really don't like nightclubs and I don't like to drink too much anyway so going out to such a place in order to pick up someone who was trashed really didn't appeal to me... but apparently that is what I was supposed to do and by not doing so I was somehow condemning myself to a life alone!

I met my partner in a cafe after I'd just been to see a solicitor...

euronorris

Tropez wrote: »

I met my partner in a cafe after I'd just been to see a solicitor...

And I met mine through a mutual friend.

But I still got all that rubbish from peeps before hand. It was always 'You should go to the pub or out clubbing, you won't find one sitting at home alone, will you?'. And then, when you did, and usually met only drunk t*ssers, you'd get 'Well, what did you expect? Clubs and pubs aren't exactly the best place to meet a partner are they?!'.

I just gave up in the end and resorted to nodding and agreeing to everything they said, but completely ignoring it. :rotfl: